My story (Long)

[MyahsMom]

 I had my first daughter in Oct. of '02. It was an uneventful and absolutely wonderful pregnancy. No complications, very easy delivery, easy peasy. Well I got married to my wonderful husband in May of '08 and always dreamed of having two more children. We decided to start trying almost right away and I got pregnant in Oct. of '08. This pregnancy couldn't have been any more different from the first. I was HUGE from the beginning and miserable. I began swelling terribly with major pitting from six months on. My BP began creeping up, and I could not sleep more than off and on a couple of hours each night. My doctor of course tested me for pre-eclampsia and it came back negative. Well I finally was induced on July 12 at 41 weeks. My BP just went totally crazy then and they put me on meds and watched it very closely through the whole delivery as well as internal fetal monitoring. I finally delivered my little (BIG) boy at 10lbs 5oz.the next day, with the umbilical cord around his neck five times, and the NICU doc checking him over due to meconium in the amniotic fluid. After all that, he was declared healthy and happy, and I thought that the hard part was finally over. Boy, was I wrong.
After I was all finished and stitched up and everything, they attempted to get me out of bed into a wheelchair. I ended up blacking out and they revived me with that awful smelly stuff that they crack and put up to your nose. I was whiter than a ghost and my lips were blue. But they didn't seem too concerned and just kept a watch on my BP throughout my stay. I was passing blood clots as big as my fist and on my day of discharge the resident doc came in that morning to tell me that they were thinking of keeping me or at the very least given me a blood transfusion, because of the blood clots and everything my hemoglobin was down to 5.2, I was beyond severely anemic. They were going to draw my blood again and let me know. Well a few hours later my OB came in the room and began talking to me about my discharge orders. Confusingly, when I had asked her about my latest lab results and what about the blood transfusions, and how I thought I was going to have to stay, she didn't even know what I was talking about! She glanced quickly at my chart and said, Oh, nope you're fine, you can go home today, just take some iron pills. (God, I could just scream about that now)So needless to say I went home that day after a few more still very high BP checks. All that day I was so short of breath and exhausted, while still passing the huge blood clots. I chalked it up to a very long and difficult delivery. That night I didn't sleep a wink. I felt so winded and short of breath, every time I'd try to lay down I couldn't breath a bit and I heard my own crackles in my breath sounds as if I had pop rocks in my mouth. I was completely exhausted and in tears, I remember turning to my husband and telling him that I felt like I was going to die. The next day it was all the same, I was still whiter than white and something was definitely not right. So I called my OB's office and they advised me to go to the ER right away. When I got there everything began just moving so fast. There was ECG's, chest x-rays, CT scans, blood draws. I was then admitted to the Cardiac unit with my husband and newborn son in tow. I was devestated, this wasn't where I was supposed to be. I was supposed to be at home, giving Grayson his first bath and spending hours just oogling at his fingers and toes.
The next day I had my first ECHO, and received the PPCM diagnosis, I heard the words Heart failure and the room began to spin. All I had ever known about CHF was that people die. I couldn't even hear anything else they said. I felt detached from the world and wondered where my life (if any) would go from there. Two days later, I convinced them to let me go home and I began my regimen of fuoresemide, enalipril, metoprolol, potassium, BP and weight checks. I was so so scared. I felt so alone despite all support that surrounded me. All I can say is that was the bottom. Thank goodness, things only got better from there. I had my follow up ECHO a month later and I was up to 40+% EF and my hemoglobin and potassium were all great again. I continued my meds and at 4 months post diagnosis my EF was up to 55+% and they took me off my meds and I've been great since. I feel totally consumed by the thought of wanting another little one, and really having been searching to find out if this is really a reasonable possibility. Up until this point any one I brought this up to would just treat me like I was nuts for even considering it. They made me feel horrible for wanting any more children after what had happened with my last, and it made me feel like I was damaged and broken. Finally, after some research I realize that this really is possible!

[RudeKitiKatt]

It is a hard fight back. I am glad that you are doing better. We are a small group but here for the support.