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Military Families Military Families

Advice about Joining

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 41 Replies
I just posted this in Mom Confessions until I realized that CM had a military group so sorry if you see this twice. Okay so I'm 22 and have a two year old daughter. Back in high school, I always wanted to join the military but sadly I cannot due to a birth defect that I was born with. I met my fiance a year ago and he too has a two year old son. He joined the marines after high school and made it through boot camp but then had to leave the military because his mom fell incredibly ill and he had to stay and take care of her. I don't know if finished boot camp or not when this happened. Well tonight we were both talking and for some reason, joining the military popped into my head and I got depressed (I'm pregnant so it happens) I was telling him what I thought the pros were to it all and what other military personnel has told me and it seemed to spark an interest to him. He says he's now thinking about joining again. I'm excited because I see the military as a life of travel. I may be wrong here but that's how it seems to me. Then I got to thinking that I don't really know what the military life entails. So ladies, what's it really like to be a military mommy/wife? Also, if we have children with other people, what happens if he joins and we get shipped across the u.s? Do we completly lose them?
Posted by Anonymous on May. 4, 2014 at 11:18 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous on May. 4, 2014 at 11:38 PM

Birth defect ?

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 4, 2014 at 11:41 PM
I was bor. With Amniotic Banding Syndrome and due to no toes or fingers on my right hand, they won't accept me

Quoting Anonymous:

Birth defect ?

love2readmom
by New Member on May. 4, 2014 at 11:57 PM

Being a military family deffently has its difficulties but it is also an amazing way of live. Moving is something that can be tough if you are not use to it. How often your family moves will depend on your fiances job and some other variables. At the same time though, moving around can be so rewarding. You have the opportunity to meet some truelly amazing people and you do have the opportunity to see places you never thought you would. Proably the hardest part of being a military dependent is deployments. I have yet to deal with a deployment as a mother, though I am not look forword to it. Even without kids in the mix it can be hard not knowing exactly how your significant other is. It is just part of the lifestyle though. 

Speaking more as the daughter of a military family instead of a wife now, it is an amazing life to grow up in as a kid. It can be tough moving around as a kid, it leads to a lot of schools. As you get older though you learn to love it. You make amazing friends (both as a wife and kid). It teaches adabtibility and independence. 

It is a tought lifestyle sometime but in my oppinion it is worth it. Though I admit I am al ittle biased. I have never known anything else. I grew up a military brat, joined after college myself, and then married a man in the military. If this is what your family wants to do, I would say go for it. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 5, 2014 at 12:03 AM
The only reason I can really think of for not letting him join is if he gets shipped to Japan or something. I understand there will be deployments and I understand they will be tough and inevitable but when I hear about being a single mother of three children while living in Japan, then no I don't want to do that. As long as me and the kids can stay in America, I'm completely fine with it. I just don't wanna move to a foreign country with children and no family.

Quoting love2readmom:

Being a military family deffently has its difficulties but it is also an amazing way of live. Moving is something that can be tough if you are not use to it. How often your family moves will depend on your fiances job and some other variables. At the same time though, moving around can be so rewarding. You have the opportunity to meet some truelly amazing people and you do have the opportunity to see places you never thought you would. Proably the hardest part of being a military dependent is deployments. I have yet to deal with a deployment as a mother, though I am not look forword to it. Even without kids in the mix it can be hard not knowing exactly how your significant other is. It is just part of the lifestyle though. 

Speaking more as the daughter of a military family instead of a wife now, it is an amazing life to grow up in as a kid. It can be tough moving around as a kid, it leads to a lot of schools. As you get older though you learn to love it. You make amazing friends (both as a wife and kid). It teaches adabtibility and independence. 

It is a tought lifestyle sometime but in my oppinion it is worth it. Though I admit I am al ittle biased. I have never known anything else. I grew up a military brat, joined after college myself, and then married a man in the military. If this is what your family wants to do, I would say go for it. 

love2readmom
by New Member on May. 5, 2014 at 12:09 AM

In the end that is up to you. You would not neccesarily have to move over seas if you didn't want to. As long as you are not living on base/post you and the kids could stay in the state. Though, if you made that choice you would then pretty much be playing single mom. That is something you would have to talk about with your fiance. 

