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Parenting Positive Kids Parenting Positive Kids

Positive parenting helps our kids by....

Posted by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 4:04 PM
  • 10 Replies
Article via AHA

Disciplining children by spanking does not facilitate learning. Instead, it may halt the unwanted behavior only while the child is in the adult’s presence, or it may scare a child into submission. While it may teach a child what not to do, it fails to teach a child what is expected of him or her and what is an alternate behavior. Additionally, physical discipline is most often used when the parent is frustrated or without other resource. Spanking in these circumstances may lead to an unintentional injury or more serious abuse. The following illustrate more of what physical discipline does:

Increases anxiety and fear
Hinders the development of empathy and compassion for others
Makes children angry in response
Heightens aggression toward others
Decreases compliance and increases resistance
Harms relationship with parent or caregiver
Potentially causes unintended and severe physical injury
Decreases self-esteem
Increases the probability for an array of undesirable social and psychological behaviors
Teaches that violence is an acceptable way to handle conflict

How can I discipline positively?
American Humane encourages parents and other caregivers to use techniques that constitute a positive and appropriate discipline of children, such as:

Discipline with love
Listen and communicate
Focus on the behavior, not the child
Respond immediately
Relate the discipline to the offending behavior in duration and severity
Be realistic
Remain calm
Be fair
Do not harm or injure
Set boundaries
Make it a learning opportunity
Be consistent
Be creative
Develop rules and expectations in advance
Use timeouts
Reward or praise desirable behaviors
Model desired behavior
Encourage the child’s cooperation and understanding
Develop behavioral contracts and incentive charts

What else can I do?

Be a role model. This can help you teach your children appropriate behavior, self-control, responsibility, and accountability, while increasing their self-esteem. If you need help managing your own behavior or want to learn better parenting techniques, contact your local child protective services agency, community center, church, physician, mental health facility, or school for a referral or assistance.


How do you feel positive parenting is helping your children?
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by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 4:04 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Bluetick
by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 4:06 PM
Positive parenting has helped my dd's confidence and give her realistic goals not to mentions morals and family value. She isn't afraid to think on her own and actually make a list of what she wants to do better
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Bluetick
by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 4:07 PM
Also my stress level is WAY down as her attitude is completely different
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mrswillie
by Silver Member on Jan. 15, 2013 at 6:20 PM


Quoting Bluetick:

Also my stress level is WAY down as her attitude is completely different

I agree. Stress is down

johnny4ever
by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 7:27 PM

Great Post!

paris2lmp
by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 9:44 PM

I do not agree with abuse, or beating children in any way.  We do however spank our kids.  We also use possitive reinforcement for good behaviors, time outs or loss of privilages for bad behaviors.   Spanking is reserved for a last resort punishment.  Now that I am writing this, I can't even remember the last time we spanked one of our boys....its certainly not a frequent event.

I'm not disagreeing with your right to choose not to spank....just presenting my right to use it in my parenting.

Bluetick
by on Jan. 16, 2013 at 6:38 AM
Good Luck our state took away parents rights to do so...... Keep a close eye on yours! Seems like kids have more rights than parents in some places ! Glad to hear you use a positive perspective on your parenting

Quoting paris2lmp:

I do not agree with abuse, or beating children in any way.  We do however spank our kids.  We also use possitive reinforcement for good behaviors, time outs or loss of privilages for bad behaviors.   Spanking is reserved for a last resort punishment.  Now that I am writing this, I can't even remember the last time we spanked one of our boys....its certainly not a frequent event.


I'm not disagreeing with your right to choose not to spank....just presenting my right to use it in my parenting.

