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Military Families Military Families

Could you forgive an affair?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 65 Replies

My DH admitted that he had an affair.
I have been dealing with this and we are in counseling. I agreed to counseling to see if I could get past it and because I believe our family is worth saving. Obviously, one of the things that I am having issues with is my anger. It comes and goes. One minute I am fine and the next I have overwhelming anger.

I know I have made the decision to try and make it work. I own that, but I guess my question is CAN a relationship really work after an affair? Am I always going to be angry? Have you or anyone you know had a successful relationship after an affair.

I am anon for obvious reasons and feel free to answer anon too, if you have been in a similiar situation. No one in our family or group of friends know and I think that is part of why I am angry. I don't feel like I have anyone to talk to other than our counselor. I'm sorry if I am rambling, my fingers are moving faster than my mind.

Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 23, 2014 at 11:55 AM
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Replies (1-10):
gunsgirl
by Silver Member on Apr. 23, 2014 at 12:10 PM
3 moms liked this

no, cheating is a 100% deal breaker for my marriage-

Don't get me wrong I love my husband with all my heart- but if he cheated I could never get passed it, I could never get over it and I could never trust him again.

I could not lay with him knowing he put his cock in another woman, that he caressed her skin, that he kissed her lips, I could not get over what he would have talked to her about, and I could never forgive him for taking our issues outside of our marriage.

USAFamily
by Melissa on Apr. 23, 2014 at 12:23 PM
I couldn't do it. I know that about myself. I would be too insecure- I could never trust him again. And I won't live like that.

But everyone can handle different things. I wish you the best in however this pans out.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Apr. 23, 2014 at 12:28 PM
I did. It took a lot of work but we worked through it. It was really hard for me and I dealt with anger for a long time. It's been over 4 years ago now and I'm really glad I gave it one last shot. The counseling helped strengthen our marriage in many different ways. It sucked that an affair is what landed us in counseling, but we learned a lot about ourselves and (each other) during our sessions.
UCFknight
by Bronze Member on Apr. 23, 2014 at 12:31 PM

I am not sure I could work through it. I have not been in that situation, but I just don't think I could ever be with my husband again after that kind of a betrayal. I'm sorry you are having to go through this. 

jas_momof2
by アニメの雌犬 on Apr. 23, 2014 at 12:35 PM
2 moms liked this

Cheating isn't a deal breaker for me.  I think I could get past it, but it would depend on how repentant he is.  I know a few people that went through it.  Some have gotten past it and are still together - others have not. 

I wish you well...

Reina13
by Reina on Apr. 23, 2014 at 12:50 PM

I honestly don't know. I haven't been in that situation. If I think about it, I don't think the physical betrayal would be as difficult for me to get over as the emotional one.

What did they talk about? Did they talk about your marital issues (assuming you had marital issues). Did he come to her with this concerns, were their conversations intimate or was it just a physical thing. These are all things I would want to know.
I think it would also depend on whether or not you could ever trust him again or are you always going to wonder.

All I can really say is good luck to you.

HOOAHWifey
by New Member on Apr. 23, 2014 at 1:03 PM
2 moms liked this
Just cheating like a one night stand I think I could, but an affair that went on, no way that would be a deal breaker!
ReadWriteLuv
by Silver Member on Apr. 23, 2014 at 1:12 PM
1 mom liked this
It would very much depend on the circumstances. If he cheated 1 time with some random woman on DET or deployment after too many drinks and too much peer pressure Id be livid, but I could work through it. If it was a friend or coworker, whom he'd still have to see everyday, no. I would never trust him to fe around them again. I also could never forgive a long term affair. One time is a mistake. Any more than that is a conscious choice.i would also never forgive an encounter that produced a child. I'm not living with a permanent reminder that he stepped out on me.
chrlstoncharmed
by Melissa on Apr. 23, 2014 at 1:56 PM
1 mom liked this
I honestly don't know. I can't imagine him wanting to have sex and I certainly can't imagine any other woman on this planet taking an interest in him.
.Blondie.
by New Member on Apr. 23, 2014 at 2:50 PM
Nope I couldn't do it.

Good luck.
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