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Do your children know they are adopted?

Posted by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 3:52 PM
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 At what age did you tell them and how did you approach the topic?

How I handled this was the first time they started talking about pregnancy and " when I was in your tummy" I corrected them and said " Oh no, Honey you were never in my tummy , mine is broke you came from my heart." Your biological mom carried you in her tummy. And then we adopted you . So we picked you. Your special. My younger ones were about 3-4 when this came up and this satisfied them. Later I gave more details and they have life books not baby books.

  Crazyladyw8 / group owner




http://www.cafemom.com/group/mombyadopt


Visit Mommies by Adoption come share your joy and challenges of raising your adopted family.

by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 3:52 PM
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Replies (1-4):
Kellyjude1
by New Member on Jan. 10, 2010 at 3:04 PM

  I think it is most important for an adopted child to know they are adopted.  I think the sooner the better.  I think being open and honest is always best.  My son is only 4 we have been reading some books like A Blessing From Above, and other adoption books, to slowly allow him to know about adoption.  Of course he does not fully understand but I think by gradually talking and reading will help him to understand.  I want him to grow up knowing the love of his birth parents and adoptive parents.

billssweety
by on Feb. 19, 2010 at 7:55 PM

My boys were pretty much part of the process because we adopted them on their 8th birthday after having custody of them through foster care for just over a year.

momof2g3b
by New Member on Feb. 20, 2010 at 4:41 PM

Our 4 year old son is just starting to talk about babies in bellies; we have had a friend have a baby in the past 6 months.  We have photos of our son's tummy mommy, and he looks at them often, so he is aware that he is OUR son, but he has a special tummy mommy, too.  We have a baby book, but it is specifically for adoption.  We also adopted his little sister, so the topic has been around and spoken of often for the past two years.  We are also fortunate enough to have open adoptions, so the kids have actually spent time with their special moms.

crazyladyw8
by Group Owner on Feb. 26, 2010 at 8:25 AM

 Our 2 youngest have an Open adoption , however the last time we seen bio- mom our son started asking her about why she let some of the abuse he remembered happen. She had no answers for him. After we left he told me I don't want to see her any more. So I have told her this. She has called twice since then and I reminded her of what he said and that he has not asked for her since. This was 3 years ago. She did not abuse him but she didn't protect him or do anything to stop the abuse. He is a smart boy all though he is delayed and has problems.

As all of my children were foster to adopt all of them experienced some form of abuse or neglect . Im not a strong advocate for contact . If my children want it Im all for it , if that is what they need but in small doses and I have to be right there to supervise at all times. Unless they are an adult or close to being one. My oldest was 17 and handled it very well by herself... she seen her mom and within a few months told her she didnt want anything to do with her unless she came to her parents house. She is now 23 and still wants no contact. She is my go to for advice ... I tell her all and she helps me when I need advice.

I try to do what is best for my children and protect them as best as I can. They have been through enough, but they still have questions.

crazy danglyCo-Owner of Moms2Many http://www.cafemom.com/group/136/forums/136/General_Discussion


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