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Parenting Positive Kids Parenting Positive Kids

Build Confidence in Your Child's Accomplishments

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Confidence is a funny thing. It almost seems as if you either have it, or you don't. In families with multiple children, this really becomes apparent, as you see children brought up in the same environment who are completely different in terms of self-confidence. I have one child who has a "take the world by the horns" approach, and she has complete and total confidence in everything that she does. Even if this child doesn't succeed, she has an unquenchable feeling that it was the circumstances that failed and not her.  I have a second child who, no matter what he does, feels as if he just can't seem to do anything correctly. If he succeeds, it's a fluke, rather than the fruits of his labors. Two kids. Exactly the same upbringing. Why so different? And how to approach both of them with kindness and love and help both to see that they have success?

It's a tough balance. No one wants to be "that" parent - the one who applauds every little detail and builds their child up into an overconfident egotist. But self-confidence is a very vital aspect to growing up. I personally find that the end of the school year is a fantastic way to help work on my children's self-confidence. One thing I love to do at the end of the school year is reflect on the child's accomplishments over the past school year. I do it in conjunction with the child. This is especially helpful for the child who has had a difficult year, or one who is struggling with the thought of the upcoming grade change. We take the year and break it down into segments and then really talk about the tasks he's mastered and the situations that she's risen above.

Was this the year that your daughter finally mastered the times tables? Did your son learn the Pythagorean Theorem? Was there mastery of fractions, or did those pesky shoelaces finally get tied? Take an afternoon to devote to your child on a one to one basis. Really list out all of those things that you child mastered. Make a list of it, journal it perhaps. Maybe even a poster. Sure, it might sound like overkill, but everyone loves to hear the good stuff about themselves, and giving a child a place to go back to in order to ponder those accomplishments helps both the over and under  confident find their balance.

 What are some methods you use to increase your child's self-esteem?


by on May. 26, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Replies (31-40):
bbmkfo03
by on Jun. 18, 2011 at 12:10 AM

 Also, great article, I passed it along to some of my friends!

Bmat
by on Jun. 20, 2011 at 11:07 AM

I use terms such as "you seem to have a special skill in this."

chipotano
by on Jun. 21, 2011 at 7:43 AM

well i normally give my daughter a big hug and tell her how proud we are of her and also that God could not have made her any better because God creats people differently and they all have different qualities so God couldnt have done a better job with her.

i like the article because building confidence starts from scratch and if we dont help them do that no one will.

iluv2read
by on Jun. 21, 2011 at 7:50 PM

I always praise them for their hard work. It doesn't matter if they made a perfect grade or whatever, but if they really worked hard, I point that out. If they make a good grade on top of that, I praise them by saying their hard work really paid off. Whenever others are around bragging about one of the kids, I make a point of mentioning the other kid, too, so they know their achievements are also important.

favoritehippie
by on Jun. 22, 2011 at 8:55 AM
Thank you for this article! I didn't have this as a child so I want to be sure my children can grow up with more confidence than I. Great advice from all the posts!
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Kiwismommy19
by on Jun. 22, 2011 at 1:39 PM

I like that  :-)

Quoting Bmat:

I use terms such as "you seem to have a special skill in this."


momof3angela
by on Jun. 22, 2011 at 1:58 PM

 This is beautiful:)))

Quoting chipotano:

well i normally give my daughter a big hug and tell her how proud we are of her and also that God could not have made her any better because God creats people differently and they all have different qualities so God couldnt have done a better job with her.

i like the article because building confidence starts from scratch and if we dont help them do that no one will.

 

Madelaine
by on Jul. 14, 2011 at 5:16 PM

Interesting!

Madelaine
by on Jul. 14, 2011 at 5:16 PM

Lots of appropriate praise

elasmimi
by on Jul. 14, 2011 at 5:49 PM

I do go a little overboard with praise, but sometimes she does amaze me. I avoid saying YOU are bad because you did this, and always make it about the action, not the child. She is quick to give up on things, so I always praise for continued effort.

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