Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Worried my daughter is making a huge mistake

Posted by on Oct. 15, 2014 at 12:48 PM
  • 45 Replies

Hello.  My 18 year old daughter is engaged to be married in December. My concerns other than her not really knowing this guy are:

He's an E3 Navy Seabee stationed at Tinker AFB.  He's only been enlisted for 1 year and he told us that he will never be deployed overseas, no worry about being transferred to another base so "he's going to kick back and take it easy for 4 more years"  

He said he will take a test to become a petty officer in November and will receive a raise afterwards.  No worries about money, he will make enough to provide for them and the military will pay for her to go to school plus he gets another raise after they are married. 

He's promised her an easy life once she moves to Oklahoma, a new car, new computer, and a cruise next year. I'm just not believing any of this and she believes everything he says.  

Not only this, but he's the most disrespectful person I've ever come across.  I just know she's making a huge mistake :(

Is what he's saying true?

Thank you so much

by on Oct. 15, 2014 at 12:48 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
by アニメの雌犬 on Oct. 15, 2014 at 12:59 PM
3 moms liked this

Part of it...  I don't know what he does for the Navy, but almost everyone can deploy or be transferred. 

If he makes rank, he'll get more money, true.  The military will not pay for her to go to school.  She can get a scholarship ($4000) through MyCAA with his rank.  If he's talking about transferring his GI bill to her so she can go to school, he hasn't been in long enough to meet the criteria...

And his pay will increase once they are married.

by on Oct. 15, 2014 at 1:04 PM

He's an equipment operator.

by Bronze Member on Oct. 15, 2014 at 1:07 PM
1 mom liked this

Navy tests in September and March, so testing in November, is total BS. He is a seabee, but if he is tinker, it sounds like he is on shore duty. My husband is a seabee and the battalions that deploy are based out of VA, MS, and cali. So he is probably telling the truth about that part. But he is definitely fluffing up the testing part...that already happened last month. He has to wait till at least March for the next testing cycle.

by Silver Member on Oct. 15, 2014 at 4:21 PM

The pay chart is on the internet for anyone to read, so go check it out. I say that so no one is blind sided by all of the cash he's  (not) rolling in. Families make it on an E-3 salary all of the time.... BUT they way they make it on that pay is by budgeting. New car? New computer? Cruises? Sure, again, if they budget. But to be honest with you, I've not seen many young married couples with the discipline to stick to a budget. What I have seen are  many of them in debt up to their eyeballs because they didn't budget. They will have to make life choices do we a) buy a new car or b) live in a nice apartment. More than likely, they can't have both, I am by no means saying that it can be done with strict financial discipline....

As for the other parts, All service members are at risk for deployment, its the nature of the beast, you shoot, move and communicate before any other specialty. So aside from a very few yes he can deploy and PCS. Education, other posters have covered that. As for the "pay raise" when they marry yes, sort of. He will receive dependant BAH its slightly higher than single BAH. again you can look this up for their location and see the difference.... NOW, if they live on post, this "raise" is moot. He won't get it.

I think he's a preening peacock, and your daughter needs to get her head out of the sand. Before they marry I would make her make out a budget so she can see just how well off she's going to be....

by on Oct. 15, 2014 at 4:34 PM
1 mom liked this

I agree with everything Melly said above. This info is available online for anyone to see.

An E3 makes $1805 a MONTH

And at Tinker AFB his BAH with Dependents (the whopping raise he speaks of when they marry) is $990/ month. It's $762/month without dependents.

In addition when they marry he'll receive BAS which is about $350/month to cover HIS food since he will no longer be eating in the chow hall.

So before taxes he will make a whopping $3100 a month. Can they live on that? Absolutely if they budget correctly. I don't think your DD and boyfriend realize what being an adult entails just yet.

It's more than yay we're married! There's rent, utilities, car payment, car insurance, gas, food, other bills (cable, internet, phone). You need furniture for that apartment, that car needs maintenance. I wish her the best, but she may well fall flat on her face.

by on Oct. 15, 2014 at 5:54 PM
1 mom liked this

I married my husband 2 and 1/2 months after we met. I was an E1 he was an E3. It was tough and we both made pretty wise choices with our money. We lived off base and so we had rent and there was NO new cars or cruises. We didn't have a honeymoon and the car we had we shared.  I would not recommend her uprooting her life. It can be done but it will be hard. But I think he is selling her a bunch of crap. And if he is rude now, it's not going to get better. 

by Silver Member on Oct. 15, 2014 at 6:57 PM

The military won't pay for her to go to school. He may transfer benefits to her if he has any left or finance her school himself? Doubt he can get away with it on E3 pay but yeah... I would be worried too if she has her head in the clouds and the guy gives you a bad vibe.  More so if she has no preparation and all this money talk? He may just be marrying her for the with dep pay or to get out of barracs.

by Darby on Oct. 15, 2014 at 7:29 PM

Yeah, these ladies have said it all, especially Mel and Dedi...good luck to them!

by Bronze Member on Oct. 15, 2014 at 9:08 PM

Plans can change but what is his plans after the four years since you said he was going to kick back and take it easy? Has he had any training other than military under his belt? I don't want to jump the gun here but maybe he will go on his GI Bill after this enlistment and then it ending up her going to work to help support them? If he's so sure he won't be transferred, why don't she just continue with the dating and see how things go. That would be my advice. My oldest is dating a guy who is getting ready to go into the service. We both like him and hubs sort of sponsored him. He didn't want him to go talk with the recruiter alone. She knows the life. He doesn't. They may split up due to distance. But I tell her to not let the military make them want to get married to be together. She needs to finish college first. So the next couple of years is going to be hard on them. It will be a test for them to see how strong they are. He leaves in Jan. They met in college and both are working part time for now. Good luck to your daughter but I would try to sit down with her and list the pros and cons.

by Nikki on Oct. 15, 2014 at 9:30 PM
1 mom liked this

All the others have cleared up the questions. I just want to add that you need to tread lightly so you do not push her away and into him. Showing her the pay and letting her know to be careful is good, but do it in a supportive way. Good luck!

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)