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Hi all, I decided to post this problem in this particular group because, for the most part, she is a positive child. But sometimes, my 7 year old daughter is easily influenced, which I'm sure most are. The problem is, she's influenced by people who should be helping her grow. Let me explain....

Her father and I have never been together. I got pregnant at 19 and had this beautiful bundle of joy. He was abusive, and I admit I tried keeping him out of her life. After court visits, paternity tests, and a little self reflection and growth, I came around and he got visits and what not. It hasn't been the easiest 7 years, but lots of things have changed. I met an amazing man. We are expecting a child at the end of this month and plan on getting married. We moved in with him 2 years ago when my daughter was starting school.

All this probably sounds great!! The problem comes in with the fact that she started calling my boyfriend Dad. Her real father causes a huge stink. He tells his daughter its wrong and makes her feel awful. Then she comes home with an attitude towards us. We never asked her to call him dad, she picked it up on her own. Her father is in and out of jobs, is behind on his child support and goes weeks without calling her. But he makes us out to be the bad guys. I was thinking of counseling for my daughter, but I'm so confused. Should we be telling her not to call him dad?? He provides everything for her. We don't speak a word of bad about her father to her, and I'm sick of him filling her head with this. Her father went so far as to tell her how I tried to keep him away from her. I have tried talking to him, with no avail. Any advise??

by on Aug. 18, 2012 at 8:55 AM
Replies (101-110):
ProudMommy0929
by on Aug. 20, 2012 at 9:13 PM
1 mom liked this
She calls him dad because she knows wat a dad is supposed to be like. Obviously your boyfriend is doin something right to make her feel comfortable enough to call him that. My oldest son knows only one man as "dad". His biological father hasn't been apart of his life in anyway...the father of my second child was there for me during my first pregnancy from 5 months along. He was in the hospital with me the whole time. And my son called him "Dada" on his own. I had nothing to do with it. Kids can sense good and bad in people. Your daughter obviously likes something in your boyfriend. I don't think there's anything wrong with it. She knows wat a dad is and she obviously sees that in him. I think its a good thing cuz she's learning wat a good man and a good "dad" is.
crazymomoffour2
by on Aug. 20, 2012 at 9:13 PM
1 mom liked this

just let her call him whatever she wants. As a child she realizes who has more influence on her and who the father figure is in her life. My step daughter calls me mom and has since before her father and I were dating. why because her mom was barely in her life and I was more of a mother to her. If the father wants to make a stink tell him deal with it. She has chosen to call him dad and u don't want to change that. as long as it her decision let it go

CampClan
by on Aug. 20, 2012 at 9:36 PM

My advice- a kid knows who takes care of them. If she chose to call your bf "dad" then it's her choice. She clearly feels that he is dad in every aspect.

twice2thefun
by on Aug. 20, 2012 at 9:45 PM
IMO a parent (mother and father) is not just someone who births/gives life to a child! A parent is someone who is there for everything and loves a child. If two women adopt a baby they are both that babies mom! So if there is a divorce or never a Marrige and the biological parents get with someone else then yes you have more than 1 mom and 1 dad!
So bio parents need to grow up in these situations and realize they gave up the right to be the only mom and dad of there kids lives!
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Heatherkelly
by on Aug. 20, 2012 at 10:01 PM

He is behind on child support, go for full custody or cut his visitation. Also, she is 7. It's up to her Who SHE respects to call dad. Just because your ex was the sperm donor, doesn't make him her Dad. What a jerk. I can't believe he even feels threatened at all when he isn't a real father to her anyways.

Candy500
by on Aug. 20, 2012 at 10:01 PM
"Dad" is a title that is earned and if he has been there for her long enough and she obviously loves him and trusts him to be that than by all means allow her that.
My brother raised his stepson since he was 7 months old. When he reached a certain age and his biological father came back into his life he began referring to my brother by his name when he's with his biological father and vice-versa. I don't know if this was his choice or something his bio father pushed him to do, but it seemed to work for him.
At 7 years old she understands more than you might think so maybe this would be an option.
KarlottaMom
by on Aug. 20, 2012 at 10:03 PM

  Your boyfriend has obviously earned a place in her heart and that is where he should stay.  Her bio-dad needs to respect this and not make the child feel bad for her feelings. Being called dad is a badge of honor and maybe in her eyes bio dad doesn't make her feel like"home where she is safe and warm"  Good Luck!!

harleigh07
by on Aug. 20, 2012 at 10:10 PM

at 7 years old they know how their dad is and isn't. she probably feels safe with your BF and wants to call him dad. I would just have a sit down conversation with her on why it might hurt her real dad, and just explain. but also let her know that she can choose what she wants to call BD. if she still wants to then great, if not then she doesn't. 

I wouldn't force her to stop tho, just inform her why her dad is acting that way and that it's her choice to continue or not. 

good luck!

larschick
by on Aug. 20, 2012 at 10:15 PM
In my opinion a father is a person who donates 1/2 of the child's generic material. Anyone can be a father, BUT it takes a real man to be a Dad/Daddy. A dad takes time to be with his children, love, & support them. A dad takes time to nurture a sense of security in a child's life, & teaches them to strive for their best. Dad is a special term that a child can give to the man who teaches them everything.
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karladiego
by on Aug. 20, 2012 at 10:19 PM

I just went through the same situation with my son, he sometimes calls my husband my "other dad" of course his father hates it but then again his father has never been there for him and my husband has been more of a father to him than his own dad. On the other hand his father got married this saturday and my son left on Friday saying Lupe (that is my ex's gf name) this or Lupe that but came back Saturday from the wedding calling her mom which pissed me off to no end considering that my son has never like her and he has always said she's mean not only to him but to her own kids...which draw me to the conclusion that somebody told my son to call her mom.

A friend in a different group said something that I do agree with, stepparents have to work to earn the title of mom and/or dad. I have stepkids myself and I HAVE NEVER pressured them to call me mom but I do appreciate the little things they do for me that makes me feel loved by them. My son is  8 by the way and I think you should do what I did, be honest and explain to your kid that she doesn't have to call your bf "dad" unless she feels like it and that she doesn't need to share that with his "real dad" and also explain without insulting or saying anything negative about your ex that whatever her dad says about you is just a matter that she should ignore because it belongs among adults. Hope this helps you.

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