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Trying to be tactful

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 20 Replies
There is a family that we like to hang out with. I like the wife and our kids get along great. The thing is that I constantly try to get them to come to our house or the park because thier house is so gross. I think the wife is catching on to us not going to her house anymore. If she asks why we don't go to her house anymore do I just tell her the truth and risk her getting upset? The dh knows his house is filthy and is ashamed but the wife seems to care less. And I'm sure some will say to offer to help clean but I'm afraid she will be offended if I do that. Any advise?
Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 17, 2013 at 11:00 AM
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Replies (1-10):
jas_momof2
by アニメの雌犬 on Jan. 17, 2013 at 11:05 AM

Is it disgusting to where you fear you will get a disease if you walk in?  Is it something you can tolerate for the sake of the friendship once in a blue moon?  Is it base housing?  Something reportable to where the kids shouldn't be living there?

Figure that out first.

.oOMellyOo.
by Silver Member on Jan. 17, 2013 at 11:09 AM

Filth is different than a mess. I can tolerate a messy home. Some people just suck at putting stuff away. Filth is another story. If there is mold growing on an old plate a pizza.... then Houston we have problem. Maybe just suggest public areas and avoid going to each others homes all together?

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 17, 2013 at 11:15 AM
You know my Jas I am questioning that now. It is not base housing. It is dirty enough that I wouldn't let my baby crawl on their floor and held her for 3 hours. Thier kids are bathed,wear clean clothes, fed and seem happy though so I didn't think it was CPS worthy.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 17, 2013 at 11:23 AM
By what you wrote yes it is filthy. Since that visit I have been trying to do park dates more but she constantly asks us to go over and my excuses are getting to be obvious I think. She is very blunt about things and I think she will call me out soon. I don't like to hurt peoples feelings but now I wonder if I should just tell her the truth maybe she will realize she needs to clean.

Quoting .oOMellyOo.:

Filth is different than a mess. I can tolerate a messy home. Some people just suck at putting stuff away. Filth is another story. If there is mold growing on an old plate a pizza.... then Houston we have problem. Maybe just suggest public areas and avoid going to each others homes all together?

jas_momof2
by アニメの雌犬 on Jan. 17, 2013 at 11:43 AM

Then you will have to tell her.  Maybe it will be the wake up call she needs... 

Quoting Anonymous:

By what you wrote yes it is filthy. Since that visit I have been trying to do park dates more but she constantly asks us to go over and my excuses are getting to be obvious I think. She is very blunt about things and I think she will call me out soon. I don't like to hurt peoples feelings but now I wonder if I should just tell her the truth maybe she will realize she needs to clean.

Quoting .oOMellyOo.:

Filth is different than a mess. I can tolerate a messy home. Some people just suck at putting stuff away. Filth is another story. If there is mold growing on an old plate a pizza.... then Houston we have problem. Maybe just suggest public areas and avoid going to each others homes all together?



Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 17, 2013 at 11:52 AM

Ask her if she has ever seen the Hoarders TV show.  ;-)

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 17, 2013 at 11:54 AM
Lol! I can honestly say it is not that bad.

Quoting Anonymous:

Ask her if she has ever seen the Hoarders TV show.  ;-)

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 17, 2013 at 11:58 AM
You're right. Worse comes to worse she gets mad and doesn't talk to me again. It would suck for our kids sake but I think it is worth it if it opens her eyes.

Quoting jas_momof2:

Then you will have to tell her.  Maybe it will be the wake up call she needs... 

Quoting Anonymous:

By what you wrote yes it is filthy. Since that visit I have been trying to do park dates more but she constantly asks us to go over and my excuses are getting to be obvious I think. She is very blunt about things and I think she will call me out soon. I don't like to hurt peoples feelings but now I wonder if I should just tell her the truth maybe she will realize she needs to clean.



Quoting .oOMellyOo.:

Filth is different than a mess. I can tolerate a messy home. Some people just suck at putting stuff away. Filth is another story. If there is mold growing on an old plate a pizza.... then Houston we have problem. Maybe just suggest public areas and avoid going to each others homes all together?


MrsDavidB25
by Stacey on Jan. 17, 2013 at 12:03 PM

If the husband knows the house is filthy then I am wondering why he wouldn't tell her the reason people are not wanting to come over? Anyway, I don't blame you. I am VERY uncomfortable when someone has a really messy house.

mandaschelle
by Bronze Member on Jan. 18, 2013 at 1:55 AM
I have a friend like this and didn't have the guts to call her on it. I told her dd was extremely allergic to cats and never went back.
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