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Military Families Military Families

I hate to ask this...

Posted by on May. 7, 2014 at 11:52 AM
  • 10 Replies

But I am not sure what to say to my friend. She is contemplating divorce (long story). She was wondering if she should file papers where she currently lives, or go back to her home state, about 17 hours away and file there? She has a child and is pregnant with their second, so obviously it could be a long process with child custody arrangements. They have a lot of things and she doesn't want to lose her stuff if she goes. They are also scheduled to PCS next April, and she doesn't want to have to move, but then travel back to the current state for more hearings. Anyone gone through, or know someone who has gone through this? Thanks in advance for the advice.

by on May. 7, 2014 at 11:52 AM
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Anonymous
by Anonymous on May. 7, 2014 at 12:42 PM

Well when I filed I had to do it in the state where I was living at the time, as you had to be a resident for at least 6 months. Same thing with child support and custody, the child had to be a resident for at least 6 month in that state to file. Perhaps other states do it differently, I really don't know.

SlapItHigh
by Gold Member on May. 7, 2014 at 1:01 PM

She needs to check with the requirements for each state.

UCFknight
by Bronze Member on May. 7, 2014 at 1:10 PM

Thank you, I let her know that.

Quoting Anonymous:

Well when I filed I had to do it in the state where I was living at the time, as you had to be a resident for at least 6 months. Same thing with child support and custody, the child had to be a resident for at least 6 month in that state to file. Perhaps other states do it differently, I really don't know.


darbyakeep45
by Darby on May. 8, 2014 at 4:57 AM
1 mom liked this

Yeah, each state is different.  Good luck to her!

anchorgurl
by Silver Member on May. 8, 2014 at 6:28 AM
1 mom liked this

 This.  If she is ultimately going to move back to her home state, it might be in her best interests to move and then file when she meets the requirements.  Also, if she has concerns about property, she should also check into community property status and see which state will be more favorable for this. 

Quoting SlapItHigh:

She needs to check with the requirements for each state.

 

UCFknight
by Bronze Member on May. 8, 2014 at 6:49 AM

Thank you all. She said it looks like her home state protects her more. She can wait the three months. But she made an appointment to meet with JAG next week just to be sure.

marinemami07
by Member on May. 8, 2014 at 7:57 AM
1 mom liked this
I've heard this so much over the years. Divorce runs high in military situations. Just stay out of her personal issues. I know she's your friend, but just support her. Staying out of it will be better for you both.
I tried helping a girl I knew & it just ruined our friendship fast. If your in a good marriage being around someone who isn't, it'll just be negative towards you. That was my experience. My husband was tired of hearing other peoples problems.
If she's moving home or whatever how much are you gonna talk to her then? Most the time the friendships you have now fade once you pcs. She'll be busy with getting a divorce. Just support her & keep it at that
UCFknight
by Bronze Member on May. 8, 2014 at 8:06 AM
1 mom liked this

Thanks for your insight. We already live states away. She came to me for help. I had no idea her marriage was struggling until she called and told me everything. I am supporting her. She just wants someone to talk to right now, and she chose me. So I am helping as best I can. Trust me, I would rather be oblivious, but she feels comfortable with me, so I will be here to answer her calls and be here when she needs me.

Quoting marinemami07: I've heard this so much over the years. Divorce runs high in military situations. Just stay out of her personal issues. I know she's your friend, but just support her. Staying out of it will be better for you both. I tried helping a girl I knew & it just ruined our friendship fast. If your in a good marriage being around someone who isn't, it'll just be negative towards you. That was my experience. My husband was tired of hearing other peoples problems. If she's moving home or whatever how much are you gonna talk to her then? Most the time the friendships you have now fade once you pcs. She'll be busy with getting a divorce. Just support her & keep it at that


marinemami07
by Member on May. 8, 2014 at 8:19 AM
1 mom liked this
That's nice. Just be a shoulder but try to stay neutral. I always seem to be the one who people talk to. I always ask my hubby "why does everyone tell me their personal stuff!" Lol
Venting is one thing but if that's all your friendship is then to me it's not a friendship. She's dumping her dirty wash on you.
I had a girl who did that to me a while ago. My hubby worked with her hubby & they both deployed at the same time. My hubby asked me to be a friend for her. So I tried. But it was constant negative Drove me nuts.
I guess they are good now & finally had a baby. They are in Japan now. But goodness it was hard to talk about anything with her. It was a Shame because she was a nice girl but her marriage issues were all we talked about.
UCFknight
by Bronze Member on May. 8, 2014 at 8:29 AM

I know how you feel. This last two years, I have had several friends come to me with their burdens, not just marital. I asked my husband the same thing, why do people keep coming to me?! With this friend she just wants all the facts before she does anything. I wish we lived closer, so I could hug her, but I am glad she is able to talk and vent with someone. Just stinks it's coming to this point in her life.  But I hope she gets all her answers with the legal office. The advice given here, at least gave her a starting point in research.

Quoting marinemami07: That's nice. Just be a shoulder but try to stay neutral. I always seem to be the one who people talk to. I always ask my hubby "why does everyone tell me their personal stuff!" Lol Venting is one thing but if that's all your friendship is then to me it's not a friendship. She's dumping her dirty wash on you. I had a girl who did that to me a while ago. My hubby worked with her hubby & they both deployed at the same time. My hubby asked me to be a friend for her. So I tried. But it was constant negative Drove me nuts. I guess they are good now & finally had a baby. They are in Japan now. But goodness it was hard to talk about anything with her. It was a Shame because she was a nice girl but her marriage issues were all we talked about.


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