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Military Families Military Families

Long dilemma need advice

Posted by on May. 10, 2014 at 6:03 PM
  • 15 Replies
I have a 7year old from a previous marriage. My now husband is army. My divorce papers have joint custody with my ex, no state line restrictions but says he has controlling custody for housing purposes (was air force now out). It has been 4 years since the last time my ex had any contact with my son. My dilemma is my now husband wants to re enlist when his time is up but most likely will be stationed overseas. Is there a way to get sole physical custody without him being able to drag it out in court? He doesn't want anything to do with our son but refuses anything I request.
by on May. 10, 2014 at 6:03 PM
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Replies (1-10):
chrlstoncharmed
by Melissa on May. 10, 2014 at 6:10 PM
You say your ex has not had contact with your son, but has he been paying child support? You can look up the laws in your state for what qualifies as child abandonment. It is possible that you could terminate his parental rights. Is your husband open to adopting your son? I think that is the only way some states will dissolve a parent's rights. But, it just depends on your state's family laws.
SusanD
by Silver Member on May. 10, 2014 at 8:31 PM
You can go modify your custody agreement, but he can contest it.

The other option would be terminating his rights...but he can contest that as well, and it really varies from state to state.
darbyakeep45
by Darby on May. 11, 2014 at 6:52 AM

No clue to be honest.  Good luck!

ReadWriteLuv
by Silver Member on May. 11, 2014 at 8:59 AM

When I was in x-ray school, one of my classmates was divorced and shared custody with a member of the Air Force. They had a bad divorce and a really testy relationship.

While we were in class one day, she excused herself to take a phone call. She came back in screaming in a panic and ran out the door. The school administrators at her children's elementary school called her to inform her that, without warning, her husband and his new wife had picked up the kids from school. She then learned that he had taken them immediately to the airport, and transferred to England for a two-year tour without any knowlege or consent from my classmate. And it was all perfectly legal. He was their father, he had their travel documents, there was nothing anyone could do for her. She went to visit her kids about 6 months later, but she effectively lost them for two years for no reason other than her ex was a massive asshole. 

So, long story short, as long as you have passports and whatnot for your kids, and are married to a military member on orders, and have joint custody, there is probably nothing anyone can do to stop you from taking them. 

SusanD
by Silver Member on May. 11, 2014 at 11:40 AM
That's actually incorrect. Unless the custody orders state that the parents do not need the others consent to travel abroad, then it is illegal to take them outside of the US. It's considered custodial interference. It may be difficult or impossible to force them back from another country, but it could absolutely jeopardize the parents custody and result in criminal charges. Many custody orders prohibit the parents from moving to another state. I've even known people who had custody orders that required them to stay within a certain number of miles of their residence at the time of the custody hearing unless otherwise modified. In most cases, unless you have a court order allowing it you can't even get passports or travel documents without permission of the other parent.

Most likely your classmates custody order was extremely lenient, but it's not the typical arrangement.


Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

When I was in x-ray school, one of my classmates was divorced and shared custody with a member of the Air Force. They had a bad divorce and a really testy relationship.

While we were in class one day, she excused herself to take a phone call. She came back in screaming in a panic and ran out the door. The school administrators at her children's elementary school called her to inform her that, without warning, her husband and his new wife had picked up the kids from school. She then learned that he had taken them immediately to the airport, and transferred to England for a two-year tour without any knowlege or consent from my classmate. And it was all perfectly legal. He was their father, he had their travel documents, there was nothing anyone could do for her. She went to visit her kids about 6 months later, but she effectively lost them for two years for no reason other than her ex was a massive asshole. 

So, long story short, as long as you have passports and whatnot for your kids, and are married to a military member on orders, and have joint custody, there is probably nothing anyone can do to stop you from taking them. 

mom2jessnky
by Dedi on May. 11, 2014 at 11:55 AM

He hasn't seen his kid in 4yrs? I'd say that right there would be enough to give you sole custody.

gunsgirl
by Silver Member on May. 11, 2014 at 1:12 PM

you will have to go to court to change the custody agreement or to sue for custody on the grounds of abandonment.

he can try to drag it out- but if he has no contact and is not paying support abandonment is pretty easy to prove

cocoroo
by Coco on May. 11, 2014 at 9:01 PM

How did they get official passports for the kids?  Both parents have to be present to get a minor a passport.

Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

When I was in x-ray school, one of my classmates was divorced and shared custody with a member of the Air Force. They had a bad divorce and a really testy relationship.

While we were in class one day, she excused herself to take a phone call. She came back in screaming in a panic and ran out the door. The school administrators at her children's elementary school called her to inform her that, without warning, her husband and his new wife had picked up the kids from school. She then learned that he had taken them immediately to the airport, and transferred to England for a two-year tour without any knowlege or consent from my classmate. And it was all perfectly legal. He was their father, he had their travel documents, there was nothing anyone could do for her. She went to visit her kids about 6 months later, but she effectively lost them for two years for no reason other than her ex was a massive asshole. 

So, long story short, as long as you have passports and whatnot for your kids, and are married to a military member on orders, and have joint custody, there is probably nothing anyone can do to stop you from taking them. 


ReadWriteLuv
by Silver Member on May. 11, 2014 at 10:05 PM
Actually that is a good question. Maybe they didn't need passports because they were traveling on orders. Do overseas orders list family members on them as well?

Either that or they took a military flight from Tinker directly to the base, I can't remember what that base in England is called.


Quoting cocoroo:

How did they get official passports for the kids?  Both parents have to be present to get a minor a passport.

Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

When I was in x-ray school, one of my classmates was divorced and shared custody with a member of the Air Force. They had a bad divorce and a really testy relationship.

While we were in class one day, she excused herself to take a phone call. She came back in screaming in a panic and ran out the door. The school administrators at her children's elementary school called her to inform her that, without warning, her husband and his new wife had picked up the kids from school. She then learned that he had taken them immediately to the airport, and transferred to England for a two-year tour without any knowlege or consent from my classmate. And it was all perfectly legal. He was their father, he had their travel documents, there was nothing anyone could do for her. She went to visit her kids about 6 months later, but she effectively lost them for two years for no reason other than her ex was a massive asshole. 

So, long story short, as long as you have passports and whatnot for your kids, and are married to a military member on orders, and have joint custody, there is probably nothing anyone can do to stop you from taking them. 

Elle.tea.22
by Bronze Member on May. 11, 2014 at 10:12 PM
A service member maybe but I have seen it happen, a dependent who takes her kids with her when her husband transfers having to bring them back. 6 times and counting. It's a no go. Do the right thing. You wouldn't want this done to you don't take kids away from their father. Dead beat or not, if that's what y'all have in writing, that's all there is to it. Go back to court and try something else but you knew what your agreement was before you married this guy.

Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

When I was in x-ray school, one of my classmates was divorced and shared custody with a member of the Air Force. They had a bad divorce and a really testy relationship.

While we were in class one day, she excused herself to take a phone call. She came back in screaming in a panic and ran out the door. The school administrators at her children's elementary school called her to inform her that, without warning, her husband and his new wife had picked up the kids from school. She then learned that he had taken them immediately to the airport, and transferred to England for a two-year tour without any knowlege or consent from my classmate. And it was all perfectly legal. He was their father, he had their travel documents, there was nothing anyone could do for her. She went to visit her kids about 6 months later, but she effectively lost them for two years for no reason other than her ex was a massive asshole. 

So, long story short, as long as you have passports and whatnot for your kids, and are married to a military member on orders, and have joint custody, there is probably nothing anyone can do to stop you from taking them. 

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