Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Parenting Positive Kids Parenting Positive Kids

When one parent is positive and one is not so much...

Posted by on Jan. 16, 2013 at 1:35 PM
  • 8 Replies

Even before my son was born my husband had this whole, "You do know I'm going to spank this kid if he needs it, right??" attitude.  It bothered me because, while I wasn't fully AGAINST spanking at the time I don't think people need to go into parenting assuming every kid is going to need to be spanked all the time.  His whole family is this way and it drives me insane.  (For the record his brother was spanked CONSTANTLY growing up and he's an absolute mess.) 

Even as a joke my husband will say probably 20 times a day, "Come here so I can spank you!"  It's gotten to the point where my son will start crying and run from him.  He won't let him lie down with him at night - which is making it extra hard on me because I'm the only one who can get him to sleep.  

Whenever I try to make suggestions dh takes it as me trying to control his parenting.  I'm at a loss.  My son is really smart and outgoing.  He's two, so some of his acting out right now is normal, but I don't want anything to change his beautiful personality.  Any ideas how to approach this with the hub?  Thanks, girls!!  

by on Jan. 16, 2013 at 1:35 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-8):
johnny4ever
by on Jan. 16, 2013 at 7:15 PM

My Hubby is totally opposite from me on Discipline & Parenting.I feel for you....HUGS!

grammyjen
by on Jan. 16, 2013 at 8:15 PM
1 mom liked this

yes...sorry to say my husband was opposite of me in most everything to do with the kids! (I say most)...what ended up happening with all 3 (ages 26, 21, 19) is that they eventually learned I was the go-to person...yes, for most everything...they loved him very much but anything they needed to talk about, ask for, ask for permission for, then later advice, etc etc it was me! One time my daughter innocently asked me one time..."Mom how come when I ask Dad something and he says yes and then I ask you and you say no, its no...but when Dad says no and you say yes, its yes?" lol  I just said thats how it is...: ) they all turned out super wonderful and they love their Dad and Mom equally!! (If I would have agreed with his stuff beleive me I would have not been in as much control or needed to be...but you just gotta do what you gotta do!!) Just love on them more and more and more!

paris2lmp
by on Jan. 16, 2013 at 9:10 PM
1 mom liked this

my husband and I also disagree frequently on parenting.  He was an only child and was never around small children growing up.  So when we had kids it was hard for him to grasp that they weren't born with emotional control and had no clue what words like "respectful" or  "obedient" meant.  Lol. 

I've tried over and over again as our boys are growing to get him to calm down a bit and just appreciate them for where they are at now.  Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.  Sometimes he is offended that I disagree with his opinions.  I think our kids will also view me as the "go to" parent.  C'est la vie.  I love my husband and so do my kids thats what is important.  And at some point my husband did begin to see some of the points I was trying to make and is now making an effort.   Maybe your husband will also eventually learn some things from you too.  Hang in there,  it will be okay!

MrsSamMerlotte
by on Jan. 16, 2013 at 9:12 PM
1 mom liked this
I'm in the same boat. Mine are 7 and 2. Soooo I'm not sure how tio answer but I'm looking forward to some replies.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
SabrinaLC
by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 9:57 AM
1 mom liked this

My husband and I agree quite a bit on almost everything.  If we disagree it pretty short lived as we'll talk and come to an agreement of sorts.

grammyjen
by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 10:36 AM

Love is the answer ofcourse for everything <3  children learn so much by our actions and how we treat each other so much moreso than what we say...   I did not know and understand how difficult it would be raising children but I had to learn as I went and love is always how I made it through...wanting the absolute best outcome in the kids...trying for them to be thoughtful of others more than themselves...looking for ways to help each other...and it was not easy...but they totally love each other and do not put others down...your kids will see how you treat other people and learn so much more from that rather than anything you directly say...they watch and listen....!!! I hope I can help some of you precious Moms that are currently raising little ones! It is the most important job in the world!!!

Meltopia529
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 4:17 PM
Same here!

Quoting johnny4ever:

My Hubby is totally opposite from me on Discipline & Parenting.I feel for you....HUGS!

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
supermillerMom
by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 12:42 PM
I'm just so surprised that he (and many dads, I think) don't think to alter their methods based on the childs' reaction. Obviously he has created a situation where our son is now afraid of him. (And truth be told he rarely ever ACTUALLY spanks him) but he can't seem to figure out why my son freaks out when I leave, won't let daddy lie down with him, runs and cries when he makes the spanking joke, etc. Frustrating.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)