Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Hi all, I decided to post this problem in this particular group because, for the most part, she is a positive child. But sometimes, my 7 year old daughter is easily influenced, which I'm sure most are. The problem is, she's influenced by people who should be helping her grow. Let me explain....

Her father and I have never been together. I got pregnant at 19 and had this beautiful bundle of joy. He was abusive, and I admit I tried keeping him out of her life. After court visits, paternity tests, and a little self reflection and growth, I came around and he got visits and what not. It hasn't been the easiest 7 years, but lots of things have changed. I met an amazing man. We are expecting a child at the end of this month and plan on getting married. We moved in with him 2 years ago when my daughter was starting school.

All this probably sounds great!! The problem comes in with the fact that she started calling my boyfriend Dad. Her real father causes a huge stink. He tells his daughter its wrong and makes her feel awful. Then she comes home with an attitude towards us. We never asked her to call him dad, she picked it up on her own. Her father is in and out of jobs, is behind on his child support and goes weeks without calling her. But he makes us out to be the bad guys. I was thinking of counseling for my daughter, but I'm so confused. Should we be telling her not to call him dad?? He provides everything for her. We don't speak a word of bad about her father to her, and I'm sick of him filling her head with this. Her father went so far as to tell her how I tried to keep him away from her. I have tried talking to him, with no avail. Any advise??

by on Aug. 18, 2012 at 8:55 AM
Replies (61-70):
Mama_Gleich
by on Aug. 20, 2012 at 2:33 PM
Is she came up with calling BF dad by herself. I would say let her. In DD's mind he has earned that name. Bio-dad is in the wrong for making her feel guilty or bad for calling BF dad. I would say counseling is a good idea. Your daughter probably has sooo many emotions going through her and can't understand them all.
Serenitymom
by Member on Aug. 20, 2012 at 2:47 PM

I know from experience that children know better than what most would think. My I had two girls before getting with DS father, one loved him and the other didn't like him so much, but their bio dad was a good father despite how he left me homeless and for an under age girl. That aside, the two girls never call step dad dad, only because they still loved their bio dad enough to not feel they needed another dad to fill that.

Sammi20
by on Aug. 20, 2012 at 3:09 PM

Let her call your bf dad he is the real man actually providing for her and raising her.. If she Wants to call them Both or one of them dad its her choice. I think its a sign of love for your daughter to be calling your bf dad. Just comfort her and make sure she knows she is not doing anything wrong :)

egrzesik91
by on Aug. 20, 2012 at 3:45 PM

Get full custody or if he hasnt seen her for 6 straight months- it is child abandoment and his rights would be signed off.

audreesmama
by on Aug. 20, 2012 at 4:34 PM

My exDH has been around since DD was born, but when she was 18 months he left. He saw her intermittently after that. I met my now DH when DD was 2.5 and he has been around ever since. She calls my DH Daddy as well as her biodad. Neither of them have an issue with it. I told exDH that if he had a problem, he could step up his parenting. However, DD made a comment to exDH about her baby brother (I'm 38 weeks pregnant) and exDH told her it's not her real brother, only her half brother. DD and I have never discussed this, but she looked at exDH and told him "I love my brother, he's my whole brother. He's not half anything!". I was pretty proud of her. I don't know if she understands the concept, but it's bullcrap that exDH tried to pull that. 

I think if she wants to call him Dad, so be it. Your DD should be allowed to use the term of affection how she sees fit. For a long time after exDH left, she would call me mom and dad LOL.

                                  


                                 

RoddaMom
by on Aug. 20, 2012 at 5:21 PM

If she feels like calling him Dad she should. I have four adopted chidlren (step-parent adoption) and their bio mom made a big fuss about it at first and did this too. Now she is ok with it and realizes that there is room for more than one mom in their life. My uncle had step-children and they called him "spare dad" since he was their dad when their dad could not be there. I think it is important that you let her know that it is ok and that all of the parents involved love her. She will realize eventually that you are the stable people in her life and no matter what she chooses to call your boyfriend he IS one of her fathers. Hugs to you and I hope you and your family start to feel better about the situtaion!

ejsmom4604
by on Aug. 20, 2012 at 6:02 PM

It should be up to her to decide what she wants to call your boyfriend. She can call both men dad if that is how she sees them. I would get her into counseling as soon as you can to work through all this. The attitude is coming from the fact that she feels safe and trusts you and your boyfriend to love her so she feels comfortable to act out. However her biological father flits in and out of her life and she is afraid if she says anything or acts out he may never come back. 

Another thing you can do is let her biological father know that if he keeps this up you will be requesting supervised visits indefinitely. He is causing her emotional harm and that is unacceptable. 

smokisses
by on Aug. 20, 2012 at 6:14 PM

You probably wont see this, and all the women who are posting about their 3 year olds, but I WENT THROUGH THIS! I will be 25 next month, and to this day I regret that my step-dad never adopted me.  My mom was holding out for child support from my bio-sperm-donor...  THE ONLY WAY I CAN EXPLAIN THIS FEELING OF BEING LEFT OUT OF THEIR FAMILY IS THE STORY OF THE UGLY DUCKLING.  My step sister and step brother had my step-dad's last name, and my mom had taken his last name as well!  So, I was stuck with my dead beat's bio-sperm-donor's last name.  I have always felt left out, or unloved in the retrospect that I'm not legally their family.  My sister even rubs it in my face in a way that no one else notices it but me, by saying MY DAD, not Our dad :/  

(My mom held out for child support because my step-dad had to pay child support for my step-sister and step-brother for 18 + years, so she was holding it for it from my bio-sperm-donor).

smokisses
by on Aug. 20, 2012 at 6:15 PM

BTW, I love my step-dad, I consider him my real and only dad. My mom married him when I was 3, I remember the day I ran up to him and told him, "I love you, Daddy!" then I ran into my room giggling!  I was 3, and I meant it!  My mom never stopped it, and never told me, No, he's not your dad or anything like that!  

Quoting smokisses:

You probably wont see this, and all the women who are posting about their 3 year olds, but I WENT THROUGH THIS! I will be 25 next month, and to this day I regret that my step-dad never adopted me.  My mom was holding out for child support from my bio-sperm-donor...  THE ONLY WAY I CAN EXPLAIN THIS FEELING OF BEING LEFT OUT OF THEIR FAMILY IS THE STORY OF THE UGLY DUCKLING.  My step sister and step brother had my step-dad's last name, and my mom had taken his last name as well!  So, I was stuck with my dead beat's bio-sperm-donor's last name.  I have always felt left out, or unloved in the retrospect that I'm not legally their family.  My sister even rubs it in my face in a way that no one else notices it but me, by saying MY DAD, not Our dad :/  

(My mom held out for child support because my step-dad had to pay child support for my step-sister and step-brother for 18 + years, so she was holding it for it from my bio-sperm-donor).


tnbabie
by on Aug. 20, 2012 at 6:34 PM

Let her call him whatever she wants to call him , and allow her to make her own conclusions with her dad..keep doing what you are doing ..her dad is jelous cause she is calling someone else dadddy besides him if he was doing his job as dad she wouldnt want to call another man daddy

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)