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Military Families Military Families

How would you feel given my situation.

Posted by on Mar. 6, 2014 at 11:50 PM
  • 29 Replies

So Im posting here because I feel this group will understand the best even though my husband is out of the military(in for 6, has been out a year) and many of yours are still in. Also most of this situation is based around "what ifs" but it is a real situation discussion wise for DH and I. If that makes sense.

I will be the first to admit Im poorly educated on what is going on with Russia and the Ukraine. Ive spent the last hour trying to catch up, form and opinion and educate myself. We dont have cable tv, only internet.

What prompted this was my husband asking what I knew. He said that should the US go to NATO aid, if he is not called back(still has a year left of inactive) he will *join*. I told him Im not happy with that(this is where the whole "what ifs come in).

His side is that its what feel right to him, what he feels is his duty(which I understand). Many of his frineds are still in, that he needs to stand up when he feels many peoople would not.

My side is that he got out when his contract was up for a reason. We have 3 boys(6, 4, 10m) who are head over heals for him, and I dont want him to go. Maybe its my over reaction but i feel like hes pushing his luck of coming home. He went 3 times and thankful made it home when some of his friends did not. Why put himself in that position again. Most of this I said to him, but he had to go to work and said we would talk about it when he got home.

There is more I want to say to him but, Im afraid it will come out wrong.

This is my thought. He talks as if him going would make a difference. That comes out wrong dosent it. 1) not that he thinks hes some super human, but the ideal that everyperson counts towards the greater goal 2) I dont want him to think im diminishing his part in what ever the goal may be.

But I can gaurentee that him not being in our boys's life(should the terrible happen) will make the biggest difference. I think we see that from different sides though. I see it as them not having their father, he sees it as showing them he stood up for what he thought was right and should be done.


I almost want to tell him we should just move on because I feel like its such a far fetched sinario anyway. But maybe this is a discussion that needs to be had?


Any advice ladies?

by on Mar. 6, 2014 at 11:50 PM
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Replies (1-10):
chrlstoncharmed
by Melissa on Mar. 7, 2014 at 12:16 AM
1 mom liked this
Do you mean in the event that we have a military confrontation with Russia? I honestly don't think it will ever happen.
NickLukeandEmma
by Courtney on Mar. 7, 2014 at 12:20 AM
1 mom liked this

I wouldn't get upset over something that won't likely happen. We cannot let Putin go completely unchecked, but taking military action against Russia would be suicide. People in this country are already so very tired of policing problems in other countries. 

Even if we did take military action against them I do not believe it would be on a large enough scale for them to call up IRR guys or start signing (resigning) people. Don't upset yourself by thinking about something very unlikely to happen.

Diatech12
by Member on Mar. 7, 2014 at 12:27 AM


Quoting chrlstoncharmed: Do you mean in the event that we have a military confrontation with Russia? I honestly don't think it will ever happen.

Yes, and the more I read the more I dont think it will either. Which is why this what such a "what if " situation. It just upset me a little I guess. That we are at odds about him going(again hypothetically). I didnt think that would be his position.

Diatech12
by Member on Mar. 7, 2014 at 12:29 AM


Quoting NickLukeandEmma:

I wouldn't get upset over something that won't likely happen. We cannot let Putin go completely unchecked, but taking military action against Russia would be suicide. People in this country are already so very tired of policing problems in other countries. 

Even if we did take military action against them I do not believe it would be on a large enough scale for them to call up IRR guys or start signing (resigning) people. Don't upset yourself by thinking about something very unlikely to happen.

Thank you, I feel the same about it being unlikely to happen the more I read.

Im trying not to get upset which Is why I think I should just tell him we sould discuss it when(rather IF) we reach that bridge.

Diatech12
by Member on Mar. 7, 2014 at 12:30 AM
1 mom liked this

And thank you both for actual discussion. THe more I come to this site, well cafe mom in general, the less I see actual discussion. Just a lot of people being mean and rude.

NickLukeandEmma
by Courtney on Mar. 7, 2014 at 12:31 AM
2 moms liked this

Honestly if it was something he felt very strongly about trying to stop him would be a bad idea. I think the resentment from him if you stopped him would be greater than your resentment towards him for doing it. You knew what kind of man he was when you married him. To some men it is a thing of honor. They feel like they must do it. Like I said, I don't think it will happen. I hope it doesn't happen. There are plenty of ways to make Russia hurt that don't involve military action.

Plus, all throughout history and military who has tried to invade Russia hasn't been very successful at all.

NickLukeandEmma
by Courtney on Mar. 7, 2014 at 12:33 AM
1 mom liked this

We can get pretty rowdy. If someone asks us something seriously and doesn't act like a complete tool then we try and help them. If someone comes in here with entitlement issues, a bad attitude or shoots down every solution people come up with we usually call them on it.

Quoting Diatech12:

And thank you both for actual discussion. THe more I come to this site, well cafe mom in general, the less I see actual discussion. Just a lot of people being mean and rude.


NickLukeandEmma
by Courtney on Mar. 7, 2014 at 12:34 AM

It is good that you talk about it. It would suck to be blind sided by it if it did come to pass. At this point I think just dropping it would be best. Good luck!

Quoting Diatech12:


Quoting NickLukeandEmma:

I wouldn't get upset over something that won't likely happen. We cannot let Putin go completely unchecked, but taking military action against Russia would be suicide. People in this country are already so very tired of policing problems in other countries. 

Even if we did take military action against them I do not believe it would be on a large enough scale for them to call up IRR guys or start signing (resigning) people. Don't upset yourself by thinking about something very unlikely to happen.

Thank you, I feel the same about it being unlikely to happen the more I read.

Im trying not to get upset which Is why I think I should just tell him we sould discuss it when(rather IF) we reach that bridge.


Diatech12
by Member on Mar. 7, 2014 at 12:37 AM


Quoting NickLukeandEmma:

Honestly if it was something he felt very strongly about trying to stop him would be a bad idea. I think the resentment from him if you stopped him would be greater than your resentment towards him for doing it. You knew what kind of man he was when you married him. To some men it is a thing of honor. They feel like they must do it. Like I said, I don't think it will happen. I hope it doesn't happen. There are plenty of ways to make Russia hurt that don't involve military action.

Plus, all throughout history and military who has tried to invade Russia hasn't been very successful at all.

Oh yeah, I told him that if that happend I would support him. I love him and I would never divorce him over sonething like that, it would defeat the purpose lol. And if he did go, me not being supportive wouldnt be helpful to him. This wasnt a discussing when he first joined and our family dinamic was totally different. I mean I was 17 and "grounded" when he joined. I wasnt even made aware until it was done. I wouldnt have stopped him then, but we also didnt have 3 children. I guess my side is that hes done the honorable thing already, again sounds terrible. I know hes no coward(not that those who dont join are!) though.

darbyakeep45
by Darby on Mar. 7, 2014 at 5:40 AM

I agree with Courtney here.  Good luck!

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