Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Military Families Military Families

What do you think of this? Article

Posted by on May. 30, 2014 at 12:32 PM
  • 14 Replies

http://moms.popsugar.com/Should-You-Teach-Kids-Share-27333250

It's called "Why I don't make my son share."


I have my opinion, I'll post it later. ;)


by on May. 30, 2014 at 12:32 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
adoptivemomof1
by Mel on May. 30, 2014 at 1:33 PM
1 mom liked this
I disagree with much of this article. While I do not expect my child to share her lovey - sharing and taking turns are expected just as waiting in line is not negotiable- she waits or goes home. At a community playground why should one kid get to be the only one who slides or swings? Sharing promotes respecting other people's feelings and rights vs. a sense of entitlement. That being said there needs to be a balance so that things are fair- one kid should not have to give up their turn or toy because another whines and does not want to wait for their turn. But holding toys and swings for a kid at a preschool seems ridiculous...
JMmama
by Kara on May. 30, 2014 at 2:04 PM
2 moms liked this
There should be a balance. I have 5 kids so sharing is a must. I'm not buying everyone their own mr potato head or their own soccer ball. However, I do think it important for kids to be able to have some things that are their own that they have control and ownership over. Those things I don't expect them to have to share. I don't think the boy in the article should have been expected to share his car that he brought to the playground with a stranger child if he didn't want to. However, I also think it is ridiculous for one child to monopolize a car at a play group for an hour and a half or to save a toy or swing in the preschool room.
mom2jessnky
by Dedi on May. 30, 2014 at 2:05 PM
2 moms liked this

My opinion is that sharing is a middle of the road thing, you go too far too either side you're doing it wrong.

No kids should not be allowed to monopolize something just because they got it first, nor should they get something right now just because they want it. Especially in shared areas like parks, school, etc.

In the example where the kid at the park snatched the car, the snatcher is wrong. You don't get to take something just because you want it, and that kid shouldn't have to give it to you just because you're a bully about it. In my house that shit would not have flown "No sorry he's playing with it and if you want a turn you need to ask nicely." Although as a general rule we don't take our toys to the park (mainly so they don't get lost). 

In the other part where the author says that at a baby gym deal her kid used his favorite red car for the FULL hour and a half, and ignored adults asking if their kid could have a turn, the author's kid was WAY in the wrong. If she wants her kid to use the car for a full 90 minutes without sharing, she needs to buy him his own, and use it at home. What happens if she has another kid and her precious little snowflake doesn't feel like sharing? Enjoy that disaster lady.

In my house no you don't have to share everything, I get that some things are special, but if friends are over those things are not out. You don't have to share it, but you're not going to rub it in their face either. You will take turns, you will be kind, that goes for all kids in my house. Kids start fighting over a toy, it's my toy now. My kids have learned to really play well as a result of that, they aren't doormats, and they aren't entitled either. Most (90%) of my kids toys are shared things, they belong to both of them.


Some of the examples she gave that show adults not sharing were absurd. Me not handing over my cell phone, sunglasses, or car keys to a stranger isn't about sharing at all, some things aren't for sharing. Sharing isn't an all or nothing. By her logic I should share my medication with people... 

Areas where adults do have to share are the roads, parking lots, grocery store aisles, items in the grocery store. And you can tell some adults were raised thinking they owned the universe and fuck everyone else, but most people aren't pricks and share common areas just fine.

Her kid is going to be a douchebag as an adult from the way that article was written. She doesn't want him to be a doormat so instead he'll just trample anyone in his way... great...

mom2jessnky
by Dedi on May. 30, 2014 at 2:10 PM

Yeah I'm 90% sure the author's kid is an only child, she probably is too. Not sharing was so not an option when I was a kid, I have 4 siblings, and while I only have 2 kids, they do a whole lot of sharing.

Although I do know a mom of 4 that doesn't expect any of her 4 kids to share anything EVER. A few years ago she bought an Xbox 360 for one kid, and a PS3 for the other, I asked why not just buy one and put it in the living room for the family to use, she was horrified... she seriously acted like I told her to go slit their throats. I could write a novel on her crazy though...

Quoting JMmama: There should be a balance. I have 5 kids so sharing is a must. I'm not buying everyone their own mr potato head or their own soccer ball. However, I do think it important for kids to be able to have some things that are their own that they have control and ownership over. Those things I don't expect them to have to share. I don't think the boy in the article should have been expected to share his car that he brought to the playground with a stranger child if he didn't want to. However, I also think it is ridiculous for one child to monopolize a car at a play group for an hour and a half or to save a toy or swing in the preschool room.


JMmama
by Kara on May. 30, 2014 at 2:15 PM
Bingo.

Quoting mom2jessnky:

My opinion is that sharing is a middle of the road thing, you go too far too either side you're doing it wrong.

No kids should not be allowed to monopolize something just because they got it first, nor should they get something right now just because they want it. Especially in shared areas like parks, school, etc.

In the example where the kid at the park snatched the car, the snatcher is wrong. You don't get to take something just because you want it, and that kid shouldn't have to give it to you just because you're a bully about it. In my house that shit would not have flown "No sorry he's playing with it and if you want a turn you need to ask nicely." Although as a general rule we don't take our toys to the park (mainly so they don't get lost). 

In the other part where the author says that at a baby gym deal her kid used his favorite red car for the FULL hour and a half, and ignored adults asking if their kid could have a turn, the author's kid was WAY in the wrong. If she wants her kid to use the car for a full 90 minutes without sharing, she needs to buy him his own, and use it at home. What happens if she has another kid and her precious little snowflake doesn't feel like sharing? Enjoy that disaster lady.

