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Military Families Military Families

First deployment...

Posted by on Oct. 28, 2013 at 1:14 AM
  • 23 Replies
My fiancé and I have been together for a little over 10 months now and just welcomed our beautiful baby boy! His sub has been in a maintenance for almost a year now so I haven't experienced him being away. This whole time of us being together we haven't been apart more than a full day. I know you a lot of you wives that's nothing. But for me, I've never had to do something like this. How do you women live without your best friend for so long? I'm already wearing his shirts to bed and crying and it's not even been two days. Any tips to get past it?
by on Oct. 28, 2013 at 1:14 AM
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Replies (1-10):
lovemyairman150
by Member on Oct. 28, 2013 at 2:48 AM
YES. Stop it! Seriously. It's okay and normal to be sad, but STOP the pity party. You need to try and keep as normal of a routine as possible. You'll find that the rest of the world does not stop because your DF is gone, no matter how badly you wish it would. Do not count down days. It will drive you insane and make time feel like it's passing SLOWER. Write letters if you can, even if you have no return address yet. Just live your life. Be strong for him and for your son. It will not be the last time he leaves, but you will get stronger and be able to deal with it better as time goes on. Again, it's okay to be sad, but do not dwell in your misery. It won't help anything.
lovemyairman150
by Member on Oct. 28, 2013 at 2:51 AM
Also, before the deployment, spend as much time doing family things as you can. It'll make you feel like you made the most of your time and you won't go through that feeling of regret. Also, I know some women start to bicker more with their husbands, sometimes are even unaware that they're doing it, just because they think they won't miss him as much if they're annoyed. DON'T DO THAT. Lol, my mom told me she used to do that with my dad before he would leave until he called her out on it.
sahmw2010
by Beth on Oct. 28, 2013 at 6:47 AM
1 mom liked this
Be ur own person and stop relying soley on him to be happy. Get out and do things just u an the baby. Also makes the time go faster if ur busy instead of sittig home and crying
Okie-chick
by on Oct. 28, 2013 at 6:51 AM
We're in Hawaii and my husband went to the big island to the field for a month. I hated it. First time being away. I'm pregnant so I think if I wasn't I'd be fine. He has to go back for only two weeks in December. Much better than a month.

I hung out a lot with a friend who has a daughter my daughters age. Definitely made the time go by quicker.
darbyakeep45
by Darby on Oct. 28, 2013 at 7:04 AM
1 mom liked this

Welcome to the group.  My husband is also on subs.  First of all, I would recommend you edit your post and take out all dates...even months.  It's better to be safe than sorry.  I always steer clear of posting ANYTHING on the internet that references when my husband will be gone.  Not a good idea.  Next, you can do this.  Take things one day at a time.  Make yourself mini goals you want to meet each week...go to the park to meet other moms, join a moms group in your area, get a new book to read, etc.  Something I did when my husband was gone (back when we first got married) was to write in journal everyday.  It was a journal to him...I told him about my day, what I did, how I felt, etc.  This way when he got home, he didn't feel like he was out of the loop the whole time he was gone.  Communication is few and far between on subs, so it is hard at times when you really want an email or to talk to them and you can't.  Just write in your journal.  You can do this.  Do it for your new baby.  Hugs!

Katkinson
by Kristin on Oct. 28, 2013 at 7:19 AM
2 moms liked this

 

What she said! 

DH is subs too.  BE PREPARED FOR CRAPPY COMMUNICATIONS, that's all I have to say.  That's important. . . that was something I wasn't expecting during DH's first deployment.  Sometimes they transmit messages, sometimes they don't.   There may also be blackout periods when the only way to get messages to them is via familygram, and you WON'T hear from them.  ( However this current sub is the only one out of three that I've experienced this with). 

Just find ways to stay busy!

And there's this:  If you find you can't get past a particular step, it may be worth it to talk to someone.  A chaplain, a base counselor, etc. 

Quoting darbyakeep45:

Welcome to the group.  My husband is also on subs.  First of all, I would recommend you edit your post and take out all dates...even months.  It's better to be safe than sorry.  I always steer clear of posting ANYTHING on the internet that references when my husband will be gone.  Not a good idea.  Next, you can do this.  Take things one day at a time.  Make yourself mini goals you want to meet each week...go to the park to meet other moms, join a moms group in your area, get a new book to read, etc.  Something I did when my husband was gone (back when we first got married) was to write in journal everyday.  It was a journal to him...I told him about my day, what I did, how I felt, etc.  This way when he got home, he didn't feel like he was out of the loop the whole time he was gone.  Communication is few and far between on subs, so it is hard at times when you really want an email or to talk to them and you can't.  Just write in your journal.  You can do this.  Do it for your new baby.  Hugs!


 

barrelracer1699
by Chel on Oct. 28, 2013 at 7:20 AM

Stay busy, don't dwell on the fact that he is gone. Get out and do stuff!

Katkinson
by Kristin on Oct. 28, 2013 at 8:16 AM

 

I do totally do that.  Thankfully I have a very understanding husband and he just says "I know what you're doing. . . stop".  Usually I can snap out of it. 

Quoting lovemyairman150:

Also, before the deployment, spend as much time doing family things as you can. It'll make you feel like you made the most of your time and you won't go through that feeling of regret. Also, I know some women start to bicker more with their husbands, sometimes are even unaware that they're doing it, just because they think they won't miss him as much if they're annoyed. DON'T DO THAT. Lol, my mom told me she used to do that with my dad before he would leave until he called her out on it.


 

jas_momof2
by アニメの雌犬 on Oct. 28, 2013 at 8:23 AM

What they said.  You have two feet.  Stand on them.

sleepy_in_va
by Silver Member on Oct. 28, 2013 at 9:52 AM
I agree with the other ladies. Good luck. You will be fine.
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