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paris2lmp
by on Jan. 16, 2013 at 6:47 AM

I know a lot of states have overstepped their bounds (in my opinion) in this area.  It makes me mad that any state can make that call without justification.  Beating/abusing is different than a swat on the behind.  Fortunately we live in Montana where they are a little more "old-fashioned".  Here if someone calls you in for "child abuse" for spanking, and you can give the officer a good reason for it he is likely to give you kudos for keeping your kid in line!  Also, family protective services here doesn't just break up a family on hearsay.  I had someone call me in because my son has eczema on his legs (she claimed I was taking a cheese grater to him).  Of course family services stepped in, they talked to my kids, they talked to my parents, they interviewed me.  I had an open case with them for 90 days as policy mandates.  But it was pretty obvious that it was a medical condition and not abuse.  Even the caseworker told me that.  It was scary, but reassuring that here the facts matter more than rumours.


 

Quoting Bluetick:

Good Luck our state took away parents rights to do so...... Keep a close eye on yours! Seems like kids have more rights than parents in some places ! Glad to hear you use a positive perspective on your parenting

Quoting paris2lmp:

I do not agree with abuse, or beating children in any way.  We do however spank our kids.  We also use possitive reinforcement for good behaviors, time outs or loss of privilages for bad behaviors.   Spanking is reserved for a last resort punishment.  Now that I am writing this, I can't even remember the last time we spanked one of our boys....its certainly not a frequent event.


I'm not disagreeing with your right to choose not to spank....just presenting my right to use it in my parenting.


Bluetick
by on Jan. 16, 2013 at 6:59 AM
East coast is a whole different ball game!! Kids who have been abused by their parents are taken away then back with them ( meanwhile the parents act like rabbits and stay on drugs ) then they put the kids back w the parents..... Kids who need the system don't get justice and people who are responsible parents get the shock of their lives when social services knocks on the door trying to take your child because they haven't been to school in 2 weeks and you called the school told them the child was sick made multiple trips to get homework and brought in the doctors note excusing the child! Yet you are under investigation !
This country needs to wake up ! Help the children that need it and stop harassing the parents trying to groom their kids for college seems like they all BELIVE all parents are trash anymore just no respect left anywhere

Might be moving to Montana soon :/

Quoting paris2lmp:

I know a lot of states have overstepped their bounds (in my opinion) in this area.  It makes me mad that any state can make that call without justification.  Beating/abusing is different than a swat on the behind.  Fortunately we live in Montana where they are a little more "old-fashioned".  Here if someone calls you in for "child abuse" for spanking, and you can give the officer a good reason for it he is likely to give you kudos for keeping your kid in line!  Also, family protective services here doesn't just break up a family on hearsay.  I had someone call me in because my son has eczema on his legs (she claimed I was taking a cheese grater to him).  Of course family services stepped in, they talked to my kids, they talked to my parents, they interviewed me.  I had an open case with them for 90 days as policy mandates.  But it was pretty obvious that it was a medical condition and not abuse.  Even the caseworker told me that.  It was scary, but reassuring that here the facts matter more than rumours.



 


Quoting Bluetick:

Good Luck our state took away parents rights to do so...... Keep a close eye on yours! Seems like kids have more rights than parents in some places ! Glad to hear you use a positive perspective on your parenting


Quoting paris2lmp:


I do not agree with abuse, or beating children in any way.  We do however spank our kids.  We also use possitive reinforcement for good behaviors, time outs or loss of privilages for bad behaviors.   Spanking is reserved for a last resort punishment.  Now that I am writing this, I can't even remember the last time we spanked one of our boys....its certainly not a frequent event.



I'm not disagreeing with your right to choose not to spank....just presenting my right to use it in my parenting.



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SabrinaLC
by on Jan. 16, 2013 at 10:05 AM

Thanks for sharing this. :-)

Bluetick
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 3:10 AM
Do you feel that spanking is positive?

Quoting terri76:

There is a difference between spanking and beating your child....my son has gotten several spanking's in his 16 years of existence..he is no worse for wear..it is used as a last resort..so it did not happen often. He has never had anger issues from being spanked and is a very well rounded child who strives for his goals and is sweet and quite social.
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