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MIL/SIL rant! They make me so angry! *ETA*

Posted by on Mar. 25, 2014 at 5:40 PM
  • 39 Replies

I'm so pissed at my SIL and MIL right now, that this got pretty long.


In August, my FIL passed away. Since then, my DH has been having to send money to Mexico to his mother and sister. For some reason, his mother refuses to get a job. His sister, brags about how "independent" she is and can fend for herself.... but, also refuses to get a job. She is 17, turns 18 in August. I have family in Mexico too- since they were all 14, they have gone out to get a job. I have an aunt and uncle who were pretty well off, so their kids didn't need a job, but they wanted to be independent and make their own money, so they got a job.


I just don't understand why my SIL doesn't want to get a job.... and she NEEDS one! When we moved here in October, my husband didn't want me to work- the plan for us was so I could go back to school full time and also try and get pregnant. Since his mother and sister refuse to get a job and we have to keep sending them money, that plan has been put on hold.... again!


I'm now working 3 jobs which I pretty much just started all of them, so I haven't really gotten paid yet. One of the jobs is cleaning a couple houses on my free days. Another is a retail job, which they only had part-time, but it was something. The other, is marketing for a company and it's one of those work-from-home jobs, so I do it on my days off from the retail job.


I'm doing what I can to pay our bills and also have enough to send my MIL and SIL. But, they won't even give us a chance to catch up on our own bills! What pisses me off even more, is that they are both "woe is me" type of people and make up all these stories so we can send them money.


When we got our taxes, we wanted to use a good chunk of that to fix our car. We were only able to do minimal stuff on it, because we had to send them $1,500 because his sister sent this "urgent" message saying how their mom needed a surgery or she could die... blah, blah, blah. Our car still hasn't gotten fixed and it's only getting worse!


Well, that was almost 2 months ago.... and she never got a surgery. A month after that, she had some other excuse and we sent them $800. Now, it's happening every week where they "need" money and we have to send them some more. We are late on a couple bills because we don't have enough to pay our own stuff because we have to keep sending them money.


Another thing that makes me so angry is that they call my husband and make him feel terrible! They tell him stuff like, "I thought you would man up and be better after your father died!" or "You don't even remember that you have family here anymore!" Then they go and demand money after they tell him all that. We were trying to save money so we could go see them for my DH's birthday, but we haven't been able to put $1 in savings and then they give him crap how he hasn't gone to visit yet.


It just baffles me how we make $40 last a week here for gas and food and they can't make $80 last more than 4 days! His sister messaged him a while ago saying they need more money. She even said they "need" $100. We don't even have that much right now. I told him to tell her that we can only send $40 right now and then when he gets paid we will send the rest, because if we send any more, then we won't have money for gas and we won't be able to get to work and then we won't get paid and then we won't even have a penny to send them.


He did. We'll see how that goes.


Rant over.


Update

The day I wrote this, that night, I was waiting for my husband to get home so we could talk about this more. It ended up being like a 3-day conversation. We've been busy with work and stuff, that we had to pretty much keep putting the conversation on "pause" and then continue the next day.

The very next day, we got a letter from the IRS, saying we had missed something on our taxes and we received a check with the rest of our refund apparently. It was such a huge blessing for us! When I saw the check, I literally cried! We were able to get my husband new boots and gear that he really needed for work. We also paid bills and did a little more work on our car.

We also did use a little bit and went out to dinner, which we had not done in a very, very long time. We finished our talk about his mother and sister. He was saying how his mother is so stubborn and she will probably get mad- I told him he has to be stubborn as well and if she gets mad, then so what? She'll eventually get over it.

He sent his sister a message that night, telling her that we don't have the kind of money to be sending them so much all the time. He told her that we will still help, but we can only send $120 every 2 weeks. She said they will "try" to make that last, but everything is "so expensive" over there. Which is total BS, because things cannot be more expensive there than here and we make that last with no problem.

I just hope this works out. I keep seeing pictures of her on FaceBook with really nice shoes and clothes that I know she didn't have before (because she lived with us before) and also pictures of her out with her friends all the time doing things that require spending money. If she wants to keep up her little lifestyle, then she should really try on getting a job. I don't think it's fair that I'm working my butt off and I can barely even afford to buy me a stinking bra!

by on Mar. 25, 2014 at 5:40 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Peaceful.chaos
by Member on Mar. 25, 2014 at 5:43 PM
Pardon my ignorance, but is that a cultural thing? I cannot imagine my mom expecting her children to support her like that. I would never do that either.
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Mizuagi
by Bronze Member on Mar. 25, 2014 at 5:55 PM

I guess you can say that. My parents would give money to my grandparents when we would go and visit them, which was pretty often. But they didin't expect it, my parents just did it because they wanted to. If they had any money problems, they never told my parents. My brother and I don't give any money to our parents, because my dad worked his butt off when he got here from Mexico so we would never have to.

