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Parenting Positive Kids Parenting Positive Kids

Build Confidence in Your Child's Accomplishments

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Confidence is a funny thing. It almost seems as if you either have it, or you don't. In families with multiple children, this really becomes apparent, as you see children brought up in the same environment who are completely different in terms of self-confidence. I have one child who has a "take the world by the horns" approach, and she has complete and total confidence in everything that she does. Even if this child doesn't succeed, she has an unquenchable feeling that it was the circumstances that failed and not her.  I have a second child who, no matter what he does, feels as if he just can't seem to do anything correctly. If he succeeds, it's a fluke, rather than the fruits of his labors. Two kids. Exactly the same upbringing. Why so different? And how to approach both of them with kindness and love and help both to see that they have success?

It's a tough balance. No one wants to be "that" parent - the one who applauds every little detail and builds their child up into an overconfident egotist. But self-confidence is a very vital aspect to growing up. I personally find that the end of the school year is a fantastic way to help work on my children's self-confidence. One thing I love to do at the end of the school year is reflect on the child's accomplishments over the past school year. I do it in conjunction with the child. This is especially helpful for the child who has had a difficult year, or one who is struggling with the thought of the upcoming grade change. We take the year and break it down into segments and then really talk about the tasks he's mastered and the situations that she's risen above.

Was this the year that your daughter finally mastered the times tables? Did your son learn the Pythagorean Theorem? Was there mastery of fractions, or did those pesky shoelaces finally get tied? Take an afternoon to devote to your child on a one to one basis. Really list out all of those things that you child mastered. Make a list of it, journal it perhaps. Maybe even a poster. Sure, it might sound like overkill, but everyone loves to hear the good stuff about themselves, and giving a child a place to go back to in order to ponder those accomplishments helps both the over and under  confident find their balance.

 What are some methods you use to increase your child's self-esteem?


by on May. 26, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Replies (21-30):
momof3angela
by on Jun. 2, 2011 at 2:16 PM

 Along with praise...lot's of praise....I let them know they are not alone in the areas that they struggle with. 

momof3angela
by on Jun. 2, 2011 at 2:17 PM

 

Quoting jen113000:

 I reassure them and am always there for them. I encourage them to try!

 This is a big one for me....I let them know not trying is the only failure....it's ok to make mistakes...lot's of mistakes....it's the effort put forth in trying that is a winning effort in itself.

TheJerseyGirl
by on Jun. 2, 2011 at 8:19 PM

 Great advice!

bhwrn1
by on Jun. 2, 2011 at 9:29 PM

always praise whether they win or lose

bhwrn1
by on Jun. 2, 2011 at 9:29 PM

point out the things they did well, not the things they didn't do well

MamaSunshyne
by on Jun. 6, 2011 at 3:29 AM

I give my girls one bit of advice.  I am not someone who believes much in regrets, but if I ever had to say I have one it is allowing others to change me.  I spent so much time in life caring about popularity and others opinions that I did not do many things that I wished I had.  So I encourage them to go out each Day and live life to the fullest, laugh at yourself and the world laughs with you, and just do you (you a the only one that can).

njmomof3
by on Jun. 10, 2011 at 1:41 PM

 

Quoting sweettigeress:

interesting read. thanks. 

I boost my child's self-esteem by letting them know they are perfect the way they are. I praise her on her good deeds.

 That's what I do, too.

Great article.

Stefono
by on Jun. 12, 2011 at 7:52 AM

 I personally LOVE building up my children. They are truly awesome. Whenever they do the slightest thing I'm hoping for them to do I totally tell them how awesome they are and why. So that they will repeat the action. On the other hand , no one is perfect, anyone would be lying if they said that their house was, witch would scare the shit out a me, my opinion.If you know your giving 100% that you can, then cool, if not well maybe there's some spots that can be worked on. We all have things we can work on, life is consistant and ever changeing. Just do your best.

bukkyodeyemi
by on Jun. 15, 2011 at 12:15 PM
Beautiful article, my kids ar still very young (20mnths and 8mnth) so everything they do still marvels and delights me but even then my 20 months old DD now shows some strong personalities that shows she might want to do things her way, so wat I do is try to to build on her confidence by showing her so much love and applause her when she does things right but at the same time let her understand that mumi has a (no no face)frown when she is getting out of hand and that still stops jer from being naughty for now (lol).I'm also very geneous with the I love u and I'm proud of u (when deserving)and I think they ar growing up to be comfident little children. I'm so proud of them!
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momof3angela
by on Jun. 16, 2011 at 10:14 AM

 I like to also encourage my kid's to give praise to other ppl as well.....b/c it helps to make other's feel good about themselves and builds their confidence.

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