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Parenting Positive Kids Parenting Positive Kids

my daughter got bullied and fight

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OK my daughter got bullied on the school bus and she beat the other kid who is a boy. the school principal called me and he was off course mad at both kids both was more concern at my daughter beating up the other kids because he has bruises more than the other kid bullied my daughter. see i know both are wrong and i did not encourage her to do it. but since she beat him up he did stop and he kept quiet and i know some  of you mothers might blame me for thinking like that but i am proud of her for standing up for herself. i talked to her about it and she cried and feel bad for hitting the kid but this bullying shit have to stop. he was calling he skinny, she need to eat some more pizza, she is ugly, she don't dress nice enough.the bus driver report him many times before to me and to the school before he never stop until she hits him and now it's been 4 days now  he has been quiet. so what do you guys think is the best way for me to talk to my daughter about it because i get so defensive and angry about it i don't want to project the wrong thought to my child. my husband is all over the place he emotion is unstable.

by on Nov. 7, 2012 at 3:00 PM
Replies (131-140):
HEATHER269
by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 6:53 PM
1 mom liked this

Unfortunitly that it most cases is the only way for it stop .I had the same thing happen to my son and even though I dn't condone violence I don't condone sexual harrasment or bulling either.Bullies bully because they do get away with it sometimes this is what it takes for them to think twice before bulling not just this child but another

tristansmomme
by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 6:54 PM
1 mom liked this
I agree with this.. And... Maybe if we told our kids (as a community/country)to stand up for themselves instead of being told to ignore it we wouldn't have so many teen suicides or kids with such low self-esteem.. STOP the bullies!!! ENCOURAGE self worth!!!!


Quoting BraydinsMommy09:

If more kids stood up to bullies like this maybe it'd stop. I'm not for violence, but I'm not for bullying either. I know children that don't stand up for themselves and they constantly get picked at and the school, the parents, nor the law does anything about it. The child has even put themselves in harms way because they get picked at. I believe if a bully just keeps going then the victim should stand up for them self, if that means hitting them, then I agree.. Don't bash me, this is just MY opinion.

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TinkJul
by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 6:55 PM
1 mom liked this

Don't worry to much.  In 4th grade my son (and other kids) were being bullied by the same kid.  My son had enough and just reached over a slugged the kid.  My son said to me, "Mom I don't know what happened. I looked at my hand up there and I just hit him".  They both got some school privleges taken away and they had to sit in the office together for a week.  Then it was over.  The kid never bothered anyone again.  And sounds like that bully is leaving others alone now too.

When my husband started boy scouts and got made fun for his uniform by some bully.  He hit the bully with a book and knocked him over.  My husband got kicked out of the scouts, but guess what, no more bullying from the kid.  

Kids have to learn to stick up for themselves just like adults have to verbally stick up for themselves.  Kids just don't have the words and this is what happens.  Good for your daughter learning life lessons.


Poly_Parent
by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 7:00 PM

The school had been notified many times and chose to do nothing, so what "other ways" do you suggest? 

Quoting LoveOfWisdom:

Sounds like the boy had a crush on her. I would not be proud of violence. Standing up for ones self and fixing the problem in other ways, yes.


FluffyM
by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 7:02 PM

Sometimes kids just don't stop. I don't want kids to be hitting eachother but if nothing works what can you do?

LoveOfWisdom
by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 7:05 PM

Squeaky wheel gets heard the most.  If the school has had trouble getting a hold of the parents after the incident, I'm sure they were never contacted in the first place.  I would have been present at that school every day until the matter was addressed in detail and a meeting had been had with teachers, principal, bus driver, and the parents of the other children.  There is no reason children should would this situation out on their own.  They should be involved in the resolution, but not solving it themselves.  Two wrongs do not make a right. 

Quoting Poly_Parent:

The school had been notified many times and chose to do nothing, so what "other ways" do you suggest? 

Quoting LoveOfWisdom:

Sounds like the boy had a crush on her. I would not be proud of violence. Standing up for ones self and fixing the problem in other ways, yes.



latebloomerw4
by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 7:06 PM

If the well behaved kids don't stand up to the bullies, the bullies will never stop. That's life as we all know it....Liken it to an adult that cuts you down constantly.... would you put up with it? If you do, you are part of the problem and the reason they go after you. They won't go after the ones that fight back (and it doesn't have to be a violent fight back, sometimes it's "air" or attitude of "not willing to put up with it" that will back them off. I've been in extremely abusive relationships, both a physically abusive marriage and then an emotionally / verbally abusive one. I didn't stand up for myself back then. I do now and my life is much more calm and less stressful. I am respected, it's that simple. I stopped putting up with it. If the bully does not respect his victim, he won't stop and the bully's family is not going to stop him either (that's why he's a bully DUH!) Be proud of your daughter and explain that she needs to give the attacker (bully) a chance to back down first, if he doesn't then it's his fault, she gave him warning...that makes her a smart, considerate kid and should prevent her from becoming a bully herself. Let her know fighting is wrong, but allowing herself to be bullied should not be the answer either. ....We have a HUGE problem in this country with bullying and all the latest tactics to stop it ARE NOT working....agreed? We need to step up to the plate as adults and investigate these fights and bullyings to find out who starts them. The one who starts it should be THE ONLY ONE that gets punished,....that is the only way this epidemic is going to stop! Be proud of her, she simply stood up to him. Make sure she knows to NOT become a bully as well and she should be fine. This is what I do with my kids and the bullies leave them alone. Mine have the right to fight back but their butts are mine if I ever find out they started it!!! ....And I DO examine both sides and NEVER assume mine are innocent (I hope they are, but I don't automatically assume they are)....I examine both sides because I want mine to know where their mistakes are so they can find better solutions and thus better themselves in the process.

Take it from a 50s something mom who isfrom a family of nine...that's right, NINE kids...a mother of 3 by natural and one by adoption (adopted at 13 with physical and emotional abuse in her background) These non-bully kids have rights too, let's step up and protect them and allow them to protect themselves!!

sharon1026
by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 7:10 PM

Sometimes a bully will only respond to what he knows. I'd wager if she tried to talk to him, he'd only make it worse for her. Plus, a lot of times the parents of a bully actually encourages them and would not only do nothing about it, but tell him to do it even more for getting them involved. The bully might be mad too that someone told his parents and would make life even worse for her.

My mother told me this story about me...when I was very young..maybe around 2...a neighbor boy would constantly bite me. Finally she told me I could bite him back the next time he bit me., That day when he came over, I flew out of the house and immediately bit him!! sidesplittinglaughterHe never bit me after that...

jyofray
by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 7:12 PM
1 mom liked this
Fight or flight and its great she fought back. things are taken to a crazy level with the young children at school now a days. sad to say but its getting down to the survival of the fittest . good for her!
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sunflower3129
by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 7:13 PM
1 mom liked this
Little brat had it coming! You should be proud of her mama. This kid was being a bully and got his just deserts! If you called the school and they never got a hold of the parents,it means they weren't doing their job. No matter how you slice it,sooner or later something was bound to happen. I say good for her! She stood up for herself!
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