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Parenting Positive Kids Parenting Positive Kids

Terrible 2's?!

Posted by on Feb. 22, 2013 at 10:53 PM
  • 12 Replies

I'm a first time mom and have decided that I don't want to spank my son as discipline because I had such a bad experience with it as a child and felt it did nothing for me. Now my son is 2 and I hate the term terrible twos but I feel that h pe has begun them. I understand that around the age of 2 children begin to have emotions they can not express so they espress only in the ways they can, screaming, tantrums etc. Now my problem is dealing with the tantrums positively. I just started going back to school full time and as soon as I get settled my son wants to see me. I play with him, we eat dinner and so forth but there are times when I need to do some homework or read a chapter and he acts up. Throws his toys, whines, throws himself on the floor. I feel bad because I've been home with him since he was born and now I'm gone most of the day and he's either at daycare, which he loves, and with my MIL, whom he can't get enough of, and I know all he really wants is me. 

My question is, how do you stay positive when your son is throwing a fit and you're literally about to crack. 

Also, I did spank him once and I felt horrible for it!! I didn't realize I did it until after and his face crushed me. I had horrible flashbacks from when my father would spank me and I apologized to my son immediately and gave him hugs, kisses and love.

by on Feb. 22, 2013 at 10:53 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Miss_Sheila
by on Feb. 22, 2013 at 11:00 PM
i spank my son on the butt or hand hes a year and 4 months
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12yrmama
by on Feb. 23, 2013 at 8:12 AM
1 mom liked this

I only 'spank' when it's a dangerous situation. Really more of a swat at that age.

I know it seems useless but explain that you don't like his behavior. Use simple words but be specific. It doesn't really change his behavior now but you'll get in the habit which is usefull when hes older, and he'll be in the habit of you doing it.

I also give a time out from about the age two thru elementary school, one minute per age in a quiet corner/spot.

Three is my terrible age for my kids. It will pass just hold on. It's toughest the first time through cause you don't have the experience to know that it will, eventually, end. My theory is things come in 6 mos phases, most frustrating behaviors only last about 6 mos and then are replaced with either a calm time or at least a different behavior.

sweetlyblissful
by on Feb. 24, 2013 at 9:41 PM
1 mom liked this
Spanking teaches a toddler nothing but lack of control on the parent's part.

The best thing to do is to get down to their level, and firmly say no. And when the tantrums start, that's when you ignore them completely.

If they are completely unable to control themselves, you might have to get in there and hug your little one. When they are freaking out embrace them, don't let go and let them know that it's going to be ok.

Sometimes little ones lack the ability to understand their feelings. They can't control it and act out in frustration and tantrums. They are at an age where they are learning to speak, learning their limits, and testing boundries.
They are also watching you as you deal with them. So make it count. Be firm, under control, and loving. This age doesn't last forever. Although sometimes it sure feels like it.
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Dcn2010
by on Feb. 25, 2013 at 1:03 AM
BUMP!!!
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raschwittay
by on Feb. 25, 2013 at 2:22 PM
1 mom liked this

I have never and will never spank my children. I on the other hand do use time outs. I have a chair in my bedroom that I sit him on and leave him alone to figure out/ get over his tantrum. I close the door, not all the way, and leave the light off (only during the day, we have natural lighting) and walk out. He continues for a few monents, but it eventually passes. He comes out, and we continue on with our day. A few munites later when we are playing and continueing our day I ask him if he understands why he had a time out. And he does. That works for me. 

In public, if he throws a tantrum. I stop, walk off to a corner or out of the way of people, and let him cry it out, I give him no attention, I dont try to pick him up (he usually flings himself onthe floor). He gives up and we continue the day. If its ongoing, we leave and I put him down for a nap, or feed him if thats the reason. 

I can understand it can be frustrating, but keep trying to teach him how to tell you what he wants, communication is the key. He needs to know you understand him, and love him. He misses you. But he will learn to be patient and respect your space. He will find something else to do. It just takes time.

But be patient. You will have to reapeat yourself contantly, but its worth it in the end.

raschwittay
by on Feb. 25, 2013 at 2:23 PM


Exactly!

Quoting sweetlyblissful:

Spanking teaches a toddler nothing but lack of control on the parent's part.

The best thing to do is to get down to their level, and firmly say no. And when the tantrums start, that's when you ignore them completely.

If they are completely unable to control themselves, you might have to get in there and hug your little one. When they are freaking out embrace them, don't let go and let them know that it's going to be ok.

Sometimes little ones lack the ability to understand their feelings. They can't control it and act out in frustration and tantrums. They are at an age where they are learning to speak, learning their limits, and testing boundries.
They are also watching you as you deal with them. So make it count. Be firm, under control, and loving. This age doesn't last forever. Although sometimes it sure feels like it.



Dcn2010
by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 6:36 PM

Thank you. I know it's him just trying to talk to me and I tell him "Don't cry. Use your words". And he tries. 


Quoting sweetlyblissful:

Spanking teaches a toddler nothing but lack of control on the parent's part.

The best thing to do is to get down to their level, and firmly say no. And when the tantrums start, that's when you ignore them completely.

If they are completely unable to control themselves, you might have to get in there and hug your little one. When they are freaking out embrace them, don't let go and let them know that it's going to be ok.

Sometimes little ones lack the ability to understand their feelings. They can't control it and act out in frustration and tantrums. They are at an age where they are learning to speak, learning their limits, and testing boundries.
They are also watching you as you deal with them. So make it count. Be firm, under control, and loving. This age doesn't last forever. Although sometimes it sure feels like it.



Dcn2010
by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 6:39 PM

I do time outs and that helps but I do it in the same room. Should I try another area? What's hard is I know he's acting like this because he misses me and that makes me feel horrible =\


Quoting raschwittay:

I have never and will never spank my children. I on the other hand do use time outs. I have a chair in my bedroom that I sit him on and leave him alone to figure out/ get over his tantrum. I close the door, not all the way, and leave the light off (only during the day, we have natural lighting) and walk out. He continues for a few monents, but it eventually passes. He comes out, and we continue on with our day. A few munites later when we are playing and continueing our day I ask him if he understands why he had a time out. And he does. That works for me. 

In public, if he throws a tantrum. I stop, walk off to a corner or out of the way of people, and let him cry it out, I give him no attention, I dont try to pick him up (he usually flings himself onthe floor). He gives up and we continue the day. If its ongoing, we leave and I put him down for a nap, or feed him if thats the reason. 

I can understand it can be frustrating, but keep trying to teach him how to tell you what he wants, communication is the key. He needs to know you understand him, and love him. He misses you. But he will learn to be patient and respect your space. He will find something else to do. It just takes time.

But be patient. You will have to reapeat yourself contantly, but its worth it in the end.



mrswillie
by on Mar. 4, 2013 at 8:34 AM
1 mom liked this
Make sure you find time, even if it's just 10 minutes, for you.
Dcn2010
by on Mar. 7, 2013 at 11:01 AM

What's funny is school is my time lol. I'm such a nerd and love my school and the environment. But my DH does let me sleep in on Saturdays if he wakes up early and my dad takes my son Friday nights for dinner so I can just stay at home and catch up my shows!


Quoting mrswillie:

Make sure you find time, even if it's just 10 minutes, for you.



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