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Military Families Military Families

have you ever...

Posted by on Mar. 22, 2014 at 10:48 AM
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have you ever done vacations back to your home state to visit family? We've always done this (7 years now), and every time we go, someone in my husband's family gets annoyed because they didn't get enough time with us. Even when we have divided our time equally, his family always complains. Well, my husband decided he no longer wants to do vacations home to FL. So we have planned a trip this spring break to DC for the cherry blossom festival, and have booked a disney cruise for next year. When he told his family our plans, his mom and brother freaked out. I thought they whined before. Now it's them crying "I will never see you guys, yada yada yada". 

I just don't get why they never can come and visit us, but are so overbearing when we come. We spend thousands in airfare, or  several hundred driving to/from see them, and by the end someone's feelings are always hurt. We have all our family in one area of FL. So we get see everyone at once. But obviously we have to limit our time with everybody. Especially since his parents are divorced. Do you have extended family dramas with your vacations? I am at a point now, that I just don't care anymore. I just feel bad for my husband, because every email or phone call from his family is them asking if/when we will come home for a visit.

by on Mar. 22, 2014 at 10:48 AM
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Replies (1-10):
mnkymommy08
by Bronze Member on Mar. 22, 2014 at 11:08 AM
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This past Christmas was DH's first trip home in almost 4 yrs. We are going again this summer and his family is just happy to get to see him. The only person who is causing drama is one of his sisters because she's currently not welcome at my MIL's due to poor lifestyle choices and DH and I don't want to see her because we don't want her around our kids.
jas_momof2
by アニメの雌犬 on Mar. 22, 2014 at 11:12 AM
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Been there, done that.  We stopped visiting them and told them the road travels in both directions and left it at that.

Molimomma
by Bronze Member on Mar. 22, 2014 at 11:20 AM
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All our "vacations" have been to visit family. DHs parents live in FL too. My mom is in VA and it seems like somebody is always asking when we are coming. His parents have come to visit us twice, once before our son was born and only once after.(we've been married 7 years and our son is 4). His sister just moved to AZ last summer and his mom has already been there twice, one of which was actually our son's birthday! My mom comes to visit once a year and my son and I go to her once a year(except last year). It is starting to bug me because I would like to take my son to the beach(he's 4 and never been) and I would LOVE to do a real WDW trip or DCL cruise but we'd have to really save up for that. It's hard because I want to visit but plane tickets are SO expensive and my son has some sensory issues so traveling with him is NOT easy and requires a lot of extra work that nobody but me seems to understand so the "vacation" isn't really a vacation at all but lots of expense and stress.

24clark
by Member on Mar. 22, 2014 at 11:23 AM
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I learned right away from my sister (mil spouse for 15 more years than I) to make it very clear to everyone that when we come home to my home state we have an itinerary. If someone wants to see us, they must make the effort to work around our schedule. This is our vacation and if we can travel the 1700 miles to the state, they can travel the hour it takes to see us. We don't fret about anyone that cannot accomodate that. Family or friends. I clearly state were we will be and when. If someone invites us over that is unreasonable for our schedule or distance, I simply state that our time is limited and we have an agenda and if they can find the time to come see us, we would love to see them. If not, then I am sorry we will miss them. 

So sorry when it is family putting selfish demands on you and your husband. I made the very mistake with my sister when I was living the civilian life and she came home to visit. So I can understand, a bit. But if you have clearly stated what you say in your OP, then they can either compromise, or shut up because they do not have any reason to complain. You could also reiterate that they are welcome to come to your home if they want your more one on one attention. 

MrsDavidB25
by Stacey on Mar. 22, 2014 at 11:31 AM
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 No, we don't. Our idea of spending lots of money to sit on our parents couch has never been a good time. We use or funds/vacation time to travel to places that interest us.

violinjewel
by Julia on Mar. 22, 2014 at 11:35 AM
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Our last vacation was to southern CA to go to the beach and Disneyland. This was almost a year ago. My family lives in central CA, and we told them they could come down and visit with us and stay in our RV to reduce their costs. They did come down, and we had a great time. We live a 1000 miles away from them, so any chance my parents can see us, they take us up on it. I wouldn't want to take a long vacation in my hometown, there's nothing to do there, and it's hot there.
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cocoroo
by Coco on Mar. 22, 2014 at 11:45 AM
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When we lived on the east coast, we would go see them every so often. I live in Wa state, they are in NJ. I haven't been back to NJ since Thanksgiving 2010. Planes and roads go both ways.
sahmw2010
by Beth on Mar. 22, 2014 at 11:50 AM
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We visit home. And we tell ALL friends and family, "we will be in this area from such and suchdate. If you would like to see us, you can deive their, we will give you directions if needed. We drove thousands of miles to get here, you can drive the rest of the way. We will not be driving around to see everyone" they know agead of tine. So they can bitch and complain all they want. We dont care
mom2jessnky
by Dedi on Mar. 22, 2014 at 12:18 PM
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My husband's family is like that, well his mom is. There is no pleasing that woman. It doesn't even matter she'll find something to bitch about, so I just don't worry about it anymore. I just ignore her, if she's going to go on a perma-victim streak I may as well give her a reason.

Now she can go cry to her friends that her horrible DIL ignores her all the time and she's done nothing to deserve it. At least I won't have to hear it. My husband basically ignores her too.



UCFknight
by Bronze Member on Mar. 22, 2014 at 12:40 PM

It's a bit comforting to know, it happens to others. I was starting to think his family was crazy. My dad is a retired Master Chief, and my mom was in the Army for four years, so they don't complain at all. They also makes trips to us. But his family think they deserve extra time since my family makes the effort to visit, while his has not. But my husband and I have always divided our time amongst family equally. We have been giving his family though some extra time these last couple years, but still get a lecture of not enough time.

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