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Feeling Guilty about Stress

Posted by on Aug. 21, 2013 at 1:34 PM
  • 6 Replies

Lately I have been feeling very stressed out.  My husband and I found out last July that I was pregnant with our daughter and then in October he left for basic training. Instead of moving out to California when he got to technical school, we made the "adult decision" for me to stay in Florida and finish out the school year (I taught 7th grade). I was also seven month pregnant at the time.  Once our daughter was born, I came up to Ohio to finish out my maternity leave and stay with parents so they could help me out.  When the school year was over, my husband was having issues with his tech school and we again made the "adult decision" and kept my stuff in Florida because we decided I would go back to teaching since we didn't know what was going to happen. I moved to Ohio to spend the summer with our families and then our daughter started having health issues and we made another decision for the two of us to move back to Ohio full time.

Now that you have the long back story, I am feeling majorly stressed living back with my parents.  My mom did the same thing when I was three months old when my dad had a remote assignment overseas.  My mom is wonderful and helps me out and sits and listens to me when I'm upset, but my dad makes comments like "the joys of parenthood."  It is stressing me because I don't have anyone to turn to but my parents. All of my close friends now live out of state and I'm woefully unemployed.  I've gone to Behavioral Health a couple of times now and they've referred me to an off-base practice to have longer and deeper conversations.  Now I feel like I'm failing my husband because he's alone and without us in California and here I am breaking down back home. I know he doesn't care and he's told me he thinks it's a good idea for me to talk to someone, but I still feel guilty. I don't know what to do.

Has anyone gone through this? Do you have any advice for me?

by on Aug. 21, 2013 at 1:34 PM
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Replies (1-6):
TonyaLea
by Silver Member on Aug. 21, 2013 at 1:43 PM
1 mom liked this

How old is your daughter?  Have they diagnosed you with PPD?  Is the therepy helping, or do you feel that maybe medication may be needed?  Depression/anxiety/PPD are real things, not something you need to feel guilty about.  Be open with your therpist, and they can help you.  You are taking steps to better yourself, that is what is important.

How long does your husband have left in tech school?

amonkeymom
by Member on Aug. 21, 2013 at 2:44 PM

You have no reason to feel guilty for feeling stressed out or unhappy with your current situation.

Maybe it's time to talk to your husband about the "adult" decisions you've made together and try to work something out that will help you to be happy again.

Mrs.Brugger
by Tiara on Aug. 21, 2013 at 4:57 PM

Different situation, but I had some serious stresses while DH was deployed and I had made an appt with my PCP (but later cancelled) bc I found myself crying WAY too often and I was extremely irritable. I felt so guilty because I wasn't the one overseas. I had my family nearby, I had communication often with my husband so I knew he was safe (ish), I had a roof over my head, food in my stomach, and complete health for myself, my husband, and my children. What did I have to whine about? It was horrible. I felt like a horrible wife. (Heck, I still do. My husband is in Geo Bach Barracks with NOTHING and NOBODY and here I am, livin it up at home.) Anyway. 

It's totally fine to feel the way you do and you SHOULD talk to someone about it. A 3rd party-they can give you insight without you feeling like they're trying to coddle you nor trying to gang up on you. Everyone has emotions and there's nothing wrong with them coming through. And like Tonya said...Could it be PPD? Or do you and your DH need to reevaluate some of your decisions to fit the now situations? Take care of yourself. Ya know the phrase "look out for #1?" ...Do that. 

BellaRynsMommy
by on Aug. 21, 2013 at 10:47 PM

Our daughter is five months old.  No diagnosis of PPD or even a mention of it.  Behavioral health has helped a bit, I see the off-base doctor next Monday for a longer session.  Between not knowing what is going on with my husband's tech school and some extended family issues the stress is weighing me down. I've always prided myself on holding it together, but I don't seem to be able to do that anymore.

We're not sure how much longer my husband has. He is in DLI and his program was supposed to be 16 months, but he was recycled back 11 weeks in July because he was having difficulty with a portion of the program. He's still having difficulty and we're not sure if they are going to reclass him into a new job or separate him from the Air Force.  (The stress just keeps piling on)

We've discussed how to change our situation so many times, but everytime we come up with something we decide it isn't the responsible choice. We're trying to do what is best for our family and what is the least stressful, but really at the cost of our happiness.

darbyakeep45
by Darby on Aug. 22, 2013 at 5:57 AM

I agree here.

Quoting amonkeymom:

You have no reason to feel guilty for feeling stressed out or unhappy with your current situation.

Maybe it's time to talk to your husband about the "adult" decisions you've made together and try to work something out that will help you to be happy again.


BellaRynsMommy
by on Aug. 27, 2013 at 10:30 PM

I actually just read this article on Yahoo! (http://shine.yahoo.com/healthy-living/having-baby-ocd-150400798.html) and it seems to desribe the issues I'm having almost perfectly.

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