Advertisement
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Confused wife

Posted by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 12:03 AM
  • 8 Replies

Hi! My husband is an active duty in airforce he is currently stationed at Osan, AB  he just left last Thursday December 6th 2012. We are married for 14 years, we have 2 boys (11 and 3) my husband and I are having issues about infedelity. It started in year 2000 while I was still in another country. I discovered his affair when I got here in the US in 2006, I gave him another cahnce thinking that he will stop and change because I am already here. But I was wrong, he broke up with the girl. I didnt know that he has a lot of reserves...It's like one after the other... I did everything to make our marriage work. He doesn't want to hold on to what I am fighting for. He is still doing it. Actually they are together now in Osan, AB. Their having an affair for a really long time now. Before he left I gave him separation paper (not filed) but he said no, he is so selfish that he wants to keep me and that girl! I want to get out of our messy marriage life and set him free! I can't trust him anymore. I had given my all. My pride and dignity...It's useless because he don't have conscience.

How do I file for legal separation? Do I need a lawyer? What can I do if my husband don't want separation, Can I still file it? I don't have work, can I make husband pay for all the fees?


Thank you!

by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 12:03 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-8):
mlogsdon
by Mary on Dec. 9, 2012 at 12:15 AM
First- you have way more patience and tolerance than I do.


Second- You should seek legal help. An uncontested divorce is usually super simple. If he doesn't want it, then it's not so simple. There are exemptions and lowered filing costs in some states, depending on your financial situation. I would research divorce laws and requirements in your specific area.

Why did you wait until he was leaving? If you found out about this 6 years ago, what made NOW the time to end it?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
cocoroo
by Coco on Dec. 9, 2012 at 12:16 AM

Each state has different laws. I would start by looking your states regs up. Good luck. I'm sorry he is doing this to you.

Academy.mom
by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 12:34 AM

I currently live in Torrance, CA.

I know I am stupid to bring it this far, I am a very patient person and forgiving.... I had a lot of things to consider before making any decisions. I was really scared for me and my son it was our first time here and I don't want to go back in our country even if I don't have any relatives here.  But now I know my rights, this is too much I can't take it anymore. He is always pushing the button. It hurt  me so much that I can't describe the pain that I am feeling now. Now I know I am making the right decision for me and my kids... I don't want them to grow up thinking that we are a whole family  but deep inside it has already been broken long time ago.

Can an active duty currently deployed be served with legal separation paper? How long is the process. I want child and spousal support. Does anyblody knows a low cost legal service in my area?


Thank you!





lizzielouaf
by Bronze Member on Dec. 9, 2012 at 12:45 AM

Are you a legal resident of the US? If not your particular divorce could get a little confusing so you're really going to need to be very specific with your questions to an attorney. There are legal aid departments in every state, you can access this by getting in touch with your county public defender's office. Some law schools also offer free legal advice.

good luck

Academy.mom
by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 12:51 AM

Yes I am a green card holder. Do you think I can make my husband pay all of the fees even if he dont want teh separation? I am a full time housewife, I dont have a job.

adrianna1043
by Adrianna on Dec. 9, 2012 at 12:51 AM
Yeah, I was about to say it doesn't sound like you are from the US. I don't know your situation, but no one here us going to be able to tell you if you can get spousal support custody, or even a green card. I don't care what kind of sob story you come up with. That's all up to you to go find out on your own.

Quoting lizzielouaf:

Are you a legal resident of the US? If not your particular divorce could get a little confusing so you're really going to need to be very specific with your questions to an attorney. There are legal aid departments in every state, you can access this by getting in touch with your county public defender's office. Some law schools also offer free legal advice.

good luck

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
lizzielouaf
by Bronze Member on Dec. 9, 2012 at 12:57 AM

You really just need to go talk to an attorney 

KateKashman
by Bronze Member on Dec. 9, 2012 at 11:20 AM
1 mom liked this

I know this is going to sound bad, but I would consider holding off on getting a divorce if he is supporting you financially.  You can use the time while he is away to save money, make copies of all your important papers (including bank statements, etc.) and to prepare yourself for your life after the divorce by getting some marketable skills and a job.

When you file for divorce, be sure to get someone who is familiar with military divorces.  If you request it, you can be awarded a portion of his military retirement.  You can also specify in the divorce decree that he must carry Survivor Benefit Plan coverage on you after he retires.

I know six years is a long time, but if you are married 20 years, he is in the service 20 years, and 20 years overlap, then you can retain your medical and other benefits after the marriage.  This can be a big deal, especially if you aren't going to have medical coverage from your own job.

I can't imagine how hard this must be for you, but don't plow ahead without thinking of all the different aspects.  If he is paying your bills now, you might want to get yourself into a better position before filing for separation or divorce.

Good luck to you!

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)