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Parenting Positive Kids Parenting Positive Kids

Build Confidence in Your Child's Accomplishments

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Confidence is a funny thing. It almost seems as if you either have it, or you don't. In families with multiple children, this really becomes apparent, as you see children brought up in the same environment who are completely different in terms of self-confidence. I have one child who has a "take the world by the horns" approach, and she has complete and total confidence in everything that she does. Even if this child doesn't succeed, she has an unquenchable feeling that it was the circumstances that failed and not her.  I have a second child who, no matter what he does, feels as if he just can't seem to do anything correctly. If he succeeds, it's a fluke, rather than the fruits of his labors. Two kids. Exactly the same upbringing. Why so different? And how to approach both of them with kindness and love and help both to see that they have success?

It's a tough balance. No one wants to be "that" parent - the one who applauds every little detail and builds their child up into an overconfident egotist. But self-confidence is a very vital aspect to growing up. I personally find that the end of the school year is a fantastic way to help work on my children's self-confidence. One thing I love to do at the end of the school year is reflect on the child's accomplishments over the past school year. I do it in conjunction with the child. This is especially helpful for the child who has had a difficult year, or one who is struggling with the thought of the upcoming grade change. We take the year and break it down into segments and then really talk about the tasks he's mastered and the situations that she's risen above.

Was this the year that your daughter finally mastered the times tables? Did your son learn the Pythagorean Theorem? Was there mastery of fractions, or did those pesky shoelaces finally get tied? Take an afternoon to devote to your child on a one to one basis. Really list out all of those things that you child mastered. Make a list of it, journal it perhaps. Maybe even a poster. Sure, it might sound like overkill, but everyone loves to hear the good stuff about themselves, and giving a child a place to go back to in order to ponder those accomplishments helps both the over and under  confident find their balance.

 What are some methods you use to increase your child's self-esteem?


by on May. 26, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Replies (11-20):
Kiwismommy19
by on May. 28, 2011 at 8:19 AM

Very interesting, thank you!

We talk about the good choices she made during the day at bedtime. We talk about the bad and how/what she could do differently next time. But we spend more time on the good (could be that there are more good choices than bad). I hang most of her artwork on my walls. I framed the very first picture she made me. She's told me that having her art picture in the prettiest frame in the house makes her feel like a real artist, and makes her want to try harder to make everything look good. Same with some of her work she does. She's always trying to do better to get something else hung on the wall.

I'm not sure exactly what else we do. But this child has total confidence without coming off as cocky, or feeling like she's perfect. She's very happy with who she is, doing her own thing.

hws060504
by on May. 31, 2011 at 8:09 PM

Positive reinforcement is huge here.  

earthangel1967
by on May. 31, 2011 at 9:24 PM

goodGreat article by the way

Mrs_Incredible
by on Jun. 1, 2011 at 9:30 AM

Awwww, that's so sweet.

Quoting Kiwismommy19:

Very interesting, thank you!

We talk about the good choices she made during the day at bedtime. We talk about the bad and how/what she could do differently next time. But we spend more time on the good (could be that there are more good choices than bad). I hang most of her artwork on my walls. I framed the very first picture she made me. She's told me that having her art picture in the prettiest frame in the house makes her feel like a real artist, and makes her want to try harder to make everything look good. Same with some of her work she does. She's always trying to do better to get something else hung on the wall.

I'm not sure exactly what else we do. But this child has total confidence without coming off as cocky, or feeling like she's perfect. She's very happy with who she is, doing her own thing.


jen113000
by on Jun. 1, 2011 at 10:24 AM

 I reassure them and am always there for them. I encourage them to try!

Habibti812
by on Jun. 1, 2011 at 12:43 PM

I try to reward good things.. I tell my oldest who is school age. "Okay 4 A's on your tests and will pick a small prize" I make a very big deal when she does academically since that is very important for us. WHen I notice my kids being kind to others I'm sure to point it out and tell them how much I appreciate that. I want them to know I am proud when they do good things!! The article was a good read!

Mom2Just1
by on Jun. 1, 2011 at 8:59 PM

I always tell Connor he is fine just the way he is, encourage him to try new things, and reward his achievements.  

Bmat
by on Jun. 2, 2011 at 6:47 AM

It's true that everyone likes to hear good things about themselves.  Expressing pride about the child's accomplishments is a great morale booster.

Rychelle
by on Jun. 2, 2011 at 10:19 AM

 this is a great article! I try to not only praise my kids when they do something positive but also teach them how to lose greacefully, and encourage them to try again if they dont succeed at something. and praise their efforts

bbmkfo03
by on Jun. 2, 2011 at 1:36 PM

 

Quoting Bmat:

I use positive reinforcement.  I don't shout "Good Job!" for everything the children do,  but if they try and succeed I am happy with them. If they don't succeed, then I let them know I am glad they tried.

 This is what I do!

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