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Question for the veterans (of ANY branch) and the spouses of those who have deployed or been on hardships tours

Posted by on Aug. 20, 2014 at 7:56 AM
  • 10 Replies
The locations don't matter: Qatar, Kuwait, Iraq, Afghanistan, Egypt, etc. so long as you or your spouse have spent a year, 9 months Or whatever away from home, answer me this cause I'm seriously curious.

Have you or your spouse ever came home and felt like being away was easier?
by on Aug. 20, 2014 at 7:56 AM
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Replies (1-10):
gunsgirl
by Silver Member on Aug. 20, 2014 at 8:41 AM

yes, I believe it is a common issue- the life of a deployment is hard but yet easy at the same time.

At home they have so many more responsiblities, they not only have to care for themselves, they have to now help around the house, help take care of kids, help with bills and finances, have to entertain friends and family.

DH worried that he would do or say something to make me mad, or that would be inappropriate.

He came home with PTSD- he did not like crowds, loud noises, or constant noise. So it was very hard on him at first being.

he adjusted well and is back to normal, but it took a very long time for him to adjust to " normal life"

3xangel
by Member on Aug. 20, 2014 at 10:00 AM
1 mom liked this
Both of us have felt that way before.

Yes, a deployment is long & uncomfortable, but my dh didn't have any responsibility outside of his job. He could sleep all day after a shift or burn time playing ps3 or hit the gym for hours at a time. He didn't have to worry about coming home and doing the husband/father duties.

It's easier for me when he's deployed because I don't have to run anything by him or adjust my schedule because he has something work related to do that came up out of the blue.
Mommy2Bri425
by Bronze Member on Aug. 20, 2014 at 10:27 AM

 LOL, awesome. Now I don't feel bad for feeling thenwaynthat I do. I am excited about going home and getting my daughter back but when I rhink about everything I'm kind of like 'ehhh,maybe one more month and then I'll go home'. As if I have an option. I think it's kind of a tad bit harder because I don't have a spouse but now DD is 5 and in school so she can help around the house more. Fix the table, help me cook, clean up, etc. I miss my daughtr something terrible but sometimes I really don't want to go back to the everyday responsibility of being a single soldier/parent. But like I said, I am beyond excited about having my little one home with me. I miss that child so much.   

gunsgirl
by Silver Member on Aug. 20, 2014 at 10:49 AM

 your feelings are justified! just a little bit of advice. take it slow when you get home. take time to get to  know your DD ( but still be her parent) take time for yourself, get your nails done, go to lunch, have just "me" time. If you find your having trouble adjusting please GET HELP! find someone you can talk to and help you work thru the adjustments. Don't be "too Proud" to ask and seek help, don't minimize your feelings to justify not getting help! you are a woman and mom first, take care of yourself that way.

I personally thank you for the great service you have provided for our country.

Quoting Mommy2Bri425:

 LOL, awesome. Now I don't feel bad for feeling thenwaynthat I do. I am excited about going home and getting my daughter back but when I rhink about everything I'm kind of like 'ehhh,maybe one more month and then I'll go home'. As if I have an option. I think it's kind of a tad bit harder because I don't have a spouse but now DD is 5 and in school so she can help around the house more. Fix the table, help me cook, clean up, etc. I miss my daughtr something terrible but sometimes I really don't want to go back to the everyday responsibility of being a single soldier/parent. But like I said, I am beyond excited about having my little one home with me. I miss that child so much.   

 

Mommy2Bri425
by Bronze Member on Aug. 21, 2014 at 2:01 AM
Thank you and I really appreciate it. I will have a little over a week to do little things for me and to get my daughter ready to come back. I also saw online that they have can up to 5 excuses absences if the parent was deployed. 2 days after I get her, it's just gonna be me & her. That'll make the reunion a little better, I think.

Quoting gunsgirl:

 your feelings are justified! just a little bit of advice. take it slow when you get home. take time to get to  know your DD ( but still be her parent) take time for yourself, get your nails done, go to lunch, have just "me" time. If you find your having trouble adjusting please GET HELP! find someone you can talk to and help you work thru the adjustments. Don't be "too Proud" to ask and seek help, don't minimize your feelings to justify not getting help! you are a woman and mom first, take care of yourself that way.


I personally thank you for the great service you have provided for our country.


Quoting Mommy2Bri425:



 LOL, awesome. Now I don't feel bad for feeling thenwaynthat I do. I am excited about going home and getting my daughter back but when I rhink about everything I'm kind of like 'ehhh,maybe one more month and then I'll go home'. As if I have an option. I think it's kind of a tad bit harder because I don't have a spouse but now DD is 5 and in school so she can help around the house more. Fix the table, help me cook, clean up, etc. I miss my daughtr something terrible but sometimes I really don't want to go back to the everyday responsibility of being a single soldier/parent. But like I said, I am beyond excited about having my little one home with me. I miss that child so much.   


 

Mrs_Scott14
by Member on Aug. 21, 2014 at 5:24 PM

Yes. This is actually something I'm worried about myself. This is our first deployment together and I'm honestly coolbeans right now. I'm happy he'll be home soon but it's like when he comes home, sometimes I feel like he gone be in my space and I'll get annoyed with him. That sucks to say but I'm sure we will all find a way around it. Adapt and overcome...that's what he alway says.

Mrs_Scott

1Choctaw
by Member on Aug. 22, 2014 at 2:49 PM
2 moms liked this

So much easier to be deployed or the one to be home! It's strange to explain to civilians. When my husband deployed the kids and I were not on such a schedule to do things around his work schedule. And when I am gone it's just easy......miss everyone but IDK.

anchorgurl
by Silver Member on Aug. 24, 2014 at 8:17 PM
1 mom liked this

 No, I get it.  When he is gone I think life is easier in a lot of ways.  I don't have to think about what we're going to do for dinner--I can eat a protein bar.  I can stop at the mall because he's not going to be home.  I can leave shoes all over the bedroom floor.  Or shower for half an hour without someone bugging me.  I can be completely selfish and responsible only for me.

That's not to say that I don't miss him, because I do...it seems like I start getting into the "living single" groove and then he's back and it is an adjustment for both of us.

Welcome back :) 

 

buterflyz
by Member on Aug. 25, 2014 at 12:06 PM

Of course. Reintegration is hard, a year, or even 9 months is a long time. We grow and change over time and when we have to take on the spouse's role on a daily basis for an extended period it can be hard to readjust to handling just the one role.

Especially me, I get this whole I CAN DO IT MYSELF! thing going on. To survive? Communication and being willing to do, not necessarily be, less.

mrsary
by Bronze Member on Aug. 25, 2014 at 12:10 PM
1 mom liked this
Yes! Ive been on both sides and being the parent at home is MUCH harder than being deployed!!
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