Its been awhile since ive been on cafe mom.So i will catch you up as short as possable.back in june i was laid off and at the same time my boyfriend called it off.The boys being on summer break were bored,lazy,and disrespectful .I still havent found work but havent given up hope in this small town.And i respect my ex decision for why he called it off(he was younger and being a boyfrien with someone who has children was stressfull for him).Okay with the boys being gone for almost 3 weeks it gave me a chance to re organize home ,gather myself,get ahold of my depression,and my direction in life but this is were i need support and/or advice .I can longer except my sons behavior of being disrespectful.i understand they had a great lost in their life that will affect them .But its starting to show in negative ways. The boys do have outlets and i do reward them but its time for me to be tough they are no longer babies.their ages are 9,11,and 15..What is your advise to stay in control,discpline and stay consistant?
I guess first off...my prayers and thoughts are with you...setting boundaries for kids is first and foremost important...now that they are back start a chart of chores for the boys...and maybe by the end of each month depending on how they do they can be rewarded with a "date" out with their mom...each individually...that way they can have more one on one time with you...it doesn't have to be expensive maybe a picnic in the park or a movie matinee...or maybe they can each get one new item of clothing they've been wanting...it's up to you...but you can do it...remember you are the best influence in their lives now...and your positive attitude and willingness to keep the situation under control will go a long way in their lives...
At their age it is normal for them to express themselves in less then appropriate way. That being said it our job to redirect them. My youngest is going through this right now. If we tell him he can't have something he will say I know I am not worth the extra money, or something off handed like that. Then there is the times when he is asked to do something, and he acts like I am breaking his arm. I tried a new thing last night. It was something I did when they were little. He got rude to me and I would not talk all night long. He was so shocked he did not know how to respond. He tried everything he could to get me to talk. I don't like yelling all the time. So this was a more positive way to me. And it worked he has not been rude all day.
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- cat260
on Jul. 31, 2010 at 10:45 PM