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The bad phone call..

Posted by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 7:13 PM
  • 40 Replies
1 mom liked this
Well I received it on may 23rd. Not the black car sitting in my driveway, but the call that my husband had been shot. I haven't posted because its hard to say out loud I suppose, and also I didn't want people thinking I wanted the attention, but now I'm in need of some advice.

So the gun shot wound was to his forearm sounds like no big deal, but it blew out his radial artery, nerves and veins. He's had blood transfusions that kept him from bleeding out and had his 7th surgery Monday because the medic fought for him while he was in a coma- they were going to amputate it without trying to save it. So that's the back story in a nut shell...

I have been with him in Texas since may 28th, we were released from the hospital Friday and now I am his nma- non medical assistant. We live in northern Idaho and have two kids ages 3and 5. They are still at home. Dans wound is still open, well he had a skin Graf last Monday but I mean really I can see tendons in his arm. (Tmi I apologize) so we decided not to have the kids here for now. Dh is doing well considering but really weak, bad PTSD- he doesn't want me leaving his side at all and he needs this time to heal and figure things out. They are taking great care of us here, but he will probably be here for at least six months, at the least! We are going to have the kids visit after the 4th with my parents which will be great we miss them like crazy but just feel now is not a good time. So now to my question for advice..

I don't know how long I will be his nma- I will be one till he's independent but I have no clue how long that will take. My job now is taking him to appointments, dressing changes, meds, getting dressed and helping him shower. I am so happy to be here with him, but I feel so guilty not having the kids here. Don't get me wrong they are in great hands, my parents, his parents and our friends and more family are all taking amazing care of them. My dilemma though is tough my mother in law is pushing us to have the kids move here. I hate being away from them but dh and I both feel its better they come for visits at this time. Dd will start kindergarten in the fall at a great school at home and like I said there's tons of people that love us and are taking great care of them. I don't know how the schools are here, and while we're at appointments they would have to be in day care and there's nobody here for them while we are helping dh get better. I guess I just want to know if you would be doing the same thing? I mean we are trying to do what's right for everybody in the family would you do the same? I'm sorry this so long I just need support that we are doing the right thing I just feel so torn. I'm here with dh missing the kids and if I was home I'd be with the kids worrying and wanting to be with dh.. Ps the kids are doing amazing!
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 7:13 PM
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Replies (1-10):
4ever-SJ
by Gold Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 7:18 PM
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Oh, dear god ... I am so, so sorry.

Yes. I would do exactly what you are doing. You have to prioritize.

Please, please let us know if we can help.
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crazyitalian
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 7:19 PM
If i were in your shoes i couldnt be away from my dd but you have to do whats best for your family
MegG25
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 7:23 PM
When dh was in the hospital kids weren't allowed in the room so we were going to
Have them come this weekend but schedules didn't work out.


Quoting crazyitalian:

If i were in your shoes i couldnt be away from my dd but you have to do whats best for your family
MegG25
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 7:24 PM
1 mom liked this
Thank you sj. I almost emailed you to let you know. But thank you just to know that we are doing the right thing and encouragement is all I could ask for.

Quoting 4ever-SJ:

Oh, dear god ... I am so, so sorry.



Yes. I would do exactly what you are doing. You have to prioritize.



Please, please let us know if we can help.
4ever-SJ
by Gold Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 7:25 PM
I will be more than glad to give you my real info if you need a chance to vent.


Quoting MegG25:

Thank you sj. I almost emailed you to let you know. But thank you just to know that we are doing the right thing and encouragement is all I could ask for.



Quoting 4ever-SJ:

Oh, dear god ... I am so, so sorry.





Yes. I would do exactly what you are doing. You have to prioritize.





Please, please let us know if we can help.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
crazyitalian
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 7:30 PM
1 mom liked this
Oh i see that makes it even tougher, i had to have emergency surgery and my dh had to completly take care of me and a baby all on his own it was extremely stressful for him, but thank god you have family and support, you sound like your doing a great job!


Quoting MegG25:

When dh was in the hospital kids weren't allowed in the room so we were going to

Have them come this weekend but schedules didn't work out.




Quoting crazyitalian:

If i were in your shoes i couldnt be away from my dd but you have to do whats best for your family

darbyakeep45
by Darby on Jun. 17, 2013 at 7:33 PM
1 mom liked this

I have no experience with this, but I will say that you sound like an amazing wife and mom!  You have taken control of things, taking care of your husband when he needs you the most, and you are making sure your kids are well cared for.  You are strong!  I am so sorry you are dealing with this...I will be praying for you guys!

adrianna1043
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 8:01 PM
You are unbelievably strong! You are doing the right thing right now. I think if you change your mind over time that you can figure that all out later. I personally wouldn't want my kid to start kindergarten in a strange place away from home either. You guys are awesome, just keep on keeping on and things will get better a little at a time. I bet the visit with your kids will lift everyones spirits!
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jas_momof2
by アニメの雌犬 on Jun. 17, 2013 at 8:05 PM

I think you're doing the right thing for them, for you, for your dh all the way around.  ((hugs)) and prayers...  I am so sorry to hear this...

Healthystart30
by Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 8:09 PM
Your post makes me almost cry! I am so terribly sorry for you, your husband and your children! My parents are amazing people and so are my siblings and I think I would do exactly what you are doing! Your husband needs your attention right now, and I am pretty sure your kids will be just fine. I think the stress of trying to take care of your husband and your kids in unfamiliar surroundings with no safety net would be very hard for you. Plus it hasn't been very long at all, maybe in couple of months when your husband feels a little stronger and you are over the initial shock of this whole situation, you could discuss it again maybe? And if your gut feeling says they would be better off with family, then you should let them stay. No need for guilt mama!
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