In my house no you don't have to share everything, I get that some things are special, but if friends are over those things are not out. You don't have to share it, but you're not going to rub it in their face either. You will take turns, you will be kind, that goes for all kids in my house. Kids start fighting over a toy, it's my toy now. My kids have learned to really play well as a result of that, they aren't doormats, and they aren't entitled either. Most (90%) of my kids toys are shared things, they belong to both of them.

Some of the examples she gave that show adults not sharing were absurd. Me not handing over my cell phone, sunglasses, or car keys to a stranger isn't about sharing at all, some things aren't for sharing. Sharing isn't an all or nothing. By her logic I should share my medication with people... 

Areas where adults do have to share are the roads, parking lots, grocery store aisles, items in the grocery store. And you can tell some adults were raised thinking they owned the universe and fuck everyone else, but most people aren't pricks and share common areas just fine.

Her kid is going to be a douchebag as an adult from the way that article was written. She doesn't want him to be a doormat so instead he'll just trample anyone in his way... great...

JMmama
by Kara on May. 30, 2014 at 2:18 PM
That is absurd. We are currently going through some growing pains sharing the computer, which is in a common area. No way in hell am I just buying one for everyone.


Quoting mom2jessnky:

Yeah I'm 90% sure the author's kid is an only child, she probably is too. Not sharing was so not an option when I was a kid, I have 4 siblings, and while I only have 2 kids, they do a whole lot of sharing.

Although I do know a mom of 4 that doesn't expect any of her 4 kids to share anything EVER. A few years ago she bought an Xbox 360 for one kid, and a PS3 for the other, I asked why not just buy one and put it in the living room for the family to use, she was horrified... she seriously acted like I told her to go slit their throats. I could write a novel on her crazy though...

Quoting JMmama: There should be a balance. I have 5 kids so sharing is a must. I'm not buying everyone their own mr potato head or their own soccer ball. However, I do think it important for kids to be able to have some things that are their own that they have control and ownership over. Those things I don't expect them to have to share. I don't think the boy in the article should have been expected to share his car that he brought to the playground with a stranger child if he didn't want to. However, I also think it is ridiculous for one child to monopolize a car at a play group for an hour and a half or to save a toy or swing in the preschool room.

usmclife58
by Nikki on May. 30, 2014 at 3:52 PM

Our rule is that if you don't want to share, then no one has to share with you. So far it has worked out well. The girls both have things they do not share and it is respected by both parties. The rest is "community property" and they share. There is no "I got this for my birthday" or "that's mine". We do have the "I had it first" arguments, but they *usually* set their own time limits and I don't have to get involved.

sbranom
by Bronze Member on May. 30, 2014 at 4:32 PM

I have a 1 and 2 year old, so learning to share is a big thing. Right now all toys have to be shared, but if one kid has it first, then the other needs to wait his turn. But, if one is taking it so the other can't have it, the toy is taken away and given to the other child. 


I hate to see how her kid turns out. Yes, I agree with her first scenario, but would have made a snotty comment to her in the second scenario. 

sbranom
by Bronze Member on May. 30, 2014 at 4:35 PM

With 2 boys close in age, there won't be two of everything. I would go broke. 

Quoting JMmama: That is absurd. We are currently going through some growing pains sharing the computer, which is in a common area. No way in hell am I just buying one for everyone.
Quoting mom2jessnky:

Yeah I'm 90% sure the author's kid is an only child, she probably is too. Not sharing was so not an option when I was a kid, I have 4 siblings, and while I only have 2 kids, they do a whole lot of sharing.

Although I do know a mom of 4 that doesn't expect any of her 4 kids to share anything EVER. A few years ago she bought an Xbox 360 for one kid, and a PS3 for the other, I asked why not just buy one and put it in the living room for the family to use, she was horrified... she seriously acted like I told her to go slit their throats. I could write a novel on her crazy though...

Quoting JMmama: There should be a balance. I have 5 kids so sharing is a must. I'm not buying everyone their own mr potato head or their own soccer ball. However, I do think it important for kids to be able to have some things that are their own that they have control and ownership over. Those things I don't expect them to have to share. I don't think the boy in the article should have been expected to share his car that he brought to the playground with a stranger child if he didn't want to. However, I also think it is ridiculous for one child to monopolize a car at a play group for an hour and a half or to save a toy or swing in the preschool room.


darbyakeep45
by Darby on May. 30, 2014 at 7:36 PM

Yeah, I don't make my son share much as there's no reason to...yet.  He's an only child and not around other children in an environment where he needs to learn to share very often.  Now, we are working on this and when he's in school or therapy with other kids, and they work on sharing, back and forth play with toys, and things along those lines.  He's just been able to sit next to a child and parallel play recently.  He's making great progress though:)

If we are at a park or a public place and my son has a toy in his hand (which 99% of the time he does), I don't make him share with anyone.  Now, he tends to set the toy or object down from time to time as he likes to look at it from different angles, and sometimes other children might pick up the toy and hand it back to him to be sweet which I like.  Other times a child might pick up the toy thinking Brady is trying to share with them, even though that's not the case.  I typically explain that toy is Brady's special toy for that day and he doesn't wish to share it.  That's all.  It's usually an older child who understands and most of them think Brady's a baby and kids are usually sweet to him.  

Now if we are at a public gym or something like one mom shared in that article, children should share the toys in the area.  If my son was playing on one specific car, I would make him switch to another one after x amount of time.  That's just being considerate of other kids.  

So, in general, I don't make my son share his "personal stuff" like his one toy he carries with him during the day nor do I make him share his chewy tube, blanket or pacifier.  Otherwise, if we have kids over to play or something (rare but happens), he shares all his toys and he's usually pretty good about it.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN