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Parenting Positive Kids Parenting Positive Kids

Can't hold you all the time

Posted by on Jun. 1, 2012 at 11:32 AM
  • 12 Replies

I am a new mother to a 3 month baby boy and I may have made the worst mistake you can make by holding my baby all the time. Everyone gets onto me about it and I have even had family to tell me that even though I can't get anything done now, it will only get worse.  They have said that eventually I should expect my son to take tantrums in the store when he gets older, if he does not get his way.  I think that is my worse fear.  I want my son to understand that I love him but also respect when I say no.  So now I am trying to figure out how do I correct this mistake.  I have only hurt myself because I don't get anything done around the house in the evening, because I am having to hold the baby all evening and he sleeps on my chest because I was so afraid he would stop breathing while i was sleep and I would not know, so I kept him on my chest so I would know all of his needs during the night.  Now at night I will get up and put him in his swing in the living room and I will sleep on the coach, next to him, so I can sleep on my side and try and break him from sleeping with me.  One good thing is he loves his bed but because it is so far away from my bedroom I am afraid to leave him in his room.  But what do I do to break him from needing to be held all the time?  I hate to let him cry and I read that it is not healthy to just let them cry for long periods of time.  But right now I may just have to get some tissue for him and me and tough it out.  Please help.

surrender

by on Jun. 1, 2012 at 11:32 AM
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Replies (1-10):
sweetlyblissful
by on Jun. 1, 2012 at 11:58 AM
1 mom liked this

 I don't think it's a mistake that you have made.  I think it's your baby's personality.  I have a 12 month old and she has been the exact same way since she was born.  And you know what?  She is still that way, and I still have to hold her all the time.  She is on my lap as I type this.  She still sleeps with me too.  Don't let your baby cry.  It does not help.  The only advice I can give is buy a baby carrier like a Bebo or an Ergo.  It has become a lifesaver for me.  And as hard as it is, I love the cuddles and how much my baby loves to be with me.  I'm sorry I can't tell you anything that will make it stop. I don't think your baby will grow up to have tantrums in the store...if you are meeting the child's needs, your baby will be content and happy.  The only time I EVER have problems is when my baby is hungry.  She is not a happy camper if I take her out without feeding her first.

A few tips that might help:

-You can't spoil a newborn. 

-When laying your baby down, pick him up when he cries.  But as soon as he's settled, lay him back down.  Repeat until he finally goes to sleep.

-Swaddle your baby.  I found this can help....sometimes. lol

-Housework comes 2nd....and is not a priority at this time.  And can be done after baby goes to sleep or while you wear your baby in a carrier.

-Your baby will be much happier in the long-run if you are there for him, and attend to his cries and needs.  The trust you build will help you as he gets older.

-And remember that they grow up so fast. And soon enough they won't want to be around you. 

Good luck, I think you are doing a great job!!

koolnewmama
by on Jun. 1, 2012 at 12:05 PM

Thank you so much, this is so helpful.  I have beat myself up trying to figure out what to do, not to mention all of the tears I have shed trying to let him cry a little only to pick him up and apologize for letting him cry.  I think that laying him down when he falls asleep is a good idea.  I just have to continue to remember, OK he is sleep you can lay him down now.  Instead of being afraid to move him because he may wake up.  Thank you for all of your encouragement.  I think I may live to have another child.  LOL.

jraehoner
by on Jun. 1, 2012 at 3:37 PM
1 mom liked this

I would agree with sweetlyblissful.  The thing is you know what your baby needs and no one else does.  People like to give advice and not think about the repercussions of their words.  There is so much you question as a mom, am I doing this or that right don't let others make you doubt yourself even more.  My Dr always told me it wasn't until about 18 months that you could screw up your kid, jokingly of course.  That is because that is when they really start to make the connection between actions and reactions.  So if your baby is crying now and you pick him up he just knows that it feels really comforting.  He doesn't understand the concept of "If I cry she will pick me up."  And let me tell you as the mom of a toddler.  you can do all you can to discipline them and that tantrum in the store may still happen.  You know what, when that happens you will get through it too.

Delirium003
by on Jun. 1, 2012 at 4:43 PM

I agree with sweetlyblissful!!  There is no way you could spoil a newborn

hunterskysmom
by on Jun. 1, 2012 at 8:20 PM
1 mom liked this
I just wish my little girl would let me hold her again I miss it so enjoy it while you can
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Army_Mom_2_Boyz
by on Jun. 1, 2012 at 10:41 PM

Me too

Quoting Delirium003:

I agree with sweetlyblissful!!  There is no way you could spoil a newborn


mysticalmalissa
by Gold Member on Jun. 2, 2012 at 7:52 AM
1 mom liked this

I dont see where you are doing anything wrong!

You keep doing what works for YOU and YOUR child. There are no two children alike and just because someone else's way of child raising worked for them, doesnt mean it will for you and yours.

You just keep on enjoying and loving the special time you have with your baby. Follow your heart as to whats right for your son.

mjimaging
by Bronze Member on Jun. 2, 2012 at 8:27 AM
1 mom liked this
DS wanted to be held all the time. I didn't accomplish anything. DH did everything. He brought my dinner and water and everything to me since DS was nursing all the time. Then we were able to start putting down around eight months. We found a good carrier by then. He still likes to cuddle but he does his own thing. He's 33 months old. He sleeps with us for half the night since he still nurses. He throws tantrums but normal toddler stuff. He is pretty easy to calm down. He is a very affectionate child. I'll do it the same way with the next. I don't feel any of those decisions were mistakes.
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Amberleigh81
by New Member on Jun. 2, 2012 at 8:31 AM
1 mom liked this
Ugh. You spoil a baby like you spoil fruit. Put it away and forget about it.

Babies are MEANT to be held and comforted. They have SO MUCH TIME to grow up later!
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pfphoto
by on Jun. 2, 2012 at 9:24 AM
1 mom liked this
I have a moby warp I used for mine he loved it he was snug into my chest and I had both hands free and he was safe. Check it out www.mobywrap.com. It talks about baby wearing and how babies can't be spoiled. Your baby needs u and when u hold him he knows u will b there. This is only a season babies grow so fast u don't want to miss out on precious time with him, you'll regret it. I nursed my little man for 18 months and I did it on demand I loved it. Housework can wait babies can't.
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