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my daughter got bullied and fight

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OK my daughter got bullied on the school bus and she beat the other kid who is a boy. the school principal called me and he was off course mad at both kids both was more concern at my daughter beating up the other kids because he has bruises more than the other kid bullied my daughter. see i know both are wrong and i did not encourage her to do it. but since she beat him up he did stop and he kept quiet and i know some  of you mothers might blame me for thinking like that but i am proud of her for standing up for herself. i talked to her about it and she cried and feel bad for hitting the kid but this bullying shit have to stop. he was calling he skinny, she need to eat some more pizza, she is ugly, she don't dress nice enough.the bus driver report him many times before to me and to the school before he never stop until she hits him and now it's been 4 days now  he has been quiet. so what do you guys think is the best way for me to talk to my daughter about it because i get so defensive and angry about it i don't want to project the wrong thought to my child. my husband is all over the place he emotion is unstable.

by on Nov. 7, 2012 at 3:00 PM
Replies (41-50):
by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 1:38 PM
3 moms liked this

 Im not in this group but wanted to respond . . . I was bullied all through school and it climaxed the night I took half a bottle of hyrdocodone (sp?) I had left over after a recent surgery . . . Being bullied eats away at you it kills you on the inside and i believe that bully didn't need to get physical first to be doing serious damage to your dd . . . after I bottomed out I saw what was going on and I never again let myself be bullied or pushed around and infact a few years after when a bf of mine shoved me I finally got the chance to stand up for myself . . . I am proud of your dd, not only will that bully probably leave her alone but maybe others as well because he'll never be sure what someone else is capable of . . . I'm not an advocate of fighting, but bullying is so horrible and its so good to see someone standing up for herself rather than hurting herself because of it . . .

by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 1:41 PM
1 mom liked this

Eh.  I would never encourage my kids to physically fight another child.  But, with that said, I have seen far too many bullies get away with their behavior for so, so long.  It's frustrating.  If my child were being consistently bullied and nothing was being done by the school (after meetings, attempts to contact the other parents, etc.), then I could not hold it against my child for standing up for him/herself.  Many times, all it takes is showing the bully some strength to make it stop.  They like to prey on the weak, so if you prove you aren't weak, they may back down.  Again, I wouldn't be telling them to go around and get physical with anyone that said something mean to them.  But if we'd exhausted every other avenue and it was continuing, I would certainly support them if they felt they had to defend themselves in this way.

by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 1:41 PM
2 moms liked this

As a child I was bullied every day, and severely.  My mom tried to get me to defend myself, but I just wouldn't; I was not the hitting or fighting type.  Then a well known bully of mine that rode the same school bus and lived near us decided to bully my younger brother.  The first time I told her to not and if she did I would defend my brother, when she didn't listen and decided my brother was fair game then I decided so was her face and beat her up pretty good.  She was my age but a lot taller than I and weighed a whole lot more than me too.  Needless to say I was the only one suspended from riding that bus for two weeks and although my mom never said anything negative or positive about the matter I knew she was proud of my actions for defending what I cared for.  As for the bully, she never messed with my brother or I ever again.

My suggestion is just letting your daughter know that fighting isn't the best solution, but it sometimes can be the only one when you're cornered.  Let her know that when somebody becomes physical with you or somebody you love then you don't hold back and you defend.  I have told my own children this many times over and they have come to the rescue a few times of one of their siblings, thankfully no fights but they have had to let other children know you mess with my sibling you mess with their family.

by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 1:44 PM
My son was being bullied the kid kept getting into his backpack and violin case and snapping the bracelets on my son's arm. Then that same kid elbowed my son in the face so hard it still hurt him the next day. I called his dean and spoke with him about it and the dean sent it to the bus company because they do their own discipline. My son talked to the bus driver like he was told and he kid got a referral. If it happens to continue he is to talk to the driver if at school then the dean can do something. It is aggravating . I am sorry.
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by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 1:53 PM

If the boy got physical first with her, I would say absolutely go and good job ot your daughter! When I was a kid if you didn't stand up for yourself you got beat and bullied. However, when I was a kid not as much bullying happened. What has changed in about 30 years? Hard to say really. Bullying is never, ever, okay, however, if you are a bully and someone attacks back once you've hit their red button, well, should have stopped. That will teach you a lesson.

by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 1:53 PM
1 mom liked this
I agree with you.

Sorry but some times it takes a bully being beat up to stop.

I beat one of my bullies up in 6th grade. After that he was no longer picking on me.
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by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 1:56 PM
1 mom liked this

I had to beat up a bully and some kid that touched my butt both were boys. The first kid didn't tell the teacher because I guess he figured he deserved it. The second kid touched my butt at baseball practice while I was up to bat. I threw the bat down and kicked his ass. Our coach pulled us apart, drug him into the dugout and yelled at him then kicked him off the team. Honestly, I'm glad your daughter stood up for herself. You should still talk to the boy's parents though. There are a lot of schools where teachers do nothing, so if it takes a smack down to straighten some little punk out then so be it.

by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 1:57 PM
1 mom liked this

my friends son was bullied on the bus, he reported it to his bus driver, teacher and his parents even had a talk with the principal and nothing ever got done, and it resorted to my friends son beating his bully up too. 

by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 1:58 PM

 Totally agree!

Quoting sweetlyblissful:

 A lot of the time nothing is done to bullies.  Getting physical isn't always the answer, but in this case it obviously worked.  He won't be bothering her anymore and the principal can't ignore the bullying anymore.  I say good for her!  Even if it is wrong.  Bullying is an epidemic in school and work places!  And something must be done.  You handled it well too.


Faith, Hope & Love "I Will Have Faith in YOU, Hope For YOU To Come Home To Me & Love YOU More Every Day".
by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 2:02 PM
1 mom liked this

I taught my boy (he's 23 now) to never start a fight, but always to stand up for himself, and those weaker than he is, and I'm teaching my daughter (she's 4) the same thing.

My boy was an "anti-bully", and often came home with bruises and scrapes he took defending smaller, weaker kids from the assholes that the schools would do nothing about... I got frequent calls from the schools, and told them the same thing every time, when you start defending the other children from bullies, my son will stop beating up the bullies.  the one parent who insisted on talking with my son and I about her little darling getting beat up ended up apologizing to us both, for her kid's behaviour, and for wasting my time once she learned the truth about the situation, and her kid stopped bullying other kids...

your daughter did the right thing.  tell her so.

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