Discussion topic: when positive parenting becomes indulgent
Sure we'd rather reward our kids into good behavior, but sometimes that just doesn't work. (think all the kids except charlie in willy wonka and the chocolate factory ;-)) At what point do we put our foot down?
I feel that children need us to set boundaries. It is hard to say at what point do we need to put our foot down, though. Perhaps we have to have a parenting philosophy and stick with it.
As parents, we really need to set boundaries and stick to them. Kids actually crave discipline and consistency. I think it is important to give this to them. There is a balance between being indulgent and rewarding good behavior. Not 100% sure that you can qualify or quantify it b/c I think it really depends on the child and parent.
I think, also, that we need to make sure that our praises and rewards are appropriate. Throwing a party each time your child has a good day isn't a good thing, however, a barely mumbled "cool" isn't all that great either. I've always believed that a *little* too much is better than not quite enough, but don't go overboard.
You need to take your child's temperament and preference into account as well. My son will work just as hard for a hug and a "good job!" as he will for a tangible or edible reward, and all in all, needs very litte reinforcement beyond that.
my daughter requires soemthing a little more emotional and tangible as a reward. a simple good juob and a hug isn't enough, i need to add some special mommy and julie time.
I think as long as you are consitent it will even out. My kids get rewards but they also just get stuff just because i wanted to give them something, But when we are somewhere and I say NO, they know that no will stick and that I have a reason for why they cant have or do whatever.
We always talk about the reasons even though I think the 3 year old just looks at me like whatever crazy lady LOL
* shrugs* and I think giving positive feedback will work more often than a trinket or prize.
Like Today My 6 year old helped his brother make a drink, without being asked and I just leaned over and gave him a kiss and thanked him for helping (I was doing dishes) He positively beamed at me and I think Knowing taht I REALLY did apreciate his effort went farther than if I 'd given him a sticker.
I am a Radical Unschooling, Cloth Diapering, Toddlerwearing, Co-Sleeping, Proud Pagan Mommy who is addicted to Dark Fantasy Novels, Good Coffee, Video Games and Shopping
My 4 yo ds and I made a list of "house rules" then we decided on the consequences if they are broken. Basically, if any of THOSE rules are broken there is no warning... he goes straight to time out and looses a star from the wall. If it's something that's not on the list then the kids get a warning but the next time they go to timeout and loose a star. They are able to earn their stars back and depending on the number of stars they have at the end of the day decides on which treat box they get a reward from. We have 3 reward boxes #1, #2, #3. #1 is if there are 1-4 stars. In that box are little treats like tootsie rolls, dum-dums, and Werther's Originals. They get from #2 if they have 5-9 stars. This box has gummy fruit snacks, matchbox cars, and little bubble bottles. The final one is if they get 10+ stars they get something from there. #3 contains things like plastic animals, popcorn balls, and small toys. If they'd rather have something from the smaller numbered boxes they can. This works for us for now but my kids are 2 & 4.
The twins are 8 so at this time we keep track of their checks they get from school and home.............if they dont go over so many checks, the next month they get to pick 2 books from the book fair. This works on tyler, but blake is autistic and it worked one time. Now we are trying to figure out something for blake.
You set boundaries and you HAVE to enforce them. Thats not always mushy and feel good.
- abra
on Feb. 17, 2010 at 8:11 PM