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Parenting Positive Kids Parenting Positive Kids
What do i do about my sons negativity? He is 5 almost 6 but is behind emotionally so seems more like a 3-4 year old. I know it is partly just a phase but i dont like it lol ;) he says "no!" to everything. On top of that he says shut up which drives me nuts. Dh left to go to work sunday (he works away) and said goodbye to ds. Ds was disappointed that he was leaving i know but when dh said bye ds just shook his head and yelled no! Oye already. Oh and fyi dh is stepdaddy. Not that it really matters. Rude is rude.
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by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 12:19 AM
Replies (11-17):
SteffanyAce
by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 11:07 AM

He might just need some more noncontigent communication.  A lot of what a kid hears is based off their behavior (contingent communication) . . . "don't do that", "good job hitting the baseball", "please clean your room", etc. Try spending 10 minutes a day with him doing something he likes where he has your undivided attention.  Turn off the TV, cell phones, etc.  During this time be engaged in the activity and using nincontigent communication.  Make it the same time each day where he can count on, and look forward to, that special time with you.  Work up to 10 minutes in the morning and 10 minutes at night.  He may be really needing that time from your husband since he works away.  Even though it is only ten minutes, it means a lot to a kid to have those special times, and can lesson some of those negative emotions.  It will also create a habit of your child talking to you about what is going on in their life which will come in handy as a teenager.

I would still punish the rude behavior, but don't use removing that special time as a punishment.  He needs to know he can count on that time.

I hope that helps.  :)

iHay
by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 11:23 AM
He is homeschooled so he gets lots of one on one time with me. He probably does need it from dh, we just got married and my son is not used to having a man living with us he keeps thinking dh is leaving for good every week.

Quoting SteffanyAce:

He might just need some more noncontigent communication.  A lot of what a kid hears is based off their behavior (contingent communication) . . . "don't do that", "good job hitting the baseball", "please clean your room", etc. Try spending 10 minutes a day with him doing something he likes where he has your undivided attention.  Turn off the TV, cell phones, etc.  During this time be engaged in the activity and using nincontigent communication.  Make it the same time each day where he can count on, and look forward to, that special time with you.  Work up to 10 minutes in the morning and 10 minutes at night.  He may be really needing that time from your husband since he works away.  Even though it is only ten minutes, it means a lot to a kid to have those special times, and can lesson some of those negative emotions.  It will also create a habit of your child talking to you about what is going on in their life which will come in handy as a teenager.

I would still punish the rude behavior, but don't use removing that special time as a punishment.  He needs to know he can count on that time.

I hope that helps.  :)

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terri76
by Terriny on Nov. 18, 2012 at 11:32 AM
Totally this momma!!

Quoting heavensdaughter:

 That's really tough.  I would just say gentle but consistent consequences for inappropriate behavior.  Time out or loss of toys/tv time.  Then an explanation each time about how rude behavior hurts others and can affect his relationships.  And then talk about different ways he can express himself when he is feeing angry or hurt. Then make sure and watch for him being polite, kind, or positive and praise praise praise.  Even if it's rare at first, if you praise him for it you will see it more and more!


 

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SteffanyAce
by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 11:44 AM

Cool!  I homeschool too.  It isn't so much the amount of time as it is what you do with the time.  Those ten minutes of child-lead, undemanding time, are valuable especially when so much time is spent in the teacher-student mode.  That is great that you homeschool!  It has been such a blessing for us.  

SteffanyAce
by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 11:51 AM

Also, kids at that age go for 6 months testing boundaries and 6 months not, so maybe he is just in that stage.  (The negativity tends to stem from emotions though.)  I think it is at six years old that it changes to year long intervals.  Louise Bates has a series if books that talks about that and other kid psychology:

http://www.amazon.com/Louise-Bates-Ames/e/B001ITTGLQ/ref=ntt_athr_dp_pel_1

iHay
by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 4:15 PM
Hmm i will have to look at that when im not mobile. Youre right i forget child led time sometimes because when we're not schooling the im busy doing house stuff. Now my stepkids have taught him to say dumb too ugh. He didnt know that til this weekend. Ss name is cody and ds says dody so they all thought it was funny to get him to say dumb dody. They dont understand that ds isnt just going to stop saying it when theyre bored with the game..

Quoting SteffanyAce:

Also, kids at that age go for 6 months testing boundaries and 6 months not, so maybe he is just in that stage.  (The negativity tends to stem from emotions though.)  I think it is at six years old that it changes to year long intervals.  Louise Bates has a series if books that talks about that and other kid psychology:

http://www.amazon.com/Louise-Bates-Ames/e/B001ITTGLQ/ref=ntt_athr_dp_pel_1

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hunterskysmom
by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 4:23 PM
I am going thru the same stage but i just keep letting her know that we don't do that and let her know that's being ugly then if that don't work we put her in time out
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