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Military Families Military Families

Found out my Marine cheated

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 26 Replies

My husband is a brand new marine just got out of MOS school he told me this girl (also a marine & married to a marine herself whom was deployed at the time) was his "friend" i believed him. he just got out of MOS school and I just moved here to his PDS. well this "friend" of his said she was bored and wanted to hang out one day and wanted to meet me. this little b****( who is only 19 year old, 7 years younger then my husband and I) had been staying at my house hanging out for 2 weeks finally decided to tell me (even tho i already had felt it) that her and my husband had been sleeping together for a month! i flipped shit! i asked him if it was true he said yes i asked him if he loved her and he looked me in the eyes and told me actually i do. my heart fell into my stomach. we've been together for 6 years and have a 4 year old daughter together. i packed me shit and went to a hotel a booked a plane ticket home. he came running after me (hours later) and cried and begged me to come home and how "sorry" he was and he made a mistake and he told me he doesnt love her and that it was lust and he was thinking with his di"" ... i gave it a chance and went home... here i am 8 MONTHS LATER finding out now this bitch is pregnant.. i got scared thinking it may be my husbands but there isnt any possible way considering it happened 8 motnhs ago and shes only 20 weeks along and PCSed to Cali in September so not possible.. thank god for that but the problem now im having is getting over it.. i cry all the time i hate him for what hes done to me.. i gave everything and he gave nothing.. i think i just need to talk to someone about all this cause im just really hurt. i bring it up all the time and i dont wanna fight with him but it just hurts that bad. he has kissed my ass and has been bending over backwards to prove to me how sorry he is but i feel like its not good enough.. we find out tomorrow if hes deploying and im scared hes going to do it again.. he says it was the biggest mistake of his life and he almost lost me and his daughter and that hell never do it again but it makes me really nervous.. he also keeps begging me to have another child with him and i really want to since our daughter is almost 5 but i just dont think i can right now.. i honestly have so much hate bulit up for him but i also know theres a lot of love still left for him. i do love him and im strong enough to give our 6 year marriage another chance but if he does this again im done.. any insite on this or has this ever happened to anyone before? please be respecful with posts because i am still sensitive to my situation =/

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 11, 2013 at 12:39 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Doc.Mc.Lissa
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 1:07 AM
2 moms liked this

 The only thing I can suggest is marriage counseling. Getting over something like that isn't going to happen over night and its going to take a lot of work on both your parts. And you are right, now is no time to try and have another baby. You may love your husband, but not everyone is capable of forgiving and trusting again after something so huge. I don't think I could. Good luck!

Hulagirl55
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 2:02 AM

I always say that I can forgive but I will never forget. I believe in forgiveness but don't ever discount what your intuition is telling you. And don't get intuition confused with raw female emotions!! Two very different things. I believe that couples can get through infidelity when it happens one time. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, I'm outta here! Good luck =)

jas_momof2
by アニメの雌犬 on Feb. 11, 2013 at 2:37 AM
3 moms liked this

Not only marriage counseling, but individual counseling for yourself...  Devastation in any form usually has a process much like the grieving process...  You will feel anger, sadness, denial, depression, etc...  You need someone who will help you through those stages with an objective outlook.  Him deploying soon might be a blessing in disguise.  It will give you time to figure out how you really feel.

Will he do it again?  I'm not a fan of "once a cheater always a cheater" as I believe in second chances and I believe that someone can change if they truly want it.  I can't answer if your dh wants it.  Time will tell.  Not a day, a week, a month...  A lot of time.  Forgiveness is a slow process.  Don't feel you need to rush yourself.  Feel what you want to feel - what you need to feel... 

Best wishes...


edelweiss23
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 2:40 AM



Quoting jas_momof2:

Not only marriage counseling, but individual counseling for yourself...  Devastation in any form usually has a process much like the grieving process...  You will feel anger, sadness, denial, depression, etc...  You need someone who will help you through those stages with an objective outlook.  Him deploying soon might be a blessing in disguise.  It will give you time to figure out how you really feel.

Will he do it again?  I'm not a fan of "once a cheater always a cheater" as I believe in second chances and I believe that someone can change if they truly want it.  I can't answer if your dh wants it.  Time will tell.  Not a day, a week, a month...  A lot of time.  Forgiveness is a slow process.  Don't feel you need to rush yourself.  Feel what you want to feel - what you need to feel... 

Best wishes...



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Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Feb. 11, 2013 at 3:33 AM
I think cheating is horrible but I might try to work it out, not sure. I do however don't think I could ever forgive my husband if he cheated, then looked me in the eye and told me he loved her! That goes way beyond having meaningless sex! I definitely wouldn't have another child with him at this moment, when you have such conflicting feelings.
I hope everything works out for you and your child. Sorry that you are going through this.
Jessplus31979
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 7:35 AM

Yeah marriage counseling and time. I would have left because I know what that is like to always be looking over your shoulder and trust is a hard thing to build back up but that is me and everyone is different. I am so sorry hun. This just stinks for you. 

mlogsdon
by Mary on Feb. 11, 2013 at 11:20 AM
1 mom liked this
I'm sorry. I've never been in your situation, so I can only say theoretically that it would take a lot of time. I don't think I would bring another child into the mix as you don't feel 100% comfortable with that yet. Counseling for both of you individually, and marriage counseling, could help. It would help you work through your feelings of anger and betrayal and maybe help you move beyond them, and it could help him work through why he did it, and what he stands to lose if he does it again. You have every right to be scared and angry, and I hope it all works out well for you.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Feb. 11, 2013 at 11:29 AM

Watch out, people in here will tell you that it's your fault.  

Good luck with everything, hugs, and it's really going to be up to you if you can forgive him and trust him again, and if he can work towards rebuilding the trust.  

ReadWriteLuv
by Silver Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 11:32 AM

Are you sure, absolutely sure, like 100% factually positive that there is no way the child she is pregnant with can't be his? Because I'll tell you right now, if there is even a 1% chance that they may possibly have snuck off at some point and had a one nighter you are never going to get over it until she pops out a demon spawn and you get a paternity test. The thought will never leave your mind. It's a huge pink elephant in the corner.

I'd be leery of the fact that he is pushing for another baby. It sounds like perhaps he is pushing for another baby in an effort to re-cement your relationship, rather than sincerely wanting to expand your family. 

lizzielouaf
by Bronze Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 11:34 AM

Do you have a stable support system outside of him? I think it's great you are trying to work things out and learn to trust again but you may want to also consider a plan B to protect yourself just in case.

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