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Military moms with children prior to marraige?

Posted by on Dec. 8, 2012 at 10:01 AM
  • 7 Replies
Hello, My name is Ashlee. I'm engaged to my sweetheart of two years & I have a 16 month old from a previous relationship. My fiancé is signing up for the marines in January of this coming year & I'm very concerned and worried about how things will go beings that were planning on marrying after he returns from basics & my sons father is active in the my sons life. He gets him for one night every other weekend. The father & I do however have a good civil relationship although I'm very worried as to how he will take things if we were to get stationed out of state. I care about my son and his fathers relationship and my intentions aren't to hurt anyone. My fiancé has been there for me since the day I found out that I was pregnant and hasn't left my side ever since. He's a huge part in my sons life & does everything possible to make him happy. He accepts him as his own & to my son, my fiancé is indeed a father figure. My son loves my fiancé sooo much & the last thing I want to do is separate them. I'm so scared that when my fiancé gets stationed the court will make us stay behind- its the last thing I want for us. I want answers, help, advice, anything. I'm so worried about all this. I'm just looking for help, advice, anything. Thank you.
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by on Dec. 8, 2012 at 10:01 AM
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Replies (1-7):
erin708
by Member on Dec. 8, 2012 at 10:09 AM
Do u have a custody agreement? Is his father willing to let u move out of state?
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Kayjace1104
by on Dec. 8, 2012 at 10:09 AM
As far as I know his orders override court orders that's what I've heard not 100% positive. I have a situation similar but my daughter is 8 and my ex isn't around at all we have custody papers but he's never followed by them. My husband just got put on active duty 7 months ago and we just moved my ex knows but didn't say crap.
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TippyD
by Gold Member on Dec. 8, 2012 at 10:21 AM

First of all, congrats on the pending nuptials:) As for what to do, chances are you will get stationed out of state. start prepping the dad for that NOW. talk to him about how you guys are going to handle this. who is paying for flights,*if you have to fly him to his dad* , etc. 

SusanD
by Silver Member on Dec. 8, 2012 at 11:31 AM
His orders do not override court orders. If he gets stationed out of state or overseas, you can be prevented from taking Tue child out of state without the fathers consent. However, if you have a good relationship with the father NOW is the time to start having these talks with him. Let him know the potential situations. If he disagrees and doesn't start to come around after a cooling off period.....start preparing to try to get the OK through the courts.

Quoting Kayjace1104:

As far as I know his orders override court orders that's what I've heard not 100% positive. I have a situation similar but my daughter is 8 and my ex isn't around at all we have custody papers but he's never followed by them. My husband just got put on active duty 7 months ago and we just moved my ex knows but didn't say crap.
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besosfantasies
by on Dec. 8, 2012 at 11:54 AM

 When I got married/about to be married I woried about the same thing. Difference being, BD hasn't been active in ds' life since I found out I was pregnant. You have an advantage, you have a good relationship with the BD. Have you tried talking to him about it yet?

On the legal side, you need to get everything together. I'm assuming you have a custody agreement with residential/joint legal custody? You will have to petition to move out of state if need be. Obviously you cannot get that done yet because your fiance hasn't been stationed anywhere, but you need to make plans. The courts will look at family in the area, if you have school/daycare lined up, jobs, marriage certificate, etc. If the BD doesn't fight it, it shouldn't be a problem. But the visitation will have to be worked out and you'll need to map a calendar/chart.

besosfantasies
by on Dec. 8, 2012 at 11:57 AM

 His orders have nothing to do with court orders for your child. If your BD were to take you to court over you moving out of the state, you could get into a lot of trouble including kidnapping charges (varies by state). You NEED court permission to move out of state with a child that you share custody to.

Quoting Kayjace1104:

As far as I know his orders override court orders that's what I've heard not 100% positive. I have a situation similar but my daughter is 8 and my ex isn't around at all we have custody papers but he's never followed by them. My husband just got put on active duty 7 months ago and we just moved my ex knows but didn't say crap.

 

gunsgirl
by Silver Member on Dec. 8, 2012 at 4:49 PM

Orders never over ride a court order. your baby's daddy can stop you from removing the child from the state. you need to get a child custody agreement ASAP and if you already have one make sure it allows you to move out of state.

there are alot of mom's in your shoes who are living away from thier DH's because they could not get permission to move away.

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