Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Parenting Positive Kids Parenting Positive Kids

WWYD? I need your opinion please!!!

Posted by on Jan. 16, 2013 at 11:13 AM
  • 15 Replies
my husband has a good friend and his step daughter got preggers at 14 had the baby at 15 and now is 16 dd is 11 months old she doesn't work and her parents take care of the baby like its their child ( so she could go to school get a job study etc) Now she is Preggo again !!! She wants to get married and live at her parents house ( which will never happen because the babies dad doesn't work and shows 0 ambition) and her stepdad is freaking out because he feels responsible to help pay to raise these children! . They can't depend on her to raise her own child she wants to be a teenager and date and Cruise and hang out meanwhile she gets 50 dollars a month in child support and doesn't care that it's no where near enough ( or doesn't understand ) we use to double date every Friday night family and family ( except her) and now we can't because she never wants to keep her child the dd is calling grandma and grandpa mom and dad !!

Is this normal in today's world?
Are multiple teenage pregnancies that common or do you think she was trying to get pregnant ?

Both kids have the same dad he is now 24ish

He wants to be as positive as possible and asked us for help and advice ..... I'm kind of speechless on this 1 !! My dh talks to him I talk to his wife daily they are good people at their wits end and you can tell the marriage is suffering ( stress over the financials is a big part of this) what do you ladies think what do we say?

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by on Jan. 16, 2013 at 11:13 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
johnny4ever
by on Jan. 16, 2013 at 11:28 AM

Dang I would never let my daughter if I had one be with a over 21 guy!

Bluetick
by on Jan. 16, 2013 at 11:34 AM
I remember years ago when she staring going skating and bowling with her girlfriends a parent drive them but HE was just where the girls always ended up,.... The parents had no idea until she was 5 months pregnant the first time

Quoting johnny4ever:

Dang I would never let my daughter if I had one be with a over 21 guy!

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
AzariahsMother
by on Jan. 16, 2013 at 11:55 AM

Yes, as sad as it sounds this has become the norm

Yes, again sad, but teenagers are having multiple children.

I had DD when I was 19, and I turned out GREAT!  Doesn't happen for everyone.  Children changes lives, and having more the 1 is an even bigger change.  I do wish her all the best. 

Bluetick
by on Jan. 16, 2013 at 11:58 AM
Any idea on how to try to get her dad to cope or deal ? Or how to make her want to be the mother of the kids she's bringing into the world?

Quoting AzariahsMother:

Yes, as sad as it sounds this has become the norm


Yes, again sad, but teenagers are having multiple children.


I had DD when I was 19, and I turned out GREAT!  Doesn't happen for everyone.  Children changes lives, and having more the 1 is an even bigger change.  I do wish her all the best. 

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
AzariahsMother
by on Jan. 16, 2013 at 12:14 PM

For dad I think the best thing to do is to be as supportive as possible because she is going to need that.  Sometimes tough love is also the best kind of love.  I think setting limits is also good.  This shows that dad will be supportive on somethings, but not everything.  Like watching kids while she is in school but when she is home she is mom the rest of the day.  As far as maybe buying items dad is going to do that anyway because those are his grand kids, but again setting those limits.  Letting her know that yes I will help, but won't do everything.  Maybe dad should also sit down with daughter and find out what her plans are this year.  Finishing school, getting a job, working around the house, etc.  Setting grounds rules and what he expects from her and also what she expects from him.  Having the understanding is going to be key.

As far as daughter what is your relation to her?  Do you have a connection?  As a mother you can also be her support too.  Coming to talk to you, asking you questions, giving advice.  This is going to be hard for her and difficult.  If she is clearly not wanting to be a mom maybe she should think of other options.  A good thing might be also to find some books or video's about being a teen mom, show statistics.  Visit some teen centers to show her.  Find her resources so she can reach out to others if she needs to.

Hope this helps.

Quoting Bluetick:

Any idea on how to try to get her dad to cope or deal ? Or how to make her want to be the mother of the kids she's bringing into the world?
Quoting AzariahsMother:

Yes, as sad as it sounds this has become the norm


Yes, again sad, but teenagers are having multiple children.


I had DD when I was 19, and I turned out GREAT!  Doesn't happen for everyone.  Children changes lives, and having more the 1 is an even bigger change.  I do wish her all the best. 

