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Parenting Positive Kids Parenting Positive Kids

my daughter got bullied and fight

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OK my daughter got bullied on the school bus and she beat the other kid who is a boy. the school principal called me and he was off course mad at both kids both was more concern at my daughter beating up the other kids because he has bruises more than the other kid bullied my daughter. see i know both are wrong and i did not encourage her to do it. but since she beat him up he did stop and he kept quiet and i know some  of you mothers might blame me for thinking like that but i am proud of her for standing up for herself. i talked to her about it and she cried and feel bad for hitting the kid but this bullying shit have to stop. he was calling he skinny, she need to eat some more pizza, she is ugly, she don't dress nice enough.the bus driver report him many times before to me and to the school before he never stop until she hits him and now it's been 4 days now  he has been quiet. so what do you guys think is the best way for me to talk to my daughter about it because i get so defensive and angry about it i don't want to project the wrong thought to my child. my husband is all over the place he emotion is unstable.

by on Nov. 7, 2012 at 3:00 PM
Replies (31-40):
PaganMommy04
by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 1:23 PM

Now, I don't know if the bully hit first, but if he did, then kudos to your daughter for beating his ass down!  Hardly anything is ever done about bullies; it's like people who run the schools would just rather hide their heads and pretend it doesn't happen.

If the bully hit first, your daughter had EVERY right to beat him down.  I know that sounds harsh, but often times that seems to be what it takes to get a bully to quit their shit.  And if it was your daughter who hit first, yeah I know there's better ways to deal with someone's taunting than to strike them, but I still can't say as I feel any pity for the bully.

If it was your daughter who hit first, I hope she learns that there's better ways to deal with people's verbal taunts but I wouldn't entirely cow her down for her standing up for herself (like  "I understand why you did, but if he teases you again, try handling it like this" sort of thing).  But if he hit her first and she fought back, then kudos to her! 

I would never tell my own daughter to just take someone hitting her as an adult, so I sure as hell won't tell her to just take it as a child either.  Granted, adults have better capacity for reasoning situations out, but I have always told her that she is NEVER to hit people UNLESS they hit her first.


Ugh.  Sorry for rambling, but my point is that no, I don't think you're wrong for being proud that she stood up for herself.  You have a strong daughter and that is a GOOD thing.  Just be careful in how you help her to focus that strength.  Get her to realize different options for different situations and get her to realize that physical fighting is supposed to be the ABSOLUTE LAST RESORT.  Let her know that if she's being teased on the bus that, while it's hard, she can just look out the window and ignore people.  If she's being teased at school, try to teach her how to just walk away.  And above all, try to teach her that the only acceptable reason for her to EVER hit anyone is if they hit her first or, maybe, if she sees them hitting and bullying someone else.  That last one is debatable as it depends on whether or not you want her to get involved in other people's altercations.  On the one hand, I don't see anything wrong with her if she's the kind that wants to help other people if they're being bullied, but on the other hand, that depends on how well she takes them into consideration as to whether or not they even want her help.

Does that make sense?

ladyluke2007
by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 1:24 PM

I'd say she is way worse on herself.  I'm with you though.  Bullying does need to stop.  I don't promote hitting but sometimes that is what it takes to stop it.

Lovin' Wife of John & Proud Momma to Ashley-25 (Lovin' Wife to Pat & Momma to Liam), Matt-22,Tim-21,Tasha-19, Becky-18, Davy-15, Tommy-10 & Elijah-3yrs. & Gramma of Sarah-5, Liam-3yrs. & Nathias 3/22/12, Helen & her twin Caroline 1 mon..

captaincw322
by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 1:31 PM
1 mom liked this
Quoting Cupkakes1:

I think what she did for herself is great. My daughter also gets bullied at school and has sometimes come home with the idea that she wanted to beat up those other kids but we tell her that we dont know what their home life is like and this is probably their way of getting out their own pain. which of course is wrong and is never an excuse to bully another kid but in the end, your daughter did good. This may have stopped the bully from bullying someone else who may not of been able to stand up for themselves.



I LOVE the idea of explaining that the child who bullies is probably hurting in someway themselves. This is a lesson to take throughout your life. I was once told "those who hurt, hurt" and its very true!
KenneMaw
by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 1:33 PM
1 mom liked this

If I were in your shoes, I know my husband and I would be proud of our daughter for standing up to this kid.   Our schools all have a 'no bullying' policy but unless an adutl sees it, then not much happens.  They try to teach kids how to handle bullies but the problem is no one ever teaches the bullies the same lessons.  My daughter put up with a girl for a long time - lots of taunts, mean comments, etc...   We told our daughter she had our permission to hit this girl if it continued.  I am not a beleiver in violence either, but often times, as the last resort, itis effect.  Kids can't ignore the taunts, turn the other cheek, etc....  Unless the school staff will issue a true no tolerance policy - more than 2 complaints then the bully is kicked out of school - then I believe it is Ok for a victim to beat up a bully.   Let me say, it just needs to happen once.  I seriously doubt anyone will ever bother your child again and that is the whole point of this nonsense.   As for talking to the parents, often they parents are bullies or just won't hear a negative thing about their child so nothing is ever done at home.  If it happens at school, then the school has to deal with it.

Loving19mommy92
by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 1:33 PM
1 mom liked this

My mamma always told me not to tatle that I was old enough to take care of it so I did and when I was bullied I ignored it and kept smiling and didn't let it bother me. However there were a few times someone would knock something out of my hands or shove me and I did the same thing. 

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whitleypittman
by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 1:34 PM
2 moms liked this
I say way to go, kid! I had bullies, too, and I beat the snot out of each of them. They left me alone afterwards. I don't recommend it , but hey, it worked!
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NumbaHumbaVII
by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 1:35 PM
1 mom liked this

Sometimes you just have to fight back.

viv212
by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 1:36 PM
4 moms liked this
My dd was just involved in a bully incident but she was the bully 😢

I am so glad that your dd stood up for herself. I hate bullies!

And from a mother whose child did that, I am very, very sorry.

Just know that at least in my situation, my dd is suffering the consequences!!!!
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lanceandhailey
by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 1:37 PM
3 moms liked this

 Tell your daughter good job, and move on. I would :) Bullying crap is getting out of hand, she should stand up for herself. Tell the school they wouldn't stop it so she did, end of story.

annas_momma
by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 1:38 PM
4 moms liked this
I say good for her!!

I was bullied horribly through most of my school years. Nothing I, my parents, or the school did stopped it. I got tired enough that I beat the crap out of just about everyone of them. Guess what? It stopped. Sometimes the high road doesn't work, and you just have to stick up for yourself.
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