Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Military Families Military Families

Deployed dad, worried mom- please help!!

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 382 Replies
My husband and I got married and are expecting our first son in October. He is deployed to Afghanistan and will be there until Next May/June. I moved home to live with my mom at five months pregnant and have been unable to find a job, probably because I am noticably pregnant. (I'm 26 weeks now) my husband wasn't expecting to support me while pregnant and isn't thrilled about it. He has given me about 1000 to pay my bills (which are 450) and to buy things I need, gas, money for the baby, and food. He is giving me about an eighth of his base pay, which doesn't even include housing or other allowances he is given because he is deployed and married. When I bring this up to him, he makes me feel ungrateful for what he has given me and is annoyed that he has to support me before the baby is born. I am starting to worry about how the baby and I are going to survive like this. He is an officer, so I don't qualify for any type of assistance, since its expected he would take care of us. He made a separate bank account for me, so I don't even have access to his pay or any type of money the Air Force gives him. Any advice?!?! Please help!
Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 9, 2013 at 9:56 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
sahmw2010
by Beth on Jul. 9, 2013 at 10:04 AM
1 mom liked this
Umm i think he is already being generous. I got 300 every paycheck while i was preg and was living with my mon while he was over seas. And no, i was on bed rest so didnt have a job. So im with him, u are ungrateful
ReadWriteLuv
by Silver Member on Jul. 9, 2013 at 10:05 AM
6 moms liked this

Two things:

I'm not exactly sure what he was expecting, no one is going to hire you visibly pregnant. To think otherwise is sheer stupidity.

Why did you marry a douchebag that doesn't want to take care of you? I say that because when I got pregnant and didn't have a job, was just going to school and collecting my GI Bill, my husband was that douchebag that didn't want to completely financially support me either. I've been there, I hate to see any other woman there too. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 9, 2013 at 10:12 AM
I had no clue it would be like this when we got married or else I honestly would not have married him. Before he deployed, I wanted to come up with a plan so I could know what to expect and he kept brushing it off saying not to worry about money, that he makes enough. Little did I know that making enough didn't include me or the things I need for this baby.
Amcclaskey5
by on Jul. 9, 2013 at 10:16 AM
9 moms liked this
Wait so he doesn't want to support you while he is away? That sounds really selfish to me. Being married is about supporting each other, whether its financial or emotional. Its kinda like he's giving you an allowance and it also sounds very controlling. I manage our money but I have my husbands input on everything and he doesn't tell me I only have a certain amount I can live off while he is away. Why would he think he wouldn't need to support his wife?
MrsDavidB25
by Stacey on Jul. 9, 2013 at 10:16 AM
3 moms liked this

 Wow. Sorry, I can't relate. My dh has always been so supportive of me (emotionally and financially) since we have been married. He would have never treated me the way you are being treated. Sorry you are going through this.

leemarie5
by on Jul. 9, 2013 at 10:24 AM
3 moms liked this
Yeh this!

Super controlling. And if he hates financially supporting you now, he will be even less thrilled when he sees how much money that baby will use. Yeh they are tiny humans but they are very expensive tiny humans. You are his wife not his child so you shouldn't be given an allowance like you are a teenager. You should be involved in making the financial decisions and budget.


Quoting Amcclaskey5:

Wait so he doesn't want to support you while he is away? That sounds really selfish to me. Being married is about supporting each other, whether its financial or emotional. Its kinda like he's giving you an allowance and it also sounds very controlling. I manage our money but I have my husbands input on everything and he doesn't tell me I only have a certain amount I can live off while he is away. Why would he think he wouldn't need to support his wife?

jas_momof2
by アニメの雌犬 on Jul. 9, 2013 at 10:25 AM
4 moms liked this

I don't get it...  You said your bills were 450, he gives you 1000...  What is it you want?  You have a roof over your head, heating and a/c, food in your tummy - what is he not providing while you're at your parents house?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 9, 2013 at 10:25 AM
He says he is supporting me. Right now my mom is picking up the increase in bills to have me home because he doesn't want to pitch in with that. I do feel like I'm given an allowance. Every time I need more money I have to ask, he usually complains, and its frustrating.
4ever-SJ
by Gold Member on Jul. 9, 2013 at 10:25 AM
9 moms liked this
Say what?

How soon after it's born does he expect the baby to earn its keep?

Yeah, in our house, what's his is mine and vice versa.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 9, 2013 at 10:27 AM
1 mom liked this
I have to start getting things ready for a baby and that includes clothes, diapers, a crib, ect, none of which are cheap. I also have to pay for gas and I do need to get my own groceries because my mom takes on enough of an increase with having me live at home...
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN