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Parenting Positive Kids Parenting Positive Kids

My Son wants a Minnie and a Baby doll, hubs says no.... help? piog

Posted by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 1:54 PM
  • 195 Replies


I absolutely LOVE LOVE my husband to pieces. I adore him. I feel we are just the right amount of similar as different to make it work greatly. We love our similarities and differences in one another. So that's NOT the issue.

Our oldest son, 2 years old (our youngest is 6 months old), REALLY likes playing with the Minnie Mouse and Baby dolls at church. He puts them in the shopping cart and pushes them around, and has a great time. I am already getting him a Mickey Mouse stuffed toy for Christmas to try and phase out his mickey head small taggy security blanket. (It's 2 years old, and getting very raggy, and the washing machine does a number on it every time I wash it. So time to start phasing it out.) I was thinking on getting my son a Minnie mouse to match the Mickey as well as a "boyish" baby doll for him.

My son already has what some people would consider "girls" toys, that my husband and I have compromised on and were able to find "boyish" versions of them. He has a shopping cart, a 50's dinner with a cooking station on one side and a little dinner booth on the other side, very boyish, and a shopping basket you carry with all of the shopping foods, etc. He likes the arts too, no surprise being that he is our son; my husband and I are very artistic people from fine arts to performing arts. So he has colors galore and we have already bought him his 4-in-1 art easel for Christmas. Some say that's "girly". Whatever.


Here's the issue. My husband thinks that getting him a Minnie Mouse and a baby doll is kind of really overstepping the line a tad bit. =/ I don't think so! I want my boys to not have to depend on ANYONE, I want them to be able to do it all on their own. My two year old has a toddler broom and mop and vacuum, etc which he walks around behind me mimicking me cleaning. He will take his wipes and "dust" when I'm dusting with the lysol wipes. Our son is a BOYS boy. Meaning he loves to get dirty, and play with his trains, cars, trucks, etc. He has no fear and I'm surprised he hasn't had a broken bone yet because of the dare devil in him. (He gets that from me.) All that aside, my husband is not okay with me getting him a Minnie Mouse to go with his Mickey Mouse or a baby doll for Christmas. What is your take on this? Please don't bash my husband, he's a wonderful man, and is just trying to raise God fearing, loving and respectful boys. However, I think because he comes from a very "macho" manly family where boys things are clearly boys things and girls things are clearly girls things, he's having an issue being okay with it. How can I help him be okay with it? Help please!

by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 1:54 PM
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Replies (1-10):
MrsRi
by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 1:59 PM
23 moms liked this

Gender stereotypes on children's toys are stupid.  My son loves Dora and loves playing with Dora.  He doesn't like the male version of Dora.  So I get him Dora stuff.  He's 5 now and has grown out of that and now wants Spiderman. EVERYTHING.

They are kids. By starting that young on making him feel that only boys do/like this and only girls do/like this is stupid in my opinion.  Stop ruining the innocence of children. Let them be kids as long as they possibly can.

HaileysMom07180
by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 2:01 PM
3 moms liked this

my dd loves super heroes and bugs.  my aunt gives us a lot of flack for supporting it.  her favorite thing to do is put on blankets as capes and run around the house yelling bat man!  if she were a boy wanting dolls i would let her have them.  my cousin loved dolls and vacumes when he was a kid and he turned out just fine.

ExquisiteMomof2
by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 2:15 PM


Quoting MrsRi:

Gender stereotypes on children's toys are stupid.  My son loves Dora and loves playing with Dora.  He doesn't like the male version of Dora.  So I get him Dora stuff.  He's 5 now and has grown out of that and now wants Spiderman. EVERYTHING.

They are kids. By starting that young on making him feel that only boys do/like this and only girls do/like this is stupid in my opinion.  Stop ruining the innocence of children. Let them be kids as long as they possibly can.

I agree with you, but I think you missed the fact that we have compromisd on other "girly" toys. My son has an assortment of other "girly" toys. My husband has a good intended heart, that I know. He is very supportive, he is well aware that even though I am a female that I am just as capable of doing what he does, and he's learning he is capable of doing what I do, outside of child birth. lol. That one is still slightly impossible for him. He is learning to cook. He started showing interest in how to cook this past year when I started getting tired and could hardly move during the later part of my pregnancy with our youngest son. He has cooked dinner sucessfully many times for us! So it's not a "sexist" thing coming from him at all. It's different, and I can't really explain it without people getting pissy with him/me/us. He feels me should still be "head of the household" which is fine, he wants our sons to be able to care for their wives and children, however he wants them to know that Daddy's are the heads of the home, and even though he helps take care of the children in any way he can, it's mommies primary job. kwim?

ExquisiteMomof2
by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 2:20 PM

Awwww, see I was a "tom boy". lol. I LOVED doing what the boys were doing. My grandfather would not allow me to get my learners permit to drive until I could change my tire, my oil, filters, battery, and drive manual. lol. He didn't expect any more or less from me as he would the boys, and same for the boys. They couldn't get their learners permits until the same were met. We weren't allowed to stay home alone until we could cook for ourselves, and not just making a sandwich, or microwaving something, actually make something on the stove, etc, and that included cleaning the dishes and kitchin afterwards.


My brother is what some call, "metro" he's not over the top into his looks and doesn't spend hours upon hours in the mirror and or bathroom, however he does like to present himself well. Me, I don't care, I like working with my hands, so I'm okay if people see me without makeup, smelly from changing my tire, oil, etc, or cleaning out the garage, etc. We were raised all the same. No differences. My sister is a "girly girl" high fashion, nails, hair, the whole nine yards. People are going to be who they are, regardless. Kwim?

Quoting HaileysMom07180:

my dd loves super heroes and bugs.  my aunt gives us a lot of flack for supporting it.  her favorite thing to do is put on blankets as capes and run around the house yelling bat man!  if she were a boy wanting dolls i would let her have them.  my cousin loved dolls and vacumes when he was a kid and he turned out just fine.


MrsRi
by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 2:23 PM
12 moms liked this

I didn't miss any of that.  I have no idea what him having a mate to his mickey or other toys that are reserved for girls have to do with him being HOH though?  My husband is the head of our home and he doesn't care if our kids play with dolls or other toys that are 'girly'.  

The fact that he doesn't want your son to have a Minnie for his Mickey makes no sense if you're going to then go on about him being the head of the house or even him learning how to cook (Umm last time I checked most famous/head chefs were men - so you putting emphasis on him cooking dinner seems 'odd').  If he is worried about sending him the wrong message on family structure by allowing him to have a 'girl' doll is he then showing that it's ok to be a single guy? I'm not trying to be ignorant but to me that train of thought is flawed. 

I think the problem is more than what you are saying.  If you want to get your child a toy then let him have a toy.  If your husband is so concerned about your son learning proper family values and/or being emasculated by having a girl that is normally reserved for girls, then that's a bigger issue and he should get over it and not project what ever weird insecurities he has about the situation on you or your kid.  It's a toy.  It's not a lifestyle choice. 

Quoting ExquisiteMomof2:


Quoting MrsRi:

Gender stereotypes on children's toys are stupid.  My son loves Dora and loves playing with Dora.  He doesn't like the male version of Dora.  So I get him Dora stuff.  He's 5 now and has grown out of that and now wants Spiderman. EVERYTHING.

They are kids. By starting that young on making him feel that only boys do/like this and only girls do/like this is stupid in my opinion.  Stop ruining the innocence of children. Let them be kids as long as they possibly can.

I agree with you, but I think you missed the fact that we have compromisd on other "girly" toys. My son has an assortment of other "girly" toys. My husband has a good intended heart, that I know. He is very supportive, he is well aware that even though I am a female that I am just as capable of doing what he does, and he's learning he is capable of doing what I do, outside of child birth. lol. That one is still slightly impossible for him. He is learning to cook. He started showing interest in how to cook this past year when I started getting tired and could hardly move during the later part of my pregnancy with our youngest son. He has cooked dinner sucessfully many times for us! So it's not a "sexist" thing coming from him at all. It's different, and I can't really explain it without people getting pissy with him/me/us. He feels me should still be "head of the household" which is fine, he wants our sons to be able to care for their wives and children, however he wants them to know that Daddy's are the heads of the home, and even though he helps take care of the children in any way he can, it's mommies primary job. kwim?


sukainah
by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 3:08 PM

I wanted to get my son a baby doll because he liked playing with them at the children's museum and my DH said no.  So I guess it will only be at the children's museum that he can play with them.

Meltopia529
by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 3:20 PM
4 moms liked this
I let my son play with whatever. He's 2 and loves his dolls.
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arthistmom
by Member on Nov. 8, 2012 at 3:57 PM
5 moms liked this
You need to reassure your husband that these are TOYS. They have NO power to transform a child--literally--from one sex to another, if that is his fear.
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Hyman
by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 4:37 PM
2 moms liked this
Well. I was the oldest with a brother after me... He inherited all my barbies and dolls and all the rest of my toys :D he is all boy, trust me. Lol

I think it's important to nurture a boys feminine and more caring nuturing side. Men are nurturing and caregivers too!

I got our son a cloth baby doll and it isn't pink or anything. It's actually blue (the sweater part)but I plan to get him a real doll that's gender neutral just so he can be imaginative.

Go on Etsy and look up Waldorf dolls!!!!!!! Have fun.

Oh and among the things my brother had from me that was his favorite? Barbies Dream Mansion. It was tall big and all pink in his bedroom.
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4kidz916
by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 7:54 PM
1 mom liked this

My nephew wanted a baby doll and a tea set when he was about three years old.  His dad said no but my mom got it for him anyway.  He had fun with it for a while then went back to trucks and dinosaurs. 

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