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Military Families Military Families

just want to vent a little

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 11 Replies

hi ladies me and my husband have been married for 3 year on the 17Th of Aug for the last couple of months we have be getting in the argument over money.we are here at camp pendleton and the cost of living is crazy and really bad when can find a job I've been looking for a job but i 3 problems first one is that we stay on base and my oldest goes to Stuart mesa school but for some reason the kindergartenprogram is only half a day so i have to figure out what to do with her the time she is not in school.second thing is if i could get a job interview and i have had 2 interview since I've be here but I'm looking for a job were i can have weekends off cause of child care my husband is getting ready for a deployment so he is gone a lot for training so he is no help for watching the kids on the weekend.third even if i could find a job don'tknow if it will be worth me taking it only because i know how my husband is who talk to at work how many guys you work why you have to talk to him and its not him trying to see how my day went is him think a I'm going to cheat on him and i never gave him a reason to think i would before when i did work is was crazy i worked at a nursing home with a lot of old man same could be my great great grandfather and her acted the same like im going to do something with a men who cant wipe his ass of feed himself but i do love a lot of them as a grandfather. don't know I'm just tired of the arguments over money or not having everything that my kids need or not been able to do thing with my kids but before we got together me and my child (oldest one is not his) was doing really good would think with been married things would be better and not just because he in the military.i was wanted to vent be nice with your comment or don't comment at all

Posted by Anonymous on Aug. 6, 2014 at 11:57 AM
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Replies (1-10):
barrelracer1699
by Chel on Aug. 6, 2014 at 12:05 PM
5 moms liked this

confused

RKL10
by Member on Aug. 6, 2014 at 12:12 PM
1 mom liked this
I am in San Diego! I am also married for three years. Maybe the guys at work are being unfaithful and or putting thoughts into his head that your being unfaithful. In the military there is a lot of that when my husband was deployed he was sickened at how many men and women had huge families back home but were not being faithful and not thinking it was a big deal. Maybe you guys should have a talk and just explain to him that you don't want to have this between you two because you can see this affecting your relationship in a bad way. Maybe have him explain things you do that upset him or make him feel like your cheating on him and then you can explain yourself.

As for the cost of living out here yes it's ridiculous haha. Can you guys live off base? That's what my husband and I did we found a place cheaper then on base living so we could save up the bah instead of using it all. I am not sure how much apartments are in Oceanside or the towns around it.

Hopefully any of this helps feel free to message me if you want!
chrlstoncharmed
by Melissa on Aug. 6, 2014 at 12:23 PM
1 mom liked this

Can someone translate for me??

DvlDogWfe
by Stella on Aug. 6, 2014 at 1:36 PM
Ummmm.....
anchorgurl
by Silver Member on Aug. 6, 2014 at 1:55 PM

 sad;fjoiaw9e8yr adsf;kj ask h 032874sad;lfkj a;js dfas;dlkfj 878y6asdknf

^^It probably makes as much sense as what I just read.

 

Quoting chrlstoncharmed:

Can someone translate for me??

 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Aug. 6, 2014 at 2:23 PM

Look into childcare in your home. That's all I got. *shrug*

Wth is up with your husband?? I can't stand an insecure man. You need to handle that....Or is it all about control with him?

24clark
by Member on Aug. 6, 2014 at 2:28 PM

This was a difficult read, but I think I do understand what you are trying to say. 

First, you two need some skills that it doesn't sound like you have. For starters, your communication skills, trust and being a team needs work. You have many marriage enrichment programs available to you, use them. This will help you to establish how to work together in a marriage and what each of your roles will be. If you don't know how to find those programs, check with your Chaplain.

Secondly, sit down and work out a budget along with your financial goals and a time line. This will put on paper what money you have coming in and what is going out. It will help you determine if you NEED a job or not. 

As for the trust issue...that sounds like more of an issue of you getting married too soon. What I mean is, when you marry someone, you should be able to trust them. How are you going to face these issues or the MANY other harder issues that will be thrown at you two during your marriage? Life is tough and if you and he do not work together, you will be headed for divorce. You may need a therapist for this. You might be able to work it out in the marriage enrichment programs offered, but it would depend on which ones are available and if there is a group you can attend together on a weekly basis. Also will depend on each of you and the willingness to step up and work at your choice to get married. This isn't an issue that will be easily resolved because it involves learning new skills, practicing them and changing the way you see each other, think and communicate. It takes a lot of commitment to accomplish this. But then again, that is what marriage is all about, a choice to be committed to each other in order to receive the benefits of being happily married and having a partner in life.

Best of luck to you both.

cjsix
by Bronze Member on Aug. 6, 2014 at 2:31 PM

Sounds like english is not her first language mommas.

The cost of living is high where they are at.

She is wanting to find a job but,childcare is a problem -

   child in half day kindergarden

   Hubby doing pre-deployment training so not able to help alot with the kids.

    Hubby's also the jealous type who thinks if she talks to someone it means more than just,she talked to someone.



Op,the in home childcare may be a good option.

libbybell
by Member on Aug. 6, 2014 at 3:32 PM
I do after school child care in my home on base. It is only 2 hours a day Mon-Fri. I watch 3 kids. I make enough to pay for groceries and a small bill. Husband loves that I do this. It helps other couples out and I have met some sweet people. As far as the trust issues. You guys are going to have to work on that.
Moorefam1
by Member on Aug. 6, 2014 at 3:49 PM
My husband is on recruiting duty so we are just in a town with no base in nj and the cost of living is outrageous. We pay $1400 for a 2 bedroom apartment not to mention all the house bills that go with it. Try your hardest not to argue about money. It won't change no matter how much you argue. What's there is what's there. Make a budget and stick to it. You can stay home and make it work (assuming you don't have crazy amounts of debt) try living off base and making some extra money in BAH
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