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Military Families Military Families

Need advice, fiancé wants to join the navy

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Hi my names Taylor I'm 17 and have a 3 week old son. My fiancé wants to join the navy to be in the military police. I don't know if I want him to I know the benefits would be great for us and its the best thing to do but I'm scared ill never see him and he will miss out on raising our son. I struggle with depression and I feel like I won't be able to handle being away from him. What do you guys think? I'd like to hear back from some military wives to hear there stories. My fiancé really wants to do it I don't want to stop him from what he wants to do. So help please
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by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 10:10 PM
Replies (11-20):
pittawadda
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 8:44 AM
Haha slow down hos! She corrected herself.


Quoting BrittM1988:

This is NOT true, my BIL just join, he is married and has a 2 year old son. Do not spread around incorrect information!

Quoting chrlstoncharmed:

If you aren't married, you don't get benefits and he would not be able to have any type of custody of your child because single parents cant join the military. If you do get married, he has too many dependants to join.



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Pugsmuggler
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 9:07 AM
How much he'll be gone depends on so many factors, what rate he actually gets, the base you are at, command etc. I love the Navy :) It has been very good to us, dh has been in 7 years.
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TippyD
by Gold Member on Nov. 19, 2012 at 9:18 AM

we have a few friends that are MA's*Military police* it is hard.  a couple of the have had to do year long tours in various places*one to jabooty(I know thats not how it is spelled but whatever) and another to Bahrain, and diego garcia)  it really just depends on what command he gets to how long/where he gets deployed to. my husband when he is on sea duty is gone for about half the time..sometimes MORE, sometimes less.. it really just depend:) I have been married to my sailor for 8 years:) pretty awesome. like others have said, it can be rough, but if you surround yourself with good people it really isn't that bad:) 

sailorwifenmom
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 10:01 AM
Honestly, nobody can answer that, because so much of it depends on what rate (job) he picks, which duty station he goes to, and what's going on in the world.

Yes, there will be times he's gone. He's going to have deployments and all that. But there will also br a good amount of time he's home. And when he is gone, other than boot camp, he will be able to email you, you can email him, that sort of thing.

If he does this, you will have to get used to being independent. But, and I mean this in a nice way, even if he doesn't enlist, you should do that. It's not healthy or good for either if you or your relationship or for your little one to be dependent on him to hold yourself together or be happy.

I love my husband dearly. He's my best friend, the father of my kids, and we have been together literally half out lives. But, my happiness and peace comes from inside me, and his comes from inside him - we're partners, not dependent, if that makes sense....

I don't mean any of this as a bash or an attack, I'm just saying that whether he enlists or not, I hope you're seeing someone for your depression, because it worried me, reading your post, where you were talking about what you were afraid being apart would do to you, because even in the civilian world, things have a way of happening that can cause you to be apart, and I just want to make sure you'll be ok.....

But nobody can predict how long or how much he would be gone. They can show you the sea / shore rotation for the rate he picked (the recruiter should he able to get that info) but, just because they are on a ship does NOT mean they are gone (ships spend time in their homeport, they have times in the yards getting repaired - and that can take years, etc) and just because he's on shore duty, he can still be sent on training, etc.





Quoting MamaBear1021:



Quoting sailorwifenmom:

Navy is the same, you can have 2 kids when you enlist. You can have more after you're on AD, or you can apply for a waiver to enlist with more, but...

As far as being a Navy family goes, a lot of that is the same. Yes, there will be times he's gone, and a lot will depend on how you handle it.

If you just shut yourself up in your house and be alone and miserable, especially if you have depression, then it will be VERY difficult for you. BUT, if you choose to reach out, there are a ton of programs and support to help you and make it a lot easier (and even fun at times) while they're gone.

There is also support and treatment (counseling and medication) for your depression.

I can honestly say that overall, the Navy has been a very good life for us, and our kids have grown up very close to their dad, even when he's been hone he's still involved with them - emails, cards and packages, all sorts of things. Being s Navy family can be a great opportunity and a great thing for your family, but, if you go into it determined to fail and already convinced you will be miserable, then you will be, kwim?

Something to keep in mind though, if this is something that he really truly wants to do with his life, would you rather an ocean between you when he's deployed, or an ocean between you forever, if he grows to resent you for stopping him and keeping him from this? Just something to think about. Only the 2 of you know whether this is good for you all or not.


so how long is your husband away from you? and how much time do you get together? I want to know how long he will be away from me


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sailorwifenmom
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 10:05 AM
One thing to keep in mind though too --- this isn't an all or nothing thing. If he does enlist, it will probably be for 4 years. If you all don't like it, then he doesn't have to reenlist. He can take his GI Bill and go to school, you can get out and move back home, whatever you want to do.

He will still get to be a part of raising your son, but he will be gone some of that time as well. It would be up to you how you handle the time apart.

Good luck in your choice, I know it's a lot to think about.
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chrlstoncharmed
by Melissa on Nov. 19, 2012 at 11:21 AM

F off. Did you read where I said I made a mistake? 

Quoting BrittM1988:

This is NOT true, my BIL just join, he is married and has a 2 year old son. Do not spread around incorrect information!

Quoting chrlstoncharmed:

If you aren't married, you don't get benefits and he would not be able to have any type of custody of your child because single parents cant join the military. If you do get married, he has too many dependants to join.



I will jack you up with my finger pistol.

chrlstoncharmed
by Melissa on Nov. 19, 2012 at 11:30 AM

Weapon? LMAO You must think I give a shit. I don't.

Quoting BrittM1988:

I did, after I made my post, which I already said later after everyone defended you. Don't worry, you can lower your weapon..

Quoting chrlstoncharmed:

F off. Did you read where I said I made a mistake? 

Quoting BrittM1988:

This is NOT true, my BIL just join, he is married and has a 2 year old son. Do not spread around incorrect information!

Quoting chrlstoncharmed:

If you aren't married, you don't get benefits and he would not be able to have any type of custody of your child because single parents cant join the military. If you do get married, he has too many dependants to join.





TippyD
by Gold Member on Nov. 19, 2012 at 11:39 AM
1 mom liked this

anyways.. now that those two are done.. Seriously, it just depends on where you get stationed, if he is on sea/shore duty.. commands even within the same base...
:) We love our navy lifestyle and wouldn't have it any other way!  like I said earlier surround yourself with the positive women around you and life is good:) try to take everything said by more seasoned wives with a grain of salt.. and  acup of understanding. They have BTDT and are trying to help:)  look at any "horror" stories and see the silver lining in them:D 

AbriCrazy
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 1:31 PM
She already corrected herself. Get a grip.

Btw- she isn't entirely wrong. As of next year, no more than two dependants will be allowed.


Quoting BrittM1988:

This is NOT true, my BIL just join, he is married and has a 2 year old son. Do not spread around incorrect information!

Quoting chrlstoncharmed:

If you aren't married, you don't get benefits and he would not be able to have any type of custody of your child because single parents cant join the military. If you do get married, he has too many dependants to join.


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ambermarie2006
by Bronze Member on Nov. 19, 2012 at 1:34 PM
My husband just got out of the Navy, there were too many deployments for us. In 4 years he was deployed 3/4 of the time.
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