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Is It Ever Okay to Fight in Front of Your Kids?

Posted by on Jan. 16, 2013 at 12:47 PM
  • 10 Replies

Is It Ever Okay to Fight in Front of Your Kids?

Posted by Kristen Chase on January 15, 2013

Is it ever okay to fight in front of your kids?Just a few days ago, my husband and I got in a fairly heated argument while the kids were around but in another room. There was no name calling, but we were definitely not using our inside voices.

And in the middle of it all, as we saw our kids look over the staircase at us in the kitchen with their wide eyes, my husband said to me, "We shouldn't fight in front of the kids," to which I responded, "No, actually, I think sometimes it's good for them to see us argue." And here's why.

Growing up, the only arguments I ever heard my parents have were awful, abusive fights that a few times ended with the police being called. And so in my mind, happy couples never argued at all; there was no in-between. All or nothing.

So when I found myself disagreeing with my spouse or wanting to speak my mind in a way that wasn't nasty but just assertive, I felt like I had somehow failed in my relationship. And I certainly do not want my kids to feel that way.

I now know that in a healthy relationship, both people should feel free to express themselves and their emotions -- as appropriately as possible of course.

Don't get me wrong. My first choice in a perfect world would probably be to discuss issues I have with my husband when my kids aren't around. And if it has anything to do WITH the kids, you can bet we wouldn't talk about it in front of them.

But I'm not perfect. I'm human and hormonal, and sometimes I need to address something right when it happens. And I feel as though the kids will actually be better for hearing it in the long run, especially if apologies are exchanged when it's over.

When we fight in front of them, we're setting a good example on how relationships work: we disagree, we argue, we make up.

I definitely think it's important to talk to the kids about it too, reminding them that Mom and Dad care about each other deeply, we just don't always agree on everything.

The best part is that in fighting in front of my kids, I'm much more aware of what I'm saying and how I'm saying it because I know they're listening, which actually makes our arguments much shorter and more effective.

I won't be fighting in front of my children all the time, but if it does happen, I'm not going to feel bad about it. Part of being a good parent is showing my kids how relationships work. Unfortunately, I never got that as a child, and I know I've suffered greatly because of it.

Do you fight in front of your kids?

by on Jan. 16, 2013 at 12:47 PM
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Replies (1-10):
johnny4ever
by Tracy on Jan. 16, 2013 at 7:15 PM

Very rare for us

SabrinaLC
by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 9:58 AM

We rarely fight.

I don't know that anyone needs to have a big yelling battle.  I think if you can argue and keep it civil it would be okay to do infront of your children.  They will see that not everyone agrees on everything and it's okay.  

lovinlife0607
by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 6:14 PM

I don't think it's ok to fight in front of your kids...maybe a small disagreement though.  May end up teaching them how to work together to solve problems ;)

bckwdsbarbie06
by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 6:34 PM
1 mom liked this

we rarely fight but i do think that it is important for kids to see disagreements happen and a safe, logical manner in which to deal with them. if the arguement gets nasty, then no children should not be involved. i do think that they should know that when there is a disagreement, you should work out the situation in a civil manner and you can fix problems

celticgodess
by Heather on Jan. 17, 2013 at 9:41 PM
1 mom liked this

We don't fight much anyway, but I totally agree you SHOULD fight in front of your kids.  As long as it's healthy (no name calling, hitting, walking out, etc) and they see you make up!  Otherwise they grow up with an unrealistic picture of and expectation of relationships that are completely unattanable.

KaylaMillar
by Bronze Member on Jan. 18, 2013 at 12:32 PM

We try not to. 

Meltopia529
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 4:10 PM
We rarly fight. When we do it is in front of our son sometimes
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mamavalor
by Member on Jan. 19, 2013 at 7:30 AM

We rarely fight too and when we do we don't hide it like it's a bad thing.  It's part of life and we keep things real for our kids.  They see us fight and then they see us resolve our disagreement and make up.  No big deal.  Our kids are diplomatic and they watch and listen to what we are fighting about.  One time I was wrong and I knew it and so did they so they spoke up and said daddy was right and that I should go for a time out.  lol.

sweetlyblissful
by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 10:58 AM
If we do fight. I'd rather not do it in front of the kids. Disagreement are fine. It's good to be able to work things through and for the kids to see it done in a healthy manner.
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mysticalmalissa
by Gold Member on Jan. 19, 2013 at 11:12 AM

I agree.

It shows them not everything in life is peaches and cream and that there are ways to work through disagreements, without resorting to fighting.

Quoting sweetlyblissful:

If we do fight. I'd rather not do it in front of the kids. Disagreement are fine. It's good to be able to work things through and for the kids to see it done in a healthy manner.


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