Quoting Peaceful.chaos: Pardon my ignorance, but is that a cultural thing? I cannot imagine my mom expecting her children to support her like that. I would never do that either.


mnkymommy08
by Bronze Member on Mar. 25, 2014 at 5:57 PM
Can he go to mexico? We are at Bliss (my husband is Army) and they aren't allowed to travel to mexico for any reason. And personally, I would talk to my husband if his mom or sisters were doing that. You need to make sure you are taken care of. There is no reason they cant take care of themselves. Tell him how you feel about it. How are you guys supposed to try to start a family if you are sending $ to them? Hope I'm not coming off as rude
ReadWriteLuv
by Silver Member on Mar. 25, 2014 at 6:04 PM
4 moms liked this

You do realize that a simple, two-letter word will suffice here, don't you? N-O. Just say no. You don't HAVE to give them money.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 25, 2014 at 6:10 PM

I'd be frank with them, it's really not okay. Take care of yourselves first. Pay your bills, get your car fixed, buy all the food and gas you want! It's your money! Then they will realize they need to get jobs, you shouldn't have to work 3 jobs to support two ungrateful people who can take care of themselves. I wouldn't stand for this. I'd send them money, but only enough to buy food. If I didn't see proof of what they needed extra money for, then too bad. Get a job and pay for it. They are just making your husband feel bad so he sends them money, if they are such leeches and so ungrateful, cut contact. This made me angry just reading it. 

We used to have to send money to dh's dad cause he wasn't working and spending his veteran retirement pay on buying a motorcycle and going out to eat and whatever else. So he didn't have money for rent. Well we didn't have enough for our bills, so we stopped and were frank with him. He needed to take care of himself. He has a job now and we only pay for him to visit now.

Just talk to your husband, obviously this isn't a good place to be in.

Mizuagi
by Bronze Member on Mar. 25, 2014 at 6:10 PM
When his father passed, he was able to go. He was told only certain places and red flagged and he can't go, but if he gets permission, depending on the area, then he can.

And you're not coming off as rude, because you're right! haha. I did tell him, over the phone, that we can't keep sending them so much money all the time. When he gets home, we are going to talk about it more.


Quoting mnkymommy08: Can he go to mexico? We are at Bliss (my husband is Army) and they aren't allowed to travel to mexico for any reason. And personally, I would talk to my husband if his mom or sisters were doing that. You need to make sure you are taken care of. There is no reason they cant take care of themselves. Tell him how you feel about it. How are you guys supposed to try to start a family if you are sending $ to them? Hope I'm not coming off as rude
Mizuagi
by Bronze Member on Mar. 25, 2014 at 6:17 PM
When my husband gets home tonight, we are going to talk about it more. I told him that I want to pay off bills, but if we keep doing this, we never will. When his father passed, he knew he would have to send them money, but not so much.

And I really don't care if he does either, but more reasonable. I want to be able to pay our bills, buy necessities, put some in savings and then send them enough for food for 2 weeks. But they're not even giving us a chance to do any of that because they always need money.

It's going to be hard, but yeah.... I'm gonna need to tell him that.


Quoting Anonymous:

I'd be frank with them, it's really not okay. Take care of yourselves first. Pay your bills, get your car fixed, buy all the food and gas you want! It's your money! Then they will realize they need to get jobs, you shouldn't have to work 3 jobs to support two ungrateful people who can take care of themselves. I wouldn't stand for this. I'd send them money, but only enough to buy food. If I didn't see proof of what they needed extra money for, then too bad. Get a job and pay for it. They are just making your husband feel bad so he sends them money, if they are such leeches and so ungrateful, cut contact. This made me angry just reading it. 

We used to have to send money to dh's dad cause he wasn't working and spending his veteran retirement pay on buying a motorcycle and going out to eat and whatever else. So he didn't have money for rent. Well we didn't have enough for our bills, so we stopped and were frank with him. He needed to take care of himself. He has a job now and we only pay for him to visit now.

Just talk to your husband, obviously this isn't a good place to be in.

MrsDavidB25
by Stacey on Mar. 25, 2014 at 6:18 PM
1 mom liked this

 Hmm. I was in your exact spot for a while after I got married with DH supporting his parents. I put a stop to it as quick as I could. I had so much anger and resentment (toward DH and inlaws) Things are much better now that money is no longer involved with our relationship. You have to start saying no.

Mizuagi
by Bronze Member on Mar. 25, 2014 at 6:21 PM
It's so hard for my husband to say no on sending them money, because it's his mom. I also don't want to put him in that position. But, I am gonna talk to him about sending them a more reasonable amount. I want to pay our bills and do what we need first and then send them enough for food every 2 weeks, but no more than that or we will never get ahead.

I'm used to having a savings and having enough for emergencies.... but now we don't even have that.


Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

You do realize that a simple, two-letter word will suffice here, don't you? N-O. Just say no. You don't HAVE to give them money.

Rhodin
by Member on Mar. 25, 2014 at 6:21 PM
Send a copy of your bank statement with the words "you can't get blood from a stone" on it. Remember to cut the top part off completely. Don't trust sharpie alone to hide your account number.
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