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first timer! sad =( with a little one

Posted by on Jan. 28, 2014 at 7:53 PM
  • 35 Replies

hi all! i know my situation is not as bad as what a lot of what military families have gone thru but im having a hard time, just need some advice or reassurance.

my SO just left for Fort Sill, OK yesterday and then he will go to arizona. He will be away for a minimum of  6 months.  We have a 2 year old dd together and she doesnt understand exactly what is going on but she is acting out, which is totally understandable and i feel for her because im having my own adult emotional hardtime as well, if that makes sense.

just wondering if anyone has any advice or has dealt with this with having a two year old or younger children and how you explain where daddy is and why hes not home?

thanks so much

by on Jan. 28, 2014 at 7:53 PM
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Replies (1-10):
darbyakeep45
by Darby on Jan. 28, 2014 at 8:52 PM

Welcome to the group!  I'm honestly not sure what to tell you about your child as my son is special needs and doesn't really understand when my husband is gone.  These ladies will have great advice though:)

As for yourself, you have to take things one day at a time.  Make some short term goals for yourself, find a new hobby, make some playdate times with friends.  Keep yourself busy.  You will be fine.  

Hugs!

cocoroo
by Coco on Jan. 28, 2014 at 8:54 PM
5 moms liked this

I'm going to get this out of the way first........it isn't a deployment.

When my kids were younger and my dh actually deployed (Iraq and Afghanistan), did a year unaccompanied in Korea, and went to BCT and AIT, I just told them daddy had to go away for work.  It was never much of an issue for them.  As they got older, the deployments got hard for a bit, but now they are just used to him being gone.

As for you, stay strong or atleast appear strong around her.  Don't let her get away with things because you are upset or feel bad for her.  Stay busy.  Don't just sit home and do nothing.

lilmama8408
by Member on Jan. 28, 2014 at 8:55 PM
Do fun stuff and try to keep busy

Keep a normal routine

Try to do phone calls or skype when possible.

She can help make crafts and stuff for daddy

When it was down to 2 weeks I had ds help me make a countdown chain.
jas_momof2
by アニメの雌犬 on Jan. 28, 2014 at 9:13 PM

What they said.  Keep her and yourself occupied.

chrlstoncharmed
by Melissa on Jan. 28, 2014 at 9:20 PM
You will be able to visit him, right?
NickLukeandEmma
by Courtney on Jan. 28, 2014 at 10:25 PM
2 moms liked this

All of what she said. He is at basic correct? Then AIT (or training)? He should be able to write letters and maybe make calls at basic and for sure at AIT. You should be able to see him at some points during those six months. Try and take it in more manageable chunks of time. Daily if need be. If not daily then maybe until graduation from basic, then the next milestone, etc.

Develop a routine and stick to it. Try to stay busy and be strong for your child. It also helps if you remember that your husband is not only missing you and you child but also home and every normal thing from his life before the military. Other than that just try to be happy while he is gone. Don't put your life on hold.

Quoting cocoroo:

I'm going to get this out of the way first........it isn't a deployment.

When my kids were younger and my dh actually deployed (Iraq and Afghanistan), did a year unaccompanied in Korea, and went to BCT and AIT, I just told them daddy had to go away for work.  It was never much of an issue for them.  As they got older, the deployments got hard for a bit, but now they are just used to him being gone.

As for you, stay strong or atleast appear strong around her.  Don't let her get away with things because you are upset or feel bad for her.  Stay busy.  Don't just sit home and do nothing.


skyemama5611
by Member on Jan. 29, 2014 at 5:16 AM
Quoting darbyakeep45:

Welcome to the group!  I'm honestly not sure what to tell you about your child as my son is special needs and doesn't really understand when my husband is gone.  These ladies will have great advice though:)

As for yourself, you have to take things one day at a time.  Make some short term goals for yourself, find a new hobby, make some playdate times with friends.  Keep yourself busy.  You will be fine.  

Hugs!

thank you so much!
skyemama5611
by Member on Jan. 29, 2014 at 5:27 AM


Quoting cocoroo:

I'm going to get this out of the way first........it isn't a deployment.

When my kids were younger and my dh actually deployed (Iraq and Afghanistan), did a year unaccompanied in Korea, and went to BCT and AIT, I just told them daddy had to go away for work.  It was never much of an issue for them.  As they got older, the deployments got hard for a bit, but now they are just used to him being gone.

As for you, stay strong or atleast appear strong around her.  Don't let her get away with things because you are upset or feel bad for her.  Stay busy.  Don't just sit home and do nothing.


im sorry if i offended you. Like i said in my OP, i know this is nothing compared to what some of you have gone thru, but this is our first time and i am new to all this. I apologize for calling it a deployment but  I didnt know how else to refer to it and I thought since everyone was military, you would get what I was tryin to get at since I stated Im new to this and this is his first time too. So just wanted to clairfy. Thank you for your advice.

im sorry if i offended you. like


SlapItHigh
by Gold Member on Jan. 29, 2014 at 10:44 PM

I agree with the advice already given and don't have much to add other than a virtual  hug!

Elle.tea.22
by Bronze Member on Jan. 29, 2014 at 10:46 PM
That isn't a deployment.
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