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The rest of my question (sorry)

Posted by on Nov. 15, 2013 at 5:14 AM
  • 23 Replies

Hi! I am a wife of a wonderful man who is active duty army but listed as medical leave due to his fight with cancer. His type of cancer originally was a type cancer you contract genetically (which wasn't the case) or chemical exposure. Being that he was diagnosed within months of returning from his second deployment to Iraq, one would conclude that's where it came from, although the government will never acknowledge it that way. Things have progressed and now they have found a tumor on his heart. Life saving surgery is being arranged at a private hospital out of state due to the severity. He shockingly is only liste 50% disabled with the military. We were informed yesterday that his intake consultation is in one week!! The military is paying our airfare but nothing more (hotels, food, cabs, child are for our children while we are gone) with my husband out of work times are very hard and I am told I have to be there in order to be taught how to care for him after this major surgery as well as fully explained the risks involved. The cancer society cannot help with anything bc of the short notice and we are in a terrible bind. Someone created a quick fundraising event thru the gofundme website, where people can donate to help with the travel expenses to make sure we are able to go to this life saving surgery. My question is would it be ok to share the link here also to help him. We would be forever grateful anyone who can help in the cause, the only other place it ha been posted is on our Facebook account. I'm just distraught and am willing to do anything to make sure he's there so he has a chance to live through this. Thank you in advance for your reply. I am just sad that after he has served 10 years ready, that the government isn't more helpful in this :(. Again, thank you!!!
by on Nov. 15, 2013 at 5:14 AM
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by on Nov. 15, 2013 at 7:45 AM

My suggestion would to be pound the pavement.  Post flyers with the link EVERYWHERE.  You'll most likely get the best results locally.  ALso, go to the Relief society affiliated with your spouse's branch.  They can give interest free loans, but most likely in this case they'd just give you a grant.  Put the link in local newspapers, get on facebook and join any and every community group you can find, post it there.  Contact teh VFW and the Legion halls in your area and explain your situation. 

Exhaust EVERY avenue. .. I don't want to be rude, but it seems you've only scratched the surface on potential ways to get this funded.  GOOD LUCK and I hope you can swing this!!! 

WE are navy, and the first place i'd go is the Navy Marine Corps releif society, and The Fleet and family service center.  ANY TIME i have EVER needed anything, they have gotten it for me.  NEVER EVER Have let me down.  Each branch should have an equitable organization (s). 

Again, I'll be thinking about you and hope it turns out OK. 

by on Nov. 15, 2013 at 7:48 AM

call local radio stations, TV stations, etc. . . . in order to donate enough for your trip,  A MASSIVE amount of people need to know about it. .. private FB and posting on here will most likely only get a few donations. ..appeal to the media!!!!


I also forgot to add, although I know you have your frustrations with themilitary not taking care of this, DO NOT put that on any of your fundraising advertising ( and don't say it, either).  You most definitely won't get help from any relief society or family service center if it appears you're pointing out the government's shortcomings. . . .the legion and VFW may be hesitant to help you out if you bash the DOD, no matter how gently it is. 

Again, I think I know your frustrations ( I've had my fair share of experiences in being shafted by the government. . . . I was AD too)  but I think it might be best when you MASS ADVERTISE to keep that part quiet.  It's enough that your spouse has honorably served, your family is in tough financial times, and you need to get airfare for a very worthy purpose. 

THis is just my opinion. . . it can be wrong. . . this is just my take on things. 

by on Nov. 15, 2013 at 8:16 AM
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Im not saying this is or isnt true. But i gate gofundme stuff, i have come across more people just wanting money and not needing it for the reason they say. So IF u really are having the issues u say, there are other options available. Try exhausting them before gofundme.
by on Nov. 15, 2013 at 8:44 AM

First, I'm so sorry your family is going through this. There is an organization that may be able to help- The yellow ribbon fund. Also, you may qualify for a program through the Va since you will be his primary care giver during his recovery- The Va program is for those who have been injured, and those who are ill. I would contact the yellow ribbon fund first for your immediate needs and then the Va to help with longer term needs. The Va form is easy to fill out, and you can have the dr at the private hospital fill out the medical part and then send it in. There is also another program that you may qualify for-

The form may look intimidating, but it's definitely worth applying for.

Over the last several months there have been some discoveries made about military members coming back from deployments with high toxicity levels due to lead exposure, burn pits, and so on. However, as you and I both know the military does not always like to acknowledge these things publicly. Many military hospitals and doctors do not do full comprehensive testing for exposure, and many times they will not listen or entertain the idea that this type of testing is necessary for those who are presenting certain symptoms. Because you stated that the diagnosis came soon after the deployment it may be beneficial to bring this up to his doctor at the private hospital and see if they can do a comprehensive blood panel to test for high toxicity levels. The private hospital would have the means to do the testing, and are generally more aware and receptive to looking at things like this.  If it is determined that there is a link between the deployment and the cancer you will be able to appeal the rating and ensure that he will have proper medical care for his needs in the future. I sincerely wish you and your family the best and hope that this surgery will be a major success. If i can help in any way, please feel free to pm me. 

by on Nov. 15, 2013 at 8:48 AM
Lots of great advice here!
by on Nov. 15, 2013 at 10:56 AM
Thank you for the advice!! As far as talking negative about the government... There are some negative feelings there bc at the beginning of this cancer treatment there were some things that could have been done different... So much so that one of the VA doctors have even admitted to me themselves that the Original VA we went to was at fault. We are left unable to naturally have children and most importantly him fighting for his life. It's hard to explain this all in a post. I know someone stated I haven't exhausted all avenues... Of course I haven't, I just found out in the last 30 hours or so that my husbands cancer is back, is on his heart, and we need to make a four day trip in less than a week! So along with the emotional aspect, I'm totally stressed out.. I did contact a few agencies but the problem they have is the same as mine.. Too short notice! I guess Facebook is an easier place to post it bc the people on there know us at least well enough to know we are going through this and its not a matter of "if" we are and just trying to get money, along with that, they know the hell my husband has gone through since his diagnosis... But thank you for your suggestions as I will add that to my list of places for me to call and check into today. I'm just at a loss as to what I'm gonna do, so I'm thinking of anything and sorry if I offended anyone by asking... And thanks for the helpful advice
by Darby on Nov. 15, 2013 at 4:49 PM

Big hugs and the best of luck mama!

by on Nov. 15, 2013 at 6:28 PM
Thank u for all ur best wishes and prayers Momma's... Prayers are just as vital in this as anything else!!! This will be a be a very trying, emotional, and strenuous time in our family's journey... We need all the prayers we can get... For our strength and emotional well being but ESP for my husbands healing!!! Thank u to all!!
See you all on the flip side! Bye!
Today at 9:20 AM
by アニメの雌犬 on Nov. 15, 2013 at 7:37 PM
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Yeah...  I don't do those gofundme things.  There are way too many scammers and it's hard to tell what is real and what isn't especially when it comes to tragic stories.  There have been some really sad ones in here that have been proven to be false.  I do wish you good luck and your husband will be in our prayers.

by Silver Member on Nov. 15, 2013 at 10:00 PM
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Ya, it's getting to be that time of year again too...Remember the broken into car last year with the broken window and no gifts for her daughter? I know that person took a couple CMers for gifts and money. 

Quoting jas_momof2:

Yeah...  I don't do those gofundme things.  There are way too many scammers and it's hard to tell what is real and what isn't especially when it comes to tragic stories.  There have been some really sad ones in here that have been proven to be false.  I do wish you good luck and your husband will be in our prayers.

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