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Parenting Positive Kids Parenting Positive Kids

Do you think this mom's method of punishment was too extreme?

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Mom Punishes Daughter Via Facebook & People Freak Out

Posted by Julie Ryan Evans on April 27, 2012 

Ava AbbottOhio mom Denise Abbott has started a firestorm of debate after she used Facebook to discipline her 13-year-old daughter, Ava. After Ava was being disrespectful and was involved in too much online drama with friends, her mother took to the social media site to try and teach her daughter a lesson.

She changed her daughter's profile picture to one that showed a red "X" over her mouth with a caption that read: "I do not know how to keep my [mouth shut]. I am no longer allowed on Facebook or my phone. Please ask why."

Denise told the Today show:

I decided to do something that I know would totally impact her, and that the next time she started that, she'd think 'I don't want my face all over Facebook again with a red 'X' over my mouth.'

Harsh and a little humiliating for the girl, perhaps, as plenty are crying with outrage. And yes, experts will chime in and tell us all of the reasons why it's not the "right" way to address an unruly child. But it also feels like an almost inevitable sign of the times. I mean corporal punishment is pretty much criminal these days; grounding only gets you so far; and even some good old-fashioned screaming will probably get you a visit from child services. So what's a concerned parent to do?

Yes, there's talking, setting expectations, and all of that other stuff that sounds so good ... until you're dealing with a teenager who absolutely won't behave no matter what you do. Then what?

While in principle I don't agree that humiliating children is the best way to teach a lesson, I also think it's a hell of a lot better than not disciplining them at all. And honestly, in this case, the mother's method fit the crime pretty well.

As for Ava, she doesn't seem scarred by the whole incident either. She told NBC that she felt like she deserved it. "It made me realize that i didn't want my picture on there like that." Of course, maybe she just said that because she's scared of what crazy punishment her mother would come up with if she didn't.

Do you think this mom's method of punishment was too extreme?

by on Apr. 27, 2012 at 7:54 AM
Replies (11-16):
LuvingRN
by on Apr. 28, 2012 at 6:18 PM
I couldnt agree more!

Quoting Brandiec214:

 I lOVE this. I think this was the perfect punishment. There are so many stories about kids being bullied and/or jumped and beaten up due to Facebook and any other social media and it all starts from this crap (kids running their mouth). If they cant use it wisely they need to be taught a lesson.

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Brandiec214
by on Apr. 29, 2012 at 8:18 AM

 People now days are so ready to point their finger at parents for doing something that "isnt right" to their kids but yet 10-20 years ago it was the best thing for them??? I dont get it. Who makes these rules? I believe in disicipline. Im not here to be my childs friend im here to raise them to be responsible young men. Teach them that the world isnt always going to talk to them with kindness and willing to be their friend. However my kids know that I am always there for them and that I am a friendly mom. I like the old days better (and im only 25).

 

 

Quoting LuvingRN:

I couldnt agree more!

Quoting Brandiec214:

 I lOVE this. I think this was the perfect punishment. There are so many stories about kids being bullied and/or jumped and beaten up due to Facebook and any other social media and it all starts from this crap (kids running their mouth). If they cant use it wisely they need to be taught a lesson.

 

Aslen
by on Apr. 29, 2012 at 8:20 AM

no it wasn't extreme. it fit the crime. Like the guy who shot his daughter's laptop.

Bet they won't do it again!

sweetlyblissful
by on Apr. 29, 2012 at 11:27 AM

 I don't think it's too extreme.  It didn't damage her daughter, and her daughter learned her lesson.  I think it worked well.  The only thing that is extreme about it is how the media blows it up into this huge deal. 

GaleJ
by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 9:19 AM
1 mom liked this

Humiliation is not a great way to teach, which is, first and foremost our responsibility as parents. I also don't think this shows much respect and is not a good foundation for a functional parent/child relationship through the difficult teen years. I tried very hard, as my son was growing up to treat him as I would wish to be treated, seemed like the best approach then and I still think so.

AlyBren
by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 12:40 PM

Better than hitting her. At the point that she's [the mother] doing this kind of thing, though, so many other things are wrong in that relationship that "not hitting her," is probably as good as it's going to get for them.

I wish the daughter much success so she can pay for a good therapist.

             

                 

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