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Military Families Military Families

Husband possibly deploying soon...

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

He is ex military and got a job as a contractor in afghanistan flying drones. He applied a while ago and we just got word that he was accepted and they want to deploy him to afghanistan soon. The thing is I don't know what to do to prepare for this. We live 3 states away from any family or friends and I have no one out here. When he comes back he is going to come back to this state for school so me moving and leaving our house would be kind of pointless. I'm just worried and confused. He was deployed a total of 15 months when he was in the military but I didn't even meet him until he came home so this is my first one. 

Advice/support needed :(

Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 28, 2012 at 11:24 PM
Replies (11-20):
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Dec. 29, 2012 at 1:34 AM
Oh my gosh that is horrible :( I hope he comes home permanently soon. You're very strong to deal with that.

We rent our house now, we don't own it. Where we live it's so hard to find a rental house so giving it up would be more hassle than its worth to be honest. I don't want to be stuck in a state that I know no one though. But at the same time I don't want to stay with family (it's always a disaster). There aren't many good options.


Quoting twinkersmom:

Have you consider renting out your house? We have a place in Tn and are up in WA right now. We went through a realtor that takes care of every thing. If something goes wrong, our renters contact him and then he lets us know. Another reason we went with him is that he knows the right people (trustworthy) to call for these repairs  and he is ex military too. So we were able to have military rent from us also. The rotations are close the same for us and them. I know how you feel being alone and not knowing anyone. I walked four blocks to the bus stop after I had just got out of the ER. I had one friend I met but she didn't know how to get to the hospital. I took a couple of buses until I got close to where she was able to pick me up. I'll bet that you are stronger than you think. If he is gone for more than 3 months or months, that is tough. My hubs did an unaccompanied tour for 3 years without me and the kids, it was hard at times. He came home twice. Now he has done two back to back 6 months. I feel like I am having harder days with these. This one maybe more than 6 months due to the "needed" for more carriers out. They left earlier. I understand how the military works because I am a veteran myself. Just doesn't make it easier. I keep telling my kids and me that he is out so some little one can have their parent home.

What ever you decide, good luck.


twinkersmom
by Bronze Member on Dec. 29, 2012 at 2:19 AM

I know. I feel your pain. Breaking your lease might be a problem too. I don't know if you have kids. There are pros and cons to living with family. 75 percent of me would not live with my family. But the other percent, I would. I miss my friends I grew up with back home. His family is spread out between Fl, Ga, and In. Mine are in Mo. My mother would drive me nuts and my mil would only point out my wrongs and put her son on a pedestal like most mils. That friend I know here, has moved about 20 minutes away. I met another lady. She's one of those that, at first will tell you that both of you can help each other out but ends up taking advantage of you. She is not military and has family near, at least closer than your family. Yep, I fell for that one. I DON'T need "leeches" friendships. When I get to go home, my dad helps out with my kids so I can get a girls' night out with my buddies. And I miss them soooo much. I have an older friend that I lived with who helps out too. Her youngest is close to the same age as my twins. If she can't help, her 22 and 20 yr old daughters babysit for me. My mom doesn't get this and wants me to be up her hiny when I am there. I did get two visits in this year. One in July and then last month because my grandmother died. She was 90. I wanted to be there for my dad. I was at her bedside when she passed.

I am hoping for shore duty the next set of orders. But he could work longer hours. My teen will be graduating from high school in June. THAT I hope he will be here for.


You can message me any time you need to talk.

twinkersmom
by Bronze Member on Dec. 29, 2012 at 2:25 AM

Btw your reply and an email from my husband tonight made my day.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Dec. 29, 2012 at 2:30 AM
I had a leech friend here too! That's why the majority of them have turned out to be :( I just want someone near by that I can confide in and get along with like my friends back home. That would make a huge difference. I think I'll end up going back & forth visiting home and coming back to our house. That way I'm not too lonely. My kiddos are home with me all day and still little so it gets intense being alone with them all day.


Quoting twinkersmom:

I know. I feel your pain. Breaking your lease might be a problem too. I don't know if you have kids. There are pros and cons to living with family. 75 percent of me would not live with my family. But the other percent, I would. I miss my friends I grew up with back home. His family is spread out between Fl, Ga, and In. Mine are in Mo. My mother would drive me nuts and my mil would only point out my wrongs and put her son on a pedestal like most mils. That friend I know here, has moved about 20 minutes away. I met another lady. She's one of those that, at first will tell you that both of you can help each other out but ends up taking advantage of you. She is not military and has family near, at least closer than your family. Yep, I fell for that one. I DON'T need "leeches" friendships. When I get to go home, my dad helps out with my kids so I can get a girls' night out with my buddies. And I miss them soooo much. I have an older friend that I lived with who helps out too. Her youngest is close to the same age as my twins. If she can't help, her 22 and 20 yr old daughters babysit for me. My mom doesn't get this and wants me to be up her hiny when I am there. I did get two visits in this year. One in July and then last month because my grandmother died. She was 90. I wanted to be there for my dad. I was at her bedside when she passed.

I am hoping for shore duty the next set of orders. But he could work longer hours. My teen will be graduating from high school in June. THAT I hope he will be here for.


You can message me any time you need to talk.


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Dec. 29, 2012 at 2:30 AM
Awww :) im glad he sent you an email!


