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Parenting Positive Kids Parenting Positive Kids

Build Confidence in Your Child's Accomplishments

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Confidence is a funny thing. It almost seems as if you either have it, or you don't. In families with multiple children, this really becomes apparent, as you see children brought up in the same environment who are completely different in terms of self-confidence. I have one child who has a "take the world by the horns" approach, and she has complete and total confidence in everything that she does. Even if this child doesn't succeed, she has an unquenchable feeling that it was the circumstances that failed and not her.  I have a second child who, no matter what he does, feels as if he just can't seem to do anything correctly. If he succeeds, it's a fluke, rather than the fruits of his labors. Two kids. Exactly the same upbringing. Why so different? And how to approach both of them with kindness and love and help both to see that they have success?

It's a tough balance. No one wants to be "that" parent - the one who applauds every little detail and builds their child up into an overconfident egotist. But self-confidence is a very vital aspect to growing up. I personally find that the end of the school year is a fantastic way to help work on my children's self-confidence. One thing I love to do at the end of the school year is reflect on the child's accomplishments over the past school year. I do it in conjunction with the child. This is especially helpful for the child who has had a difficult year, or one who is struggling with the thought of the upcoming grade change. We take the year and break it down into segments and then really talk about the tasks he's mastered and the situations that she's risen above.

Was this the year that your daughter finally mastered the times tables? Did your son learn the Pythagorean Theorem? Was there mastery of fractions, or did those pesky shoelaces finally get tied? Take an afternoon to devote to your child on a one to one basis. Really list out all of those things that you child mastered. Make a list of it, journal it perhaps. Maybe even a poster. Sure, it might sound like overkill, but everyone loves to hear the good stuff about themselves, and giving a child a place to go back to in order to ponder those accomplishments helps both the over and under  confident find their balance.

 What are some methods you use to increase your child's self-esteem?


by on May. 26, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Replies (41-50):
dixiegurl223626
by on Jul. 14, 2011 at 6:01 PM

I praise every accomplishment he makes and if he struggles, I encourage him and tell him I know he can do it.

mommythree0508
by on Jul. 14, 2011 at 10:37 PM

 

Quoting jerzeetomato:

 love this article.  I try to acknowledge their accomplishments, their efforts, their kind deeds.

 

alliesmom112
by on Jul. 14, 2011 at 10:46 PM
Great article thanks for sharing.
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AM-BRAT
by on Jul. 14, 2011 at 11:58 PM

You're so awesome!  ;)

Quoting earthangel1967:

I use only positive discipline. I try to catch them being good and make a bigger deal out of that than the negatives.

I figure out what they care about most and are most talented at or passionate about and encourage and invest in those things.

I respect and LISTEN to what they say and feel and think and allow them to respectfully agree to disagree with me as they have aright to their own opinions.

I teach them lots of life skills and how to be independent there is so much self respect and confidence and esteem involved in doing that.

I tell them and SHOW them that THEY are our top priorities

I dont judge them or think less of them for mistakes but remind them we learn and evolve from our mistakes and its only human


foistela
by on Aug. 4, 2011 at 12:46 PM

Ditto! 

Quoting jerzeetomato:

 love this article.  I try to acknowledge their accomplishments, their efforts, their kind deeds.

 

                    

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.Angelica.
by on Aug. 4, 2011 at 1:11 PM

thanks for sharing

dusky_rose
by on Aug. 4, 2011 at 2:04 PM

 I think that its so important to give praise where praise is due and if I make a mistake I say I'm sorry because I want my child to know that its ok to make mistakes as long as they try to change their behavior. I don't expect my children to be perfect, just to do the best that they can. Right now I have been working with my youngest son because he is very competitive and thinks that winning is everything. We tell him that having fun is important also, but he does not listen very well, so we are still working on this one with him.

sissyboogs
by on Aug. 4, 2011 at 2:08 PM

My kids are still very young (3 and 13 months). I grew up with no self-confidence, and I want my kids to be different. I praise and applaud them for every little thing they succeed in doing. And, even if they don't succeed in what they are attempting, I still applaud them for their efforts and encourage them to keep trying.

My son (the 3 year old), especially, lights up when he accomplishes something. It's so awesome to see him when he succeeds.

BiloxiDreams
by on Aug. 4, 2011 at 3:51 PM

I try a lot of positive reinforcement.  When they do well I try to say "You should be proud of yourself" rather than "I'm so proud of you."  I want them to have pride in themselves and not look to others for it.

Kristenn
by on Aug. 4, 2011 at 4:30 PM
I always tell Ayden he is special and now he just says " I am"! or " I know"! Lol!!!
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