Personally, I believe that going over seas can be one of the best experiences, especially for kids. Though it is not for all families. A lot of the times you can avoid going over seas as a duty station by requesting locations that not many people want to go.

I hope this helps.

Quoting Anonymous: The only reason I can really think of for not letting him join is if he gets shipped to Japan or something. I understand there will be deployments and I understand they will be tough and inevitable but when I hear about being a single mother of three children while living in Japan, then no I don't want to do that. As long as me and the kids can stay in America, I'm completely fine with it. I just don't wanna move to a foreign country with children and no family.
Quoting love2readmom:

Being a military family deffently has its difficulties but it is also an amazing way of live. Moving is something that can be tough if you are not use to it. How often your family moves will depend on your fiances job and some other variables. At the same time though, moving around can be so rewarding. You have the opportunity to meet some truelly amazing people and you do have the opportunity to see places you never thought you would. Proably the hardest part of being a military dependent is deployments. I have yet to deal with a deployment as a mother, though I am not look forword to it. Even without kids in the mix it can be hard not knowing exactly how your significant other is. It is just part of the lifestyle though. 

Speaking more as the daughter of a military family instead of a wife now, it is an amazing life to grow up in as a kid. It can be tough moving around as a kid, it leads to a lot of schools. As you get older though you learn to love it. You make amazing friends (both as a wife and kid). It teaches adabtibility and independence. 

It is a tought lifestyle sometime but in my oppinion it is worth it. Though I admit I am al ittle biased. I have never known anything else. I grew up a military brat, joined after college myself, and then married a man in the military. If this is what your family wants to do, I would say go for it. 


barrelracer1699
by Chel on May. 5, 2014 at 3:49 AM

If he has a child and you have a child and you are pregnant with another, he will most likely need a depenent waver to get in.

darbyakeep45
by Darby on May. 5, 2014 at 6:03 AM

Exactly.  I would contact a recruiter and see if it's even possible for him to get a waiver and join.  I wouldn't worry about anything else until this happens.

Quoting barrelracer1699:

If he has a child and you have a child and you are pregnant with another, he will most likely need a depenent waver to get in.


gunsgirl
by Silver Member on May. 5, 2014 at 7:54 AM
2 moms liked this

he has too many dependents ( even not married) and he would need a dependent waiver to join.

a few other things to consder before making the commitment to try to join;

does he have an issues with the law? Arrests, criminal charges that were dropped, DUI or anything else whether as a minor or as an adult?

what is his RE Code on his DD214?

does he have any medical conditons that he did not have when he was in before?

Questions to ask yourself

can I be independent for months at a time? may be a year or 2 alone with 2 kids?

can I handle everything alone? he will not be able to "just" come home if you or the kids get a little sick,

do I have any on going medical conditions that would require me to be enrolled ni the Exceptional Family program? do any of the kids have special medical needs that would require them to be enrolled in that program

am I willing to move often, sometimes without choice to any where in the world?

is there a custody agreement with your first childs BIO dad ( if not the same as your unborn baby's) that would prevent you from leaving the state or the country?

this should at least give you a starting point in deididing what is best for your family

 

 

sahmw2010
by Beth on May. 5, 2014 at 7:56 AM
It depends on the other bio parent, how good of a lawyer you have and the courts ruling if you can take the other kids with you. I got lucky and my ex is a duche and was no fight to get her to move with us. My friend was not able to bring her son and now only sees him during spring break an summer vacations. They go hone for holidays so she can spend them with him. With as many dependants you have, you will need a dependant waiver to join. Moving can be tough. You make friends for 2-3 years just for you to move and start over again. Some people get stuck at a post. As for going overseas, you can always deny and ask what they have here in the states, but it is a once in a lifetime experience to be able to live in another country for a couple of years. I loved Germany. And would give anything to go back. He will be gone often. Between feilds, schools, and deployments. So you have to be very independent. And be able to start fresh in a new place alone. My luck i have only been at a new place for a couple of months before i was saying good bye for another depliyment.
jas_momof2
by アニメの雌犬 on May. 5, 2014 at 8:13 AM
4 moms liked this

You can't make contingencies...  "I will not travel overseas!"  Why join?  You're already setting unreasonable limits and expectations.  I thought you wanted to travel?  Traveling OUTSIDE the US is one of the greatest things EVER!  And Japan???  I would do almost anything to go back to Japan!!!  4 years was NOT long enough!

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