 

johnny4ever
by on Jan. 16, 2013 at 12:18 PM
How terrible

Quoting Bluetick:

I remember years ago when she staring going skating and bowling with her girlfriends a parent drive them but HE was just where the girls always ended up,.... The parents had no idea until she was 5 months pregnant the first time



Quoting johnny4ever:

Dang I would never let my daughter if I had one be with a over 21 guy!

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
grammyjen
by on Jan. 16, 2013 at 8:54 PM

Is the woman in high school? There may be a way she can get help as far as career training etc atleast for her GED...I feel for the Dad, but it is true that if he has not set any limits on anything, ofcourse this would be the outcome! He does want to help them all, so he definitely needs to set some rules, and as far as the young man living there and not working? forget it, he needs to either marry her or get out, He should be working and paying support. There could even be a timeline set as far as when they need to get their own place. I am sure the Dad wants to help them, but to help them they need to get on their own, there are a lot of places that help unwed mothers and she would likely qualify for everything. If she truly does not want to be a mother, than there are options, adoption ofcourse, and if the Dad wants to keep his grandkids then he could have them...but as far as the daughter and the boyfriend living there then, forget it...they may see that once there is a chance that they really will have to leave, and not have the kids, they may do a turn-around...if not, then the grandparents have them and love them forever...the mom may come around...and one thing is to never talk bad about the parents in front of the kids...this is their daughter and possible future son-in-law...the kids then could have resentment toward their own parents forever...even if/when they get their acts together! They are extremely young to even know what to even do!

paris2lmp
by on Jan. 16, 2013 at 9:37 PM

They need to have a family sit down, "come to Jesus", meeting ASAP.  If she doesn't want to participate then too damn bad.  She is 16.  THey are the parents.  End of story.  Kudos to them that they want to help her finish school etc.  But that doesn't mean they are obligated to raise her children for her.  I would advise that they place some boundaries.  While she is at school or work they will watch the kids for free, but anything extra she needs to pay them for, whether that is in the form of money, chores, or some other agreed compensation.  She is a mom now.  Its time for her to learn responsibility.  I would also suggest she start taking some sort of parenting class, join a mommy and me group or SOMETHING to help her bond and deal with her own kids.  And she needs a job.  OR the father needs to be paying more than $50 a month.  She should also be in charge of buying any diapers, formula, or basic necessities.  She needs to understand that having babies isn't a hobby.  Its a life-altering commitment.  You don't get to just pop out kids and pawn them off on the most convenient person available.  If she refuses or threatens to move out I would advise them to take custody of their grandkids. 

Also, I would suggest that they need 1 night a week out of the house as a couple.  The daughter then needs to be home, watching her own kids, or find another babysitter.  I would probably require them to be watched at home though, because you never know who she might decide to let watch her kids. 

It may sound harsh, but seriously...this is such a horrible trend.  And the daughter obviously isn't taking responsibility for her actions.  Better to set these boundaries and teach her how to be a parent now than to wait for her to be 18 and just be another welfare party mom.  Good luck!

mrswillie
by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 7:25 AM

Wow...If my 14 year old got pregnant by a 23/24 yer old man, I would have called the police. I think the girls parents need to make the daughter take responsibility NOW! First, I understand she need to go to school, but she also needs to take care of HER child. The partents need to make her take care of the child. They need to stop doing it. 

My sister was pregnant at 15. She went back to school, but her daughter was just that...hers. After school, my parents did not take care of the baby. My sister had to.

MamaDearie
by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 8:55 AM

The mother needs to be made responsible for her children! If she is going to live there, she should be allowed out ONLY for school and baby-related activities (like going to the park or a dr's appt- with the child!). Anytime she is not physcially in school, she needs to be fully responsible for the care of her own child/children. After a bit of time like this, she should be forced to get a job to help take some financial responsibility for these kids too. No dating. No party time. No hanging out with friends. And if she doesn't like it- tough! Unless she becomes an emancipated minor, she cannot take off and live on her own at this point. Not to mention she certainly doesn't sound like she has enough motivation to even try to support herself - le alone her kids as well. Her parents need to be parents! Maybe if they had been in the first place she wouldn't be like this now.

"Of all the rights of women, the greatest is to be a mother." (Lin Yutang)

Lilypie Kids Birthday tickersLilypie Fifth Birthday tickers Lilypie Third Birthday tickers

Lilypie Breastfeeding tickers

Daisypath Anniversary tickers

Daisypath Valentines tickers

Daisypath Easter gifts tickers

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN