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Parenting Positive Kids Parenting Positive Kids

my daughter got bullied and fight

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OK my daughter got bullied on the school bus and she beat the other kid who is a boy. the school principal called me and he was off course mad at both kids both was more concern at my daughter beating up the other kids because he has bruises more than the other kid bullied my daughter. see i know both are wrong and i did not encourage her to do it. but since she beat him up he did stop and he kept quiet and i know some  of you mothers might blame me for thinking like that but i am proud of her for standing up for herself. i talked to her about it and she cried and feel bad for hitting the kid but this bullying shit have to stop. he was calling he skinny, she need to eat some more pizza, she is ugly, she don't dress nice enough.the bus driver report him many times before to me and to the school before he never stop until she hits him and now it's been 4 days now  he has been quiet. so what do you guys think is the best way for me to talk to my daughter about it because i get so defensive and angry about it i don't want to project the wrong thought to my child. my husband is all over the place he emotion is unstable.

by on Nov. 7, 2012 at 3:00 PM
Replies (111-120):
psurmont
by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 6:26 PM

I completely agree with people taking up for themselves and if he leaves her alone then more power to her!!!  I commend her for sticking up for herself and not being pushed around.  He shouldn't have been bullying her and then he would not have gotten hurt!!!!  He started it and he deserved the consequences!  More people need to assert themselves and stand up for themselves!  I learned that I had to stick up for myself and I was 6 when I stuck a pencil in another girls eye after she stuck a pencil in my hand!  She didn't mess with me any more and we became friends.  Sometimes you can walk away, but sometimes you have to take action.  Good for your daughter!!!

MickieM
by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 6:26 PM
1 mom liked this
Honestly, I've told my girls if they start a fight they're on their own but I'll never punish them for finishing one. Sounds like he got what he deserved, including the embarassment of getting beat up by a girl.
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ChristinaCheney
by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 6:26 PM
3 moms liked this
I know it isn't politically correct, but doesn't it seem like bullying has gotten out of hand since we started being politically correct? It doesn't seem like schools do enough about bullies. I'm not saying violence is right, but I have seen it work with bullies before. They just need someone to stand up to them (and words don't always work) and it self corrects after that. Not always, but sometimes. I think it is great that she stood up for herself and even better that she feels a little bad about it. Sounds like you are doing something right to me!
luckythreemom
by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 6:27 PM

My daughter dealt with this sort of thing for most of last year. It was 3 boys constantly picking on a group of girls, usually my dd and one other girl caught the brunt of it.  I spoke with the recess aids, teachers, and principal. (all after she had reported to me on more than one occasion that she was being ignored.  

I told them that if they didn't take care of it immediately, that she had been instructed to defend herself. This was not what she wanted to do, she is a friend to all, and very soft hearted. But, she had also had hair literally ripped out of her head by these creeps. They tossed her coat in a mud puddle,  busted her lip on the drinking fountain, ect...

I told her to do it right the first time. (It usually only takes handing out 1 good ass whoopin' in your life to make the bullies realize that you are a better friend than foe) Forgive me for getting old school for a minute.

The next time the ring leader pounced on her- she tackled him! Took him down at the knees and smeared mud in his face for once!! All of his friends witnessed him get taken by an 8 yr old girl and laughed!

They don't bully any of the kids anymore. They are actually a sweet bunch of boys. My dd does not walk around beating anyone up, nor do I think she enjoyed anything about this other than the conclusion of torment. 

cassdw
by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 6:27 PM
1 mom liked this

My niece had a similar issue.  A boy at her school was constantly harassing her and pushing her.  My sister complained on several occasions and nothing ever happened.  My niece finally had enough recently and hit the boy back.  My niece was punished more severely than the boy, she was suspended from school and the principal had a "talk" with my sister.  My sister showed the principal the documentation she had on all of her complaints and that the child had never suffered any repurcussions and my niece was still suspended. 

All that being said....this kid doesn't pick on her anymore, so I guess he got the message.  You try to teach your kids to believe that we will all be treated fairly and to let someone know when they are being treated unfairly; they expect (as do we) that this will make the behavior stop, but often this is not the case.  You daughter learned a valuable lesson...she has to stand up for herself, because no one else will.  Now you have to ensure that she understands that it doesn't give her free reign to become a bully, which her remorse seems to indicate anyway.

Tell your husband that your daughter will be fine and she will project an image of confidence that will likely keep her from being a target in the future.  Other kids will learn quickly that they will not like the outcome if they subject her to bullying.

Marie402
by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 6:27 PM
My daughter is to young to know what bullied means but I would be broad of her that she stood up for her self. I would probably tell her that violence is not the best solution when comes to take bulling. See what the boys parents will say if you get a chance to meet with them. But since you said that he had be reported before to the school I'm sure they announce the parents to about him bulling other kid, so it looks that his parents did do much to stop him from doing it.
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Emmie8750
by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 6:27 PM
2 moms liked this
I was severely bullied in junior high & high school. My mom's advice to me was "give it to God". God never stepped in when I was being pushed down the stairs or when chocolate milk was being poured down my head. Now that I have a 13 year old, I demand that she stands up for herself & if one hand is laid on her, she has my permission to start punching. Be proud of your kid, she was backed into a corner & did the only thing she could do at that time. Sometimes words aren't enough to keep a bully at bay, sometimes you have to stoop to their level & get violent.
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needadvice1983
by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 6:30 PM
One little boy has been bullying my 6 year old at school. I told my DS if that little beat hurts him he has my permission the pinch him. I even told the vice principal that when her only response to this brat holding my son down and throwing wood chips in his face was "well he's just a very hands on little boy". I say good for your DD OP. I hope the kid learned not to mess with her.
CityofRosesMama
by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 6:30 PM
1 mom liked this
It sounds like that boy got what was coming to him. Of course, it's best to get the adults to help first. Maybe the school needs to look at how to properly handle conflict resolution while the bus driver is trying to focus on driving? Maybe they need to have additional supervision on the bus. I think the school is at fault for not stopping it before it escalated to that point. Of, course we need to teach our daughters that violence isn't okay, but girls and women can only take so much. Every time you turn on the TV a woman or child somewhere had been assaulted, raped or killed by a man. He's learning to be a man. I guess he just got put in his place early. Hopefully, he learned his lesson. Maybe she did try to get adult help? You are the best judge as to how to handle this because you know your daughter and what happened.
sheiladwinell
by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 6:33 PM
I think the principle should have kicked the boy off the bus for the remainder of school year, I would be very proud of my daughters or son for beating the hell out of a bully. Your daughter did the right thing, now he knows she is capable of defending herself! Lotsa luck to you n yours :)
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