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he is drowning us!!

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 105 Replies

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Dh and I have been having big issues this month. 98% of it revolves around a game he has been playing. Since July 1st he has spent $1600 on it. Tonight we got into a huge fight because I just found out about $1k of that. A friend suggested going to his coc. Normally that is not something I'd even consider doing, and I'm guessing this isn't something they'd step in on at all. Idk where to go from this point OE what to do about any of it.
Other than leaving.... Are there other options and such? :/


I DID NOT say I would go to his coc, boss, whatever. But I was asking who else I can discuss this with for advice on the situation, for example (as someone suggested) talking to finance.






I can't cancel a credit card I am not on just as I can not report it lost, you cant block purchases on a prepaid phone, his wallet and phone were glued to his side last week even while he slept (but with a phone lock and card info saved neither would do me good.) He did turn the credit card over Thursday but it did nothing since it was all saved. There are no finances to separate. His parents talked to him last week but it didn't help, I tried talking to him on and off Thursday Friday and Saturday. Saturday night. Something I said made him realize I really was laying out plans to leave him the cards were deleted and the last purchase he made on the game was 6 pm Saturday. Hes on his own to figure out how to replace the money and how to get to and from work, he only has 1 debit card left for his gas, and the rest along with credit card are locked up hidden from him after he handed those over as well.
Yes he was able/allowed to spend some money on himself before but no where near the amount he ended up dumping into this game. Especially when at this point its added up to more than a months worth of bills. We discussed finances Sunday night. We've also discussed everything else basically. I never said I was going to talk to someone above him and cause issues at work for him, but I did want to see what options there were as far as who I COULD talk to for advice on handling the situation. Thankfully it hasn't come to that, if it starts back up I'll be talking to someone.
Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 16, 2014 at 6:30 PM
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Replies (1-10):
SusanD
by Silver Member on Jul. 16, 2014 at 6:46 PM
4 moms liked this

 Well I certainly wouldn't go to my husband's boss because he and I can't get along. I think that going to the CoC should be reserved for extreme circumstances (ex. you fear he may hurt himself if he doesn't get help, etc).

As far as what you should do, maybe sit down and go through your finances together. If he doesn't get it when you speak about it, maybe showing him figures in black and white might make him get it. If not, then you have to figure out if this is something that you can live with. If its not, let him know and if he doesn't change then obviously he is making his choice.

mrsary
by Bronze Member on Jul. 16, 2014 at 6:55 PM
Thats something yall have to work through. Dont get CoC involved in petty stuff, cause if big stuff happens they won't take it seriously.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jul. 16, 2014 at 6:55 PM
We have discussed finances. Just recently. And we were in agreement on everything. July 4th I found out hed spent a couple hundred on the game. Discussed it he claimed. It was all accidents. I told him to delete card info and password protect it all so it wouldn't happen again. Then another $100. Last week it was another $200. Now I check the credit card today and there's $1k spent on the game. With us already being tight on money we don't have $1600 to throw out the window... He won't even talk about it now, when I told him he had to give over the cc he flipped out on me and just kept saying no. If he keeps up we won't be able to pay any of our bills.
I'm not one to go to coc for anything, I never have but was hoping there was someone else to talk to.... Tbh, at this point I believe this is an addiction.

Quoting SusanD:

 Well I certainly wouldn't go to my husband's boss because he and I can't get along. I think that going to the CoC should be reserved for extreme circumstances (ex. you fear he may hurt himself if he doesn't get help, etc).


As far as what you should do, maybe sit down and go through your finances together. If he doesn't get it when you speak about it, maybe showing him figures in black and white might make him get it. If not, then you have to figure out if this is something that you can live with. If its not, let him know and if he doesn't change then obviously he is making his choice.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jul. 16, 2014 at 6:57 PM
I'm looking for other options.
And when we won't have money in a week for gas or bills or anything idt its petty :/ but I still didn't want to go to them but need someone to talk to since dh refuses to talk to me at all and blew up at me completely earlier

Quoting mrsary: Thats something yall have to work through. Dont get CoC involved in petty stuff, cause if big stuff happens they won't take it seriously.
Molimomma
by Bronze Member on Jul. 16, 2014 at 7:03 PM

You could try counseling with the chaplain. They are usually very helpful in marriage counseling. Otherwise, if you truly believe he's addicted you'd have to get him to go to counseling for that which is unlikely if HE doesn't believe it's a problem.

SusanD
by Silver Member on Jul. 16, 2014 at 7:04 PM

Have you told him that you think he has an addiction? If so, how did he respond to that?

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jul. 16, 2014 at 7:05 PM
Would we both have to go? I've been asking him to go and he always says they won't let him leave work for that :/
He doesn't see the issue. Last time after he'd spent $200 in one shot we talked he said he was kicking himself for doing it and all this other crap... But obviously not if he spent $1k on it

Quoting Molimomma:

You could try counseling with the chaplain. They are usually very helpful in marriage counseling. Otherwise, if you truly believe he's addicted you'd have to get him to go to counseling for that which is unlikely if HE doesn't believe it's a problem.

mrsary
by Bronze Member on Jul. 16, 2014 at 7:05 PM
3 moms liked this
There is financial counseling through ACS (if army). ACS offers alot of guidance in those situations. Find out where it is on your post and check it out.

Quoting Anonymous: I'm looking for other options.
And when we won't have money in a week for gas or bills or anything idt its petty :/ but I still didn't want to go to them but need someone to talk to since dh refuses to talk to me at all and blew up at me completely earlier

Quoting mrsary: Thats something yall have to work through. Dont get CoC involved in petty stuff, cause if big stuff happens they won't take it seriously.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jul. 16, 2014 at 7:06 PM
He completely ignored me and kept pretending I wasn't even in the room trying to talk to him.

Quoting SusanD:

Have you told him that you think he has an addiction? If so, how did he respond to that?

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jul. 16, 2014 at 7:08 PM
1 mom liked this
Thanks... Never heard of them, I'll have to look it up and go from there. My in laws are here the rest of the week so I'll have someone to watch the kidsif I have to drive up there

Quoting mrsary: There is financial counseling through ACS (if army). ACS offers alot of guidance in those situations. Find out where it is on your post and check it out.

Quoting Anonymous: I'm looking for other options.
And when we won't have money in a week for gas or bills or anything idt its petty :/ but I still didn't want to go to them but need someone to talk to since dh refuses to talk to me at all and blew up at me completely earlier

Quoting mrsary: Thats something yall have to work through. Dont get CoC involved in petty stuff, cause if big stuff happens they won't take it seriously.
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