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I spoke to dd's bio dad for the first time in over two years

Posted by on Dec. 3, 2012 at 3:03 PM
  • 18 Replies
A little back story, I got pregnant my senior year of high school. My bf and I were what seemed to be a match made in heaven. After I had our daughter I moved in with him and his parents. It was horrible, and he turned on me. I moved back home, THEN he broke up with me. I went into horrible depression. That was over 2 years ago.



Fast forward to today and I am happily over her Bio dad, remarried and life is good. Adrina (dd) doesn't know that my husband isn't her biological father. She has no clue who her Bio dad is and that's been fine with us. Now that my husband and I have been married for over a year, we have been talking about getting him to adopt Adrina. Her bio dad is not on the birth certificate and hasn't spoken to or seen Adrina since she first birthday. She will be four in May.



I had this urge to talk to her bio dad and bring up him giving up his rights (I honestly have no idea if he even has any, but if he does then we need to get that situated before my husband adopts adrina.) So I just get on Facebook and message her Bio dad and ask him to call me. Like I said we haven't spoken in over two years lol. Well he calls me and I just go ahead and get the point across. I ask him if he will give up his rights to Adrina so Shawn (my husband) can adopt her. I wasn't sure what I was expecting him to say.

He and I have a long conversation, he lost his step mother (who he has been living with since I had Adrina in 09) two months ago. He said it has really made him grow up and realize that he hasn't done things like he should have. He also told me that he wants to pay child support (I took him to court in 09 and he hasn't paid since October of 09) I told him I don't want his money. I haven't had it in like 3 years, and dh and I are just fine without it. But he insisted that he wants to pay, he told me to text him every month and say "child support " just to remind him. I told him I don't want him to feel like he he has to pay child support just to see Adrina. He said now that he has grown up he wants to see her. I said that my husband wouldn't go for it but I can talk to him about it.



We ended the conversation politely, he asked how Adrina was and I asked how he was doing, all that jazz. So when my husband gets home I'm going to talk to him and see how he feels about letting Adrina's Bio dad see her with our supervision.



I am really happy that I finally got the "giving up rights" conversation over, and pleased with the results.



Have any of you every had a similar situation?
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by on Dec. 3, 2012 at 3:03 PM
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Replies (1-10):
chrlstoncharmed
by Melissa on Dec. 3, 2012 at 3:11 PM
3 moms liked this

Why hasn't he made the effort to contact you if he has grown up and wants to see his child? Right now, you have a leg to stand on in regards to him giving up his rights. If your husband wants to adopt your daughter and you now begin visitation and/or child support don't expect the court to side with your motion for him to give up his parental rights. It might have been better to simply file the paperwork instead of initiating a conversation with him.

adrianna1043
by Adrianna on Dec. 3, 2012 at 3:12 PM
1 mom liked this
I would wait, and not contact him again. If he contacts you then I would start having conversations. If he really was serious about starting a relationship with Adriana then he can call you back. As far as reminding him to pay CS, he sounds pretty immature.

I wouldn't shut the door on him, but I wouldn't hold it open coaxing him through it either.
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sweetone44_2004
by on Dec. 3, 2012 at 3:18 PM
Thanks I didn't think of it in that perspective. Do you think I should contact a lawyer and see how much it would cost to get the process started?


Quoting chrlstoncharmed:

Why hasn't he made the effort to contact you if he has grown up and wants to see his child? Right now, you have a leg to stand on in regards to him giving up his rights. If your husband wants to adopt your daughter and you now begin visitation and/or child support don't expect the court to side with your motion for him to give up his parental rights. It might have been better to simply file the paperwork instead of initiating a conversation with him.


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sweetone44_2004
by on Dec. 3, 2012 at 3:20 PM
Good idea. Yeah when he kept telling me that he forgot to pay CS, I was thinking "Well when you remembered you didn't pay it, why didn't you go pay it" if you know what I'm sayin. Thanks!


Quoting adrianna1043:

I would wait, and not contact him again. If he contacts you then I would start having conversations. If he really was serious about starting a relationship with Adriana then he can call you back. As far as reminding him to pay CS, he sounds pretty immature.



I wouldn't shut the door on him, but I wouldn't hold it open coaxing him through it either.

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chrlstoncharmed
by Melissa on Dec. 3, 2012 at 3:29 PM

Knowing is better than not knowing. The first consultation is free! :-)

Quoting sweetone44_2004:

Thanks I didn't think of it in that perspective. Do you think I should contact a lawyer and see how much it would cost to get the process started?


Quoting chrlstoncharmed:

Why hasn't he made the effort to contact you if he has grown up and wants to see his child? Right now, you have a leg to stand on in regards to him giving up his rights. If your husband wants to adopt your daughter and you now begin visitation and/or child support don't expect the court to side with your motion for him to give up his parental rights. It might have been better to simply file the paperwork instead of initiating a conversation with him.



I will jack you up with my finger pistol.

besosfantasies
by on Dec. 3, 2012 at 10:32 PM

 I agree with this advice.

OP, do you even have a custody agreement? Are you still living in the same state? This could get nasty for ya'll.

Quoting chrlstoncharmed:

Knowing is better than not knowing. The first consultation is free! :-)

Quoting sweetone44_2004:

Thanks I didn't think of it in that perspective. Do you think I should contact a lawyer and see how much it would cost to get the process started?


Quoting chrlstoncharmed:

Why hasn't he made the effort to contact you if he has grown up and wants to see his child? Right now, you have a leg to stand on in regards to him giving up his rights. If your husband wants to adopt your daughter and you now begin visitation and/or child support don't expect the court to side with your motion for him to give up his parental rights. It might have been better to simply file the paperwork instead of initiating a conversation with him.



 

sweetone44_2004
by on Dec. 3, 2012 at 10:37 PM
No custody agreement. The only think that comes to mind, is when we went to court for child support he admitted paternity. And yes we are currently living in the same state, but dh, dd, and I lived in Texas before here.


Quoting besosfantasies:

 I agree with this advice.


OP, do you even have a custody agreement? Are you still living in the same state? This could get nasty for ya'll.


Quoting chrlstoncharmed:


Knowing is better than not knowing. The first consultation is free! :-)


Quoting sweetone44_2004:

Thanks I didn't think of it in that perspective. Do you think I should contact a lawyer and see how much it would cost to get the process started?



Quoting chrlstoncharmed:


Why hasn't he made the effort to contact you if he has grown up and wants to see his child? Right now, you have a leg to stand on in regards to him giving up his rights. If your husband wants to adopt your daughter and you now begin visitation and/or child support don't expect the court to side with your motion for him to give up his parental rights. It might have been better to simply file the paperwork instead of initiating a conversation with him.





 


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101stwife
by on Dec. 4, 2012 at 2:47 AM

 If he isn't on the birth certificate then he doesn't currently have rights. The only way he could get rights is for him to take you to court and have a DNA test. If he doesn't do that, then there is no reason you can't have your husband go ahead and adopt her.

I'm sorry, usually I am all for bioparents being in their child's life. However, this guy has not had anything to do with your child for 2 years. No financial support and no emotional bond. If he has grown up he would have made the effort to see his child, make sure his child was being taken care of and made sure that he was there to help do it. I bet that if you don't go out of the way to remind him about your child he won't contact you. Seriously...who needs to be reminded that he needs to make sure his child is being fed and clothed.

I would forget him, and move on. And would you honestly allow your child who has no clue who this guy is to just come and take her for a visit by himself?!

charliebean
by on Dec. 4, 2012 at 3:10 AM
1 mom liked this

Kinda convenient how he hasn't spoken to you, his daughter, paid child support, or anything in YEARS, but then the second you call him, he's suddenly "grown up" and now wants to do all this stuff. Now that's timing.

sissy852
by on Dec. 4, 2012 at 3:22 AM
i really think he is making stuff up. if he grew up he wouldnt need a reminder to pay child suport. And he woiuld have made a effort to contact you first.
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