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Posted by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 9:11 AM
  • 58 Replies

7 Things Every Woman Should Know Before Having a Baby

Posted by Nicole Fabian-Weber on October 10, 2012 

nicole fabian-weber
MY lounge chair.
Babies are the greatest, aren't they? They're so pure, and sweet, and they bring infinite joy into people's lives. But, you know what else they do? Rob their parents of the life they used to know!

It's all for the better, I swear! I wouldn't trade my daughter for anything in the universe, but after I had her, the little things my childless self used to do suddenly became extreme luxuries. Or, you know, things that just didn't happen at all.

Friends who are thinking of having kids -- let me tell you, it truly is the best thing in the world. Go for it. But take heed. Here are 7 things you should know before having a baby.

Life as you know it won't end. It'll just ... change.

You will come in contact -- on a fairly regular basis -- with feces that aren't your own. Like cleanliness? A fan of not touching other people's poop? You may want to consider staying childless, because let me tell you: Babies = Poop. Everywhere. All the time.

The inside of a movie theater will be but a distant memory. Everybody kept saying it to me before I gave birth: "Don't stay in the house now, because once the baby comes ..." And I should have listened to them, but I was just so tired. I can't tell you the last time I went to a movie. If my husband and I get out, it's to grab a quick bite so we can talk. But there is an upside! Lots of OnDemand to look forward to.

Your voice will start to sporadically break into a high-pitched squeal. You're talking to your husband or your friend in your normal voice. Yeah, so I really need to get those TPS reports done for wo-- Then your baby wakes up, and your voice involuntarily shifts a few octaves higher. I hear a pretty little girl!!! I'm gonna get yooouuu!!!

You'll be able to get out of your house quickly. Oh, I'm sorry, did I say "quickly"? I mean, it'll take forever to leave your house! For-ev-er. (And don't even get me started on "traveling light.")

David Letterman, Andy Cohen, and John Stewart will become unrecognizable to you. Enjoy shows that go on later than 10? (Or, um, 9?) Better set that DVR, friend. Once you have a kid, sleep trumps hilarious social commentary any day.

You will become one of "those people." Used to roll your eyes at the men and women who would talk about their kids, and -- gasp! -- show you pictures of the little ones? Heh-heh-heh. You just wait.

Before having a baby, ask yourself this: Do I like spit-up? Because let me tell you, spit-up likes you.

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by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 9:11 AM
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Replies (1-10):
natesmom1228
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 10:00 AM
1 mom liked this

You will very odd things in your purse. I always have crayons in my purse.

elasmimi
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 10:02 AM
2 moms liked this

You will know the purest love you could ever imagine, and poop won't matter.

.Angelica.
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 1:42 PM

lol. you will also have live in entertainment, kids are so odd sometimes you just can't help but laugh.

LOswald0314
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 2:04 PM

 You'll forget what it feels like to be well rested!

LOswald0314
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 2:05 PM
1 mom liked this

 There will be no such thing as a "quick trip" to the grocery store.

Wish2Be
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 2:41 PM

 These are hysterical ! Thanks !

SabrinaLC
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 2:47 PM

Thanks for sharing

jessicasmom1
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 2:54 PM

thanks for sharing ,, nap when you baby is sleeping you will need it.

sweetlyblissful
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 5:07 PM
1 mom liked this

Coffee will be your best friend.

dusky_rose
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 5:15 PM

Your single friends won't be able to relate to you anymore.

Sue ~ Head Admin
~ D.V. Survivor/Admin

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