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Parenting Positive Kids Parenting Positive Kids

i need to change.. judge me?

Posted by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 11:47 PM
  • 14 Replies

i need advice. i don't have money for a therapist..

so i am asking all of you mom's out there becuase i feel you will all give me better advice anyways.

for the last 5 years i have slowly  only thought of my self. we own or own business. and have a 5 year old. i do as little as i have to . and then i purposely get busy with something so i don't have to deal with them.

When i go do things for my self. things other parents would be taking their kids with them. i get my parents to watch my son.. so i get it the easy way,


when we get home at night ( i need to start learning how ot cook) well lately i have been trying. but we usually get home. i turn my computer on and i get on facebook for hours. and then yell at everyone becuase they aren't doing what needs to be done.


I have completely ignored my husbands needs for years. and he feels that all the reason i am here. is so he can take care of me. and so i can have it easy.( i miss the way it used to be)


I have no idea how to change. or how to start to change. one thing i am going to start to do. is when i have things to do , i am not pawning him off with family. i am going to be the mother that i need to be.

How do i stop doing things for my self or even think of my self. i need to start doing things with my family instead of what i want to do.

how do i do these things?

and if you feel like just yelling at me. well maybe you should. maybe it  will help me just wake up!!

Thank you Momma's for your listening!

by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 11:47 PM
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Replies (1-10):
sukainah
by Bronze Member on Apr. 10, 2013 at 8:27 AM

Sounds like me, I have depression and anxiety though.  It's hard but I try to do what needs to be done.

CHDMommy3
by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 1:04 PM
2 moms liked this

Ok, first I want to hug you......... ok now I am going to smack you!  You are a Mother, you lost the "me and only me" the day you got a positive test result.  The hubby stuff I will stay away from since I am a single mom that has never been married.

I get the sads and wanting the check out and not deal with dinner, baths, and the stuff that as a mom you have to do.  There are days that I feel that I bring my DS home from school and want bedtime to hurry up and get here so it will be quiet.  But for me I realize he is only little for a short time, and dude you will not get these moments back.  Seriously, what is so vital on FB or even on here that trumps your little one sharing something with you or you doing stuff for him/her. 

Cooking is not my forte (ok spelling may be off) you do not have to make a gourmet meal to enjoy family time.  hey my family time is out in 2 minutes and then we sit down and eat, or play game like reading from animal/insect/planet flash cards.  Just sharing that time will impact your family.  If you do want to prepare a meal, alot of moms on here share weekly planning menu's and other tips give it a try.  Take baby steps so you do not poop out after a week. 

And last, no one said this Mom job was going to be easy, but seriously!  My friend said goodbye to her daughter at 1 month old and would give anything to have her back.  My DS has multiple healt issues, I have sent him into 3 open heart surgeries and prayed to hear his voice each time one more day.  I would give anything to have a healthy child, no I take that back, I love the life and the little boy God gave me.  Get your stuff together and look at what you have.  A husband, a wonderful child and obviously a pretty good life.  Stop taking it for granted because when you are on your death bed are you really going to care what post was made on FB or on here NO, I hope not, you should be reflecting on the mother you were and the memories you left imprinted with your child.

 

Luv.My.Kidz
by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 1:15 PM

It sounds like you're depressed :( My suggestion, talk to your Family Dr about it. They can help you med wise... Also, find a group of women going through the same thing around you. (Try MeetUps.com) Maybe a support group that's free would be better than talking to a Therapist right now since you said you can't afford one. 

Talking to people who are going through or have gone through what you're going through right now can help you get back on track.

la_bella_vita
by on Apr. 11, 2013 at 11:31 AM

 It sounds like you are depressed. I had a phase where I was not quit as bad as you (no offense) but where I didn't want to do certain things. I lost interest in cleaning, cooking and while I took great care of the kids, I did everything in my power to avoid bathtime. I started following a strict schedule which over time as become more flexible. I make lists and check off the things after I do them. I'm a much happier person now. I have a clean home and feel like I have control of my life. Because my house is always clean, there is less to do everyday. I prep meals beforehand (but I love to cook now) so that when dinner time rolls around everything is available. Start small and you will be surprised how everything just snowballs from there.

dusky_rose
by Sue on Apr. 11, 2013 at 12:13 PM

Are you depressed? When I am depressed I have a "pity party" and focus on myself. I just want to do as little as possible and mope around all day and become irritable. It's good that you want to change because your family needs you. I'm not saying that you shouldn't take time for yourself sometimes, because we all need that. Do you have a doctor that you could go see? I suggest bringing this up with your doctor and see if the doctor can prescribe some medicine to help you pull yourself out of this. I'm not saying that the medicine will fix your problem, just that it may give you a boost in the right direction. Hugs mama! All you need to do is take that first step and then baby steps after that.


MamaMandee
by Silver Member on Apr. 11, 2013 at 2:49 PM
I think reaching out for help is a great 1st step. It shows that you know there is a problem and you are ready to work on it. I do agree with the other ladies it might be a deeper issue that you might want to look into. Look at each of the things you shared with us & try to think of one thing you could do to work on it. Don't try to do it all at once, you will overwhelm yourself. Good luck mama!
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Sisteract
by on Apr. 11, 2013 at 2:51 PM
1 mom liked this

ITA

Quoting MamaMandee:

I think reaching out for help is a great 1st step. It shows that you know there is a problem and you are ready to work on it. I do agree with the other ladies it might be a deeper issue that you might want to look into. Look at each of the things you shared with us & try to think of one thing you could do to work on it. Don't try to do it all at once, you will overwhelm yourself. Good luck mama!


SlapItHigh
by on Apr. 11, 2013 at 3:01 PM
The only way for real change is to learn the purpose of life which is love. Life makes no sense without truth. True freedoms comes from living out that truth. The truth is God and the freedom is learning to love him and this everyone else. Love does not have its own interest therefore love is not selfish. That said, it's totally normal to be selfish in this fallen world so don't feel bad about yourself. None of us can truly love on our own. We need God to give us the graces to be able to love without selfishness. Most Christians do not even realize these things. Search for truth with an open mind and you will find it.
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jessicasmom1
by Bronze Member on Apr. 11, 2013 at 5:38 PM

:-) best of luck !

Quoting Sisteract:

ITA

Quoting MamaMandee:

I think reaching out for help is a great 1st step. It shows that you know there is a problem and you are ready to work on it. I do agree with the other ladies it might be a deeper issue that you might want to look into. Look at each of the things you shared with us & try to think of one thing you could do to work on it. Don't try to do it all at once, you will overwhelm yourself. Good luck mama!



Charizma77
by Carissa on Apr. 11, 2013 at 7:03 PM

Hugs! I hope it's just a passing feeling and you snap out of it but if not it could be depression and you might want to consider talking to a therapist or a minster if you can't afford therapy and are religious.

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