Quoting twinkersmom:

Btw your reply and an email from my husband tonight made my day.


twinkersmom
by Bronze Member on Dec. 29, 2012 at 3:05 AM

Yeah, just to have one friend to share things and have something in common. I get a break from mine when they go to school. I have my own parenting style but she lets them get away with too much then will complain tons about it. She is always saying that she needs a break. They live not even paycheck to paycheck. In this economy I know it is tough but she is definitately not a conservative spender. Her twins are adhd and add. They do take up alot of her time so her daughter gets jibbed on time with mom. She wants to come down and play with my girls. She doesn't listen. Has taken off through the neighborhood without mom knowing. Most advice from people is to not let her walk all over me but she is my emerency contact at school for my kids, otherwise I would kick her to the curb.

armyslpbaby
by on Dec. 29, 2012 at 8:26 AM

You can do it! It will be tough but you'll survive. My hubby left last september when I was 18 weeks pregnant. I live alone because my family is not from this country and my in-laws live 2 hours away. I did not move out. I just learnt to deal with it. I'm now 33 weeks and my mom is flying in to visit me for a month in February. I can't wait! My hubby comes back n the fall and our baby will be 7 months old by then... :)

ChillonCloud9
by on Dec. 29, 2012 at 10:15 AM

I agree with keeping busy being one thing that will help you tremendously.  For me, I found a direct sales company to join and I started doing in-home parties to help occupy some of my time.  I also lived away from family, in a place where I didn't have friends.  So, by doing the parties, it created a venue for me to meet other ladies.  Of course, I understand that you have children and with no friends or family around proves to be a problem, when it comes to having a babysitter.  I'm sure that somewhere in your neighborhood or town, there are some ready and willing, responsible teenagers that would love to take on that task and make a little extra money.  You can also go online and find some mommy groups that have playdates where you can go and meet other ladies.

Although you will most likely be able to talk to him on the phone regularly, send lots of emails!  I would send emails everyday, tell my SO about my day and just talk as though I were actually talking to him.  My SO was a Navy submariner so, there would be weeks when I would have no communication with him at all but I would still send an email every single day, so that when their communication was back up, he would get them and be able to respond.  I would just make a point of not telling him about the worst things that happened because I didn't want him to have to much on his mind to worry about because that just wasn't a good thing, considering what his job was and the fact that he didn't need to be distracted by outside things...it wasn't safe for him and his sub crew.

Anyway, those are just a few of my thoughts.  What state do you live in, if you don't mind me asking.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Dec. 29, 2012 at 11:48 AM

:( Im just sad thinking about this. He picked a line of work that will take him away from us all the time. Its not fair and it just makes me feel sick thinking about it.

Quoting ChillonCloud9:

I agree with keeping busy being one thing that will help you tremendously.  For me, I found a direct sales company to join and I started doing in-home parties to help occupy some of my time.  I also lived away from family, in a place where I didn't have friends.  So, by doing the parties, it created a venue for me to meet other ladies.  Of course, I understand that you have children and with no friends or family around proves to be a problem, when it comes to having a babysitter.  I'm sure that somewhere in your neighborhood or town, there are some ready and willing, responsible teenagers that would love to take on that task and make a little extra money.  You can also go online and find some mommy groups that have playdates where you can go and meet other ladies.

Although you will most likely be able to talk to him on the phone regularly, send lots of emails!  I would send emails everyday, tell my SO about my day and just talk as though I were actually talking to him.  My SO was a Navy submariner so, there would be weeks when I would have no communication with him at all but I would still send an email every single day, so that when their communication was back up, he would get them and be able to respond.  I would just make a point of not telling him about the worst things that happened because I didn't want him to have to much on his mind to worry about because that just wasn't a good thing, considering what his job was and the fact that he didn't need to be distracted by outside things...it wasn't safe for him and his sub crew.

Anyway, those are just a few of my thoughts.  What state do you live in, if you don't mind me asking.


chrlstoncharmed
by Melissa on Dec. 29, 2012 at 12:45 PM
1 mom liked this
You're thinking about it with the wrong outlook. You do realize how much money he will be making? He is doing what he feels is best to provide for his family. As my husband put it - this contract will help us reach our goals in life much faster. There's nothing wrong with setting yourselves up with financial stability.

Quoting Anonymous:

:( Im just sad thinking about this. He picked a line of work that will take him away from us all the time. Its not fair and it just makes me feel sick thinking about it.


Quoting ChillonCloud9:

I agree with keeping busy being one thing that will help you tremendously.  For me, I found a direct sales company to join and I started doing in-home parties to help occupy some of my time.  I also lived away from family, in a place where I didn't have friends.  So, by doing the parties, it created a venue for me to meet other ladies.  Of course, I understand that you have children and with no friends or family around proves to be a problem, when it comes to having a babysitter.  I'm sure that somewhere in your neighborhood or town, there are some ready and willing, responsible teenagers that would love to take on that task and make a little extra money.  You can also go online and find some mommy groups that have playdates where you can go and meet other ladies.

Although you will most likely be able to talk to him on the phone regularly, send lots of emails!  I would send emails everyday, tell my SO about my day and just talk as though I were actually talking to him.  My SO was a Navy submariner so, there would be weeks when I would have no communication with him at all but I would still send an email every single day, so that when their communication was back up, he would get them and be able to respond.  I would just make a point of not telling him about the worst things that happened because I didn't want him to have to much on his mind to worry about because that just wasn't a good thing, considering what his job was and the fact that he didn't need to be distracted by outside things...it wasn't safe for him and his sub crew.

Anyway, those are just a few of my thoughts.  What state do you live in, if you don't mind